How do you let go of the past the right way? For me it mostly includes intrusive thoughts of past events in my teen years or anything sexual in general. Is there an ERP way to get out of the cycle?

I'm not sure how I feel about group chats at the moment

Can you tell me what discord group??

The events happened when I was 13-18 but it still feels like I shouldn't ruminate so yeah I get it man

What events are you ruminating over? What caused your OCD?

@BigGip09 I try to keep myself busy by doing other stuff and trying to be in the present, it it feels impossible when I feel like the worst of the worst. But I suppose I’d say just try seeing those experiences as learning moments, and to use them as ways to see how you’ve improved. You were really young as well based off of the age you said all this happened, but I know OCD makes it impossible to just leave it in the past. Finding a therapist is really hard these days as well, just know I’m rooting for you

@BigGip09 A lot of my events are about downloading dating apps and sending nudes and all that, I regret it all so much. My behavior wasn’t great and I just came off like a jerk sometimes, like I wouldn’t pressure anyone to send anything they didn’t want to and backed off, but I was just rude sometimes and I’m terrified of all the what if and worst case scenarios, adding false memory to it is also really difficult

@OCDHaver Yeah I've been through that too. Probably worse than you have. I remember getting nudes from the first time that were unsolicited from a girl and I ended up sending a fair amount back to her along with a lot of other people. Looking back I've gotten a lot of that from people I didn't really know. I was also not the nicest person. I didn't like who I was back in high school and I definitely don't like the things I did to myself and to other people.

@OCDHaver Feels impossible to keep in the present when the past just eats you up when though it won't do a damn thing to change it. I've heard the things other people in my high school did and they probably aren't even worrying about it a single time throughout the week like I am. Every fucking day it's the time where I saw 18+ fucked up pornography that no kid in the world should ever lay their eyes on, the times where I didn't do good in high school and the times where I just sexted people. Why is it always the bad times? Good times came out of high school too. I graduated, my grades got better, I made friends, I began to find myself as a person, and I had something. It wasn't all bad like my mind liked to pretend it is. This selective thinking that's been going on is very annoying and I want it to stop.

@BigGip09 The one thing I'm so sick of thinking about is anything sexually intrusive honestly. I'm sick of the thoughts, the past events, the urges, etc. I just want it to go away so I can actually value the things I have now and the things I can use to grow as a person everyday. I'm sick of obsessing over shit that happened not only 3 or more years ago but back when I was a dumb teenager. EVERYONE as a teenager has done something they'd never do now and it's normal to learn from those things because you're trying your best to grow into an adult. Why does it have to just sit in my head every single day just to say "Yo, remember that embarrassing thing you did years ago?" Every single minute of the day. I often dwell on the bad and even the good things in the past and it just doesn't help. The nostalgia of the good is nice, but it isn't helpful to get sucked into it and leave the present all the time.

@BigGip09 I definitely relate to this, I’ve seen messed up porn as a kid too, it’s horrible how easily accessible it is, and I’m trying to stop watching porn still, it’s been less and less now but I still feel terrible afterwards. And I definitely get you on selective memory, it’s only the bad things, everything good that I’ve done, felt and all just never means anything to me, it’s only the bad that I ever gets in my head. I like to tell myself that I’m not the only one who has done the things I’ve done and that they don’t make me a terrible person and that it’s possible to move on from all that and to actually look at myself in the mirror again, but it just feels impossible. Confessing and reassurance used to help, but now I see why that actudoes just make OCD worse in the long run. Teenage years are a really difficult time

@BigGip09 Intrusive thoughts are the absolute worst, it ruins any time I’m feeling happy. Like when I’m laughing or enjoying the moment with the people around me, the intrusive thoughts come in and are just so incredibly depressing and scary. Sexual ones are the worst too, they always come up in the worst moments, it makes it hard to live life

@OCDHaver It's really fucked up when people make that kind of content on subjects that are made for children, children end up seeing it and it's not regulated at all. Porn is fucking disgusting as all hell and all it does is make me mad because I'm sick of blaming myself over and over again. It gets really old and it puts me in a sour mood. I've heard the turning your fear or anxiety into anger kind of helps because you can use it against something like OCD when it bothers you at a certain point. I'm just really sick of such nasty shit being the only thing I think of. It was NOT like this before or when I went through those times but for some reason it's the only thing my mind wants to think of. It's really rage inducing at this point. I've been 9 months away from porn. I know not to watch that ugly shit anymore. It just makes everything toxic in the long run and it's not worth it.

@OCDHaver Hate that the only fucking way to get back at OCD is to let that shit just sit there in your head and not react to it. That's a lot easier for people that don't have it in the first place.

@BigGip09 You should join or discord group!