I've had a diagnosis of bad depression a couple weeks ago, which I didn't really agree with, because I more thought I was mild/moderate. But since that diagnosis alongside with Health and Rocd, I've started to obsess about depression... I'm googling, reddit-ing, confessing, asking everyone around me about the symptoms, the medication, the treatments and if it is curable. It hasn't left my mind. It made me feel like it was the end of the world, it feels like terminal cancer now, feels like I'll never recover, that I'll have horrible side effects from medication, can't drink or do drugs not to exacerbate it, can't wean off the meds if ever taken... Today it clicked for me, I have OCD about depression. I created an ocd about depression for myself? It was to me mild/moderate, never stopped me from doing anything really, but now that I'm obsessing over it and it's ruining me. I already knew I had health ocd (including fear of mental illness), but I never thought I would have one of my fears. And like a cycle my OCD about the depression is making the depression worse and so on. Has anyone ever had OCD about depression? Is our ocd brain just wired to worry about that kind of things? If so, do you guys have ERP exercises for that?

Health Concern OCD

Lms526

Date posted: 3y

Yeah, OCD loves making a mountain out of a molehill. 🙄 Maybe this will help. Suicide OCD tends to pop upnout of nowhere. For example, I would go to take Advil, and I would have a thought I should take a whole handful. Or I would have a thought about being a burden and an embarrassment to my friends and family and that everyone would be better off if I wasn't around. These thoughts are very scary, but ultimately meaningless so you can ignore them. Suicidal ideation is a life threatening emergency and should be treated as such. These thoughts aren't scary and develop slowly over time. If you or someone you know is doing things like saying they wish they were dead, planning an attempt, giving away prized possessions or writing a note. You need to get them or yourself to the hospital or some form of inpatient treatment ASAP. Call 911 if you have to.

Tyler Devine

Date posted: 3y

Awesome breakdown 👌🏼👌🏼

Tyler Devine

Date posted: 3y

Hey there! My name is Tyler Devine and I am one of the advocates here at NOCD. I’m sorry to hear you are going through a rough patch. OCD is a very, very debilitating area in the realm of mental health and anxiety disorders. However, we know this. Saying how hard it is and continuing to dig a deeper hole is not how you win this daily battle. Learning to face OCD head on is something that comes with time and practice. I’m not sure where you are in your journey with OCD, but let me give you some background on myself: I’m 27 years old and have been dealing with ocd since I was young. About five years ago, I finally surrendered to the monster that is OCD (particularly SO-OCD, which if you’re unfamiliar with some of the main subtypes of ocd, is obsessive thoughts, feelings etc of a sexual relation). This is when I walked into my first therapy session with a specialist. Ever since then, I have never looked back. To this day, she is still someone I thank God for as she was a major part of a shift in my life. I know it’s tough but trust a vet like me who has put a lot of time into this stuff when I say you are far from alone. Some big things that helped me tame the beast and still do to this day are meditation, prayer, ERP (both staged and in real time), help from a specialist, faith, and medication (if necessary, as a supplement to your training). All these things combined with a positive attitude toward yourself and your OCD will lead you to victory! Keep helping others and keep utilizing the wonderful community of therapists and people who struggle with the same stuff like you and me. Before you know it, you’ll be a master of fear. Put in the work, get the results. Strength and Prayers, Tyler D

Lms526

Date posted: 3y

Yes! I have a long history of clinical depression.i am 45 and expressed my first depressive episode at 16. I once had a depressive episode that last 3 and a half years. I also have seasonal depression that can get really bad. I start struggling as soon as the days get short. December and January are always really tough years. Last year, my seasonal depression was pretty mild. This year, has been awful. I had a tough day yesterday.i also have a massive OCD spike around that time of the month. So I'm dealing with that right now too. Last night, I found myself thinking "What if this isn't just seasonal depression? What if it's the start of another depressive episide?episode? That's all it took to trigger a massive spiral. But I've already decided that if I'm not feeling significantly better by the end of February, I'm going to make a doctors appointment and discuss going on medication. Anti depressants don't work for me long term. I feel great for about two months, but then it stops working. Even upping the dose doesn't help. I also have suicide OCD, which doesn't help. But I also know there is a huge difference between being truly suicidal and having suicide OCD. You aren't alone.

chattachana

Date posted: 3y

The thing is I'm really scared of having lifetime depression! I'm treating it the same as a physical illness and I really don't want it. The obsessions and compulsions I do around that fear are the same for my health OCD. I didn't agree with my diagnosis in the first place because it didn't make sense to me, but now I have all these "what if" coming up. So I'm wondering if I actually have mild depression, which is ok, but that my OCD is giving me 10x symptoms and making it into a real clinical depression. I also have been dealing with some suicidal OCD since the diagnosis, because it scared me a lot, do you mind telling me the difference in between real or not?

Anonymous2212

Date posted: 23w

False Memory/ ROCD

I am diagnosed with OCD, ADHD, and mild depression. But my OCD symptoms are so prominent in my daily life where it feels debilitating. It comes in waves, there will be months with very minor symptoms and other times where it comes in random hitting me like a truck making me rethink life. I grew up having intrusive thoughts of all types, and a lot of them sent me over the edge because I couldn’t understand why things of such sort would cross my mind, things that I’m sure to this day that I’m incapable of or would never want to actually do. Yet I find myself in a constant cycle of trying to dig deep in the past and trying to figure out if I ever acted on any of the intrusive thoughts I can remember, yet ofc have no recollection of acting on them because they most likely didn’t happen. However, not having concrete proof of these things makes me not want to see another day sometimes. It is so hard to move into daily basis like this. I’m also in a happy healthy relationship and sometimes I get these thoughts of “what if I’ve done something awful during the relationship (for example, cheat, dishonesty, etc.) and can’t remember?” I know I would never do anything intentionally to harm my relationship and I think that maybe the idea of not having my partner sends me down a rabbit hole to think all these things. This mental fight is getting harder and harder. It feels unbearable. Does anyone have some fruit for thought, relate, or have any tips?

baukje

Date posted: 15w

Tips for meta-ocd

I am having a real hard time with meta-ocd and thoughts about feeling depressed and be like this forever. Or the thought I never feel normal again or never feel connected to normal life things and normal people. The intrusive thoughts are here like the whole day and they are all about my mental health. And I obsess about how I feel and what I feel with everything I do. It’s so hard to explain. If someone- a therapist or someone who dealt with this has tips or word of encouragement right now, that would me great. I feel like everything I want to learn myself about ocd and coming to this forum also is a bit compulsive. It is so confusing 🫤

ocdnomore1

Date posted: 9w

How abou you?

I suffer since 10 - 15 yrs from specific fears. It was years that my OCD constantly wanted to be checked if I have HIV or not. I had a lot of sex and I thought this is normal. But I ruminated in my backhead about and was testing like 5 - 10 times a year. After the test I felt everytime so relieved. In Corona I was addicted to porn and even I lost control and was watching pretty hard stuff. I was chatting with a girl and we fantasized about really disturbing things. I never wanna meet her and for me was sure it's just kinda onlinestuff. I was in a relationship 3 years now. And I lost fear of HIV. But then came Morality OCD, Real Event (this chat) and after some times POCD. This combination was knocking me out, I felt like the badest person on earth. I did everything wrong and searched for relief and reassurance. It put me to the point of suicidal. I never ever hurting somebody, but my brain was making me a monster. I had to quit the relationship because I just couldn't give her what she deserved. I was in a clinic for 3 months. And we tested medication with ERP (before I took escitalopram for years). Anafranil was working first, then too many side-effects. I tried even without meds, but was so depressed. Now on sertralin for 5 weeks, but only 2 weeks on therapeutic dose 200mg. And wow, now I really feel so confused in the brain. I feel like how big my OCD became. The specific thoughts are not anymore, BUT it sticks on EVERYTHING atm. It's delusional how it feels in the brain. I really hope so deep my brain makes finally a reset and I need to wait it out. I could live with OCD for a long time but the last 1-2 yrs it took absolutely everything. I remark that POCD doesn't stick anymore like before but my brain is now constructing a very bad future because of past mistakes (that I all discussed with family, friends for relief over and over and over again). So it's like my OCD is now Real Event (The sexchat) again. Anyone was on the same point in life?

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