For years, I called my problem “depression,” thought of it as depression. Even calling it anxiety seemed strange to me, since I always seemed so tired and unmotivated and despair overtook everything. But I can easily see it in my behaviors, how I would avoid social situations, check the shower for dead bodies, check under my pillow for severed hands, come up with plans to handle wildly implausible scenarios, make lists of reasons people would reject me. But I always called the emotional part depression. At some point I realized there was more of a “sting” or “energy” to what I felt, but it felt different from anxiety. I called it “distress.” I have public speaking anxiety and the anxiety there feels very obvious. My heart pounds and races, I feel like I’m about to cry or vomit, I sweat. But I don’t really feel emotional distress (I used to, but I’m used to it by now). But when I experience obsessions it’s different. My heart pounds but it doesn’t race. My skin, chest, and throat feel sensitive, but the physical symptoms aren’t nearly as bad as the public speaking anxiety. But I feel so much pain in those moments. Anybody experience something similar?

It sounds like ERP and CBT would really help you with your obsessions and all the physical body sensations you’re dealing with !

@jello86 Thanks for your comment. I’m in ERP right now and I continually find myself in the position of my pain not really fitting into the box that my therapist has. Sometimes I’m not only afraid of uncertainties but horrified at, disgusted at, depressed at certainties, rationally or irrationally. But always her question is “what are you afraid will happen?” or “what are you afraid that says about you?” It makes me feel like I don’t actually have OCD. And then the idea of doing the exposure and “letting your anxiety go down.” It’s sometimes hard to know when that happens exactly. It’s easy to point out with my public speaking anxiety because it feels “up.” But with other stuff, it feels “up” and “down” at the same time. It’s so confusing. Sometimes I think I feel fine, but I’m doing things that seem like I’m trying to escape suffering. I don’t really get myself.

@CaptainKierkegaard So me and my NOCD therapist decides to pause treatment because my emotions were too intense. When we talked about my fears I would just sob through the whole session so we couldn’t get any work done. She saidi needed to treat my depression first, so she referred me to a psychiatrist. I got prescribed a mood stabilizer medication (which is a little more intense than an antidepressant) and it really helped with those super overwhelming emotions. That was just my experience, but it sounds like it’s possible you’re similar to me

@jello86 Like I know what you mean about the difference between your public speaking anxiety and the “distress” that’s more ever-present. My distress feels like I can’t stop thinking about scary things an d I can’t take it because it makes everything feel dark and bleak and I can’t take feeling so much pain and like I have nowhere to turn to feel okay or normal. So like there’s just too much strongemotion on top of the fears to even talk about them much. I still have it but the medication helped me tone it down a lot.