I am just so sick of the anxiety. Sick of being afraid of trying medication that could help me. Wish I could just snap my fingers and not fear side effects and just take it. I want to be myself again.

Thank you for sharing your story. I’ve taken medication in the past, about 20 years ago and it did help. And j ageee 150% about therapy. I’ve been in and out since 6 but never long enough with one for it to really help. I start ERP with NOCD on wed and also have a therapist I will be working with weekly to get to the bottom of all my trauma that triggers my anxiety and phobia (I don’t have ocd). I’m so happy you found what works best for you. I want to do that as well and I know that medication isn’t always forever and sometimes it is and if it helps me to have a healthy and happy life along with working through all the things that got me to this place, that will be ok. Thank you so much for your encouragement and kind words and your blessings. God bless you as well and sending hugs back to you from Massachusetts.

the side effects are only a slight weight gain for the medication i'm using

Hey ChefT! I was there where you are and terrified of trying medication. So, I wanted to share my story and what I've learned personally. First, each person is different. Some people medication works for, others do not. Medication though isn't the singular answer. You must work through it by doing therapy. Therapy has been scientifically proven to help just as well as medication, if not better because there are no side effects. However, if your life is truly debilitated by your thoughts and compulsions medication combined with therapy is gold standard. Also, just because you decide to try medication doesn't mean you'll be on it forever. It could be used during your ERP sessions to make them easier to accomplish instead of having such fear that you avoid the exercise altogether. Second, medication is not a one size fits all. If you try it and it works for you, great! If it doesn't - that's okay too! Just because prozac works for someone better than sertraline, doesn't mean you'll have the same reaction. Just know that you've got to give yourself grace and stop comparing to others. Third, healing is not linear. Healing is a lot like chutes and ladders. You'll take steps forward and have a week where you fall a few steps back. Again, give yourself grace. Fourth, medication won't make it go away completely and make you have your old self back. It's a bad thought pattern to wishing to go back to your old self. You need to learn to really love and accept yourself as you are now. The challenges we face in life make us truly stronger and able to handle the things that will come our way in the future. For example: I always used to wish I could go back to the old me. Once I realized that was a compulsion for me (and feeding into my abusive, negative thought pattern about myself) it made me realize that I don't need to be my old self, but be a better self and use this trial to forge me. I'm not broken or consumed by this fire, if anything I come out stronger (just like when swords are made). I use this now to help others and educate. Once I changed my mindset to that, I no longer wish for the old me, because the old me wasn't an advocate for this. Once I did that, those feelings fled. Lastly, I tried prozac 20mg caps once daily. I stayed on for almost 2 weeks and had a horrible time. The intrusive thoughts were worse, I had tremors, I would sweat so bad my phone wouldn't recognize my fingerprint. Now, I'm not saying this would happen to you, just sharing my experience. After that I decided to quit and leaned into my choice. When my OCD creeps in and tries to make me second guess my choice I stand firm and remind myself it's MY CHOICE. I remind myself that the feelings and thoughts are intrusive and go against who I am. I remind myself they are just thoughts. I hope this helps you and hope that you find the answers you're looking for. You are so strong and I definitely recommend therapy. ERP is SCARY but has helped so much. You can do this! Whatever you decide, remember it's your decision. No one else has a say or can take that from you. God bless you and I know you'll make it through your journey. It takes a while but remember to always give yourself grace. Hugs from Ohio 🤗