A couple of related themes I have - it started with SO OCD, went to gender identity, to ROCD and one more theme I cannot even describe - are cycling for a while now, means my brain brings up the 4 themes again and again in a cycle. It seems I come KIND OF to terms with 1 problem, it brings up the next of the group - and starts with number 1 again after I went through the the 3 other. I always think I get somewhere but I never do, it always starts again. And even though I know this now and went through it several times, it seems more real than OCD and I worry I am just denying, hiding and will never get out of it. I think I will never be happy again if I do not live it. :-( It feels like I just need to get over this hurdle and once I do and accept the change I miht be happy, but I do not get over it since I feel so scared to have to live this different life. It seems that I want it not to be true because I do not want that dramatic change - while it is true. I stuck in the "middle" not able to move. I cannot forcefully become the "new me" because it hurts so much - and I cannot go back either because it feels like denial and a lie. :-(

anna525

117d ago

I feel like you! (I have Gender identity OCD) It is this feeling of: “if I don’t do it I will never be happy” and everytime I want to embrace recovery this thought and feeling of being in denial is super strong. I also have these urges to cut my hair short, have a mastectomy etc. and I don’t know whether it’s OCD or whether it’s reality that I don’t want to accept 😓

anna525

7d ago

Hello, I wanted to make sure how you are doing? :)