Why does OCD make me feel like I want to do the thing?! Like I don’t, but it makes me feel like I do. Agh.

I’ve had this feeling all day that I’m just gonna lose control because I’m not checking how I feel. I had this thought like oh well you wouldn’t be brushing your teeth or eating if you was gonna act on it and then I felt relief for a bit and now I’ve started getting thoughts like what’s the point in cleaning or eating if you’re gonna act on it & now I feel confused?? What’s going on

Whenever anyone starts to feel like their thoughts are less triggering or they feel a moment of happiness/ relief OCD tells you that you want the thoughts back or you actually like having the thoughts and maybe thats just the person I really am? I feel like im going insane😢

Does anyone ever feel like you know you have OCD, but at the same time you think it might actually be you connecting to a higher consciousness or vibration that is trying to control your decisions so that the outcome does not turn out bad kind of like the butterfly effect. It drives me crazy because I know I’m conscious that it’s OCD but at the same time I overthink and feel like it might be a higher power trying to warn me that I’m not doing something right, like example; if I flip the trash can lid a couple more times it’s going to pervert something bad from happening and that why I’m sensing I’m not doing it right, because if I spent a little more time there and if I would have left earlier the outcome would’ve been different. Or say I just fight through it and choose to ignore it, but then I’ll carry that negativity/worry of not feeling like I did it right and will project it out into existence because the thought won’t leave my head and in a way your seeking it out into existence since you keep thinking about it, kind of like an affirmation?