This is embarrassing to wrote but I will write it because I feel better after writing about my ocd. So school starts tomorrow and I've been feeling afraid that a thought will ruin it for me. But thoughts and feelings don't bother me anymore...actions do. Most of my themes if not all of them had been about my crush and a family member (sexual theme). I was walking past the bathroom today and my mom was there cuz it's in her room, I inhaled air and now I think what if i did that cuz i wanted to smell...pee. I panicked even tho my back was facing the bathroom and that I had themes about this and so I hold my breath around bathrooms. I still thought that maybe I did cuz I had a thought related to my mom and my crush and me and that I liked it. Then now my mom was sitting next to me and was showing me a funny video on her phone and I was facing her leg and I inhaled...thinking maybe I did cuz it's her private part. And then I stood and my back was facing her and I thought what if I did that on purpose to show her and that again it's related to my crush. Even now I'm still sitting in the same place and I inhaled air thinking that she as sifting next to me and that I would smell it and my brain is telling me I got closer to her place but Ik I didn't. Am I crazy? I think I'm crazy.

Also it's great that you're able to recognise your OCD at 14 because it will save you a lifetime of confusion. I've just turned 33 and have always known that I was different. I've turned to alcohol in the past and done crazy things and suffered with mental health but never knew I had OCD until last year and like I said, just KNOWING has made me feel less crazy cos i literally get a thought and I'm like "no need to panic its just the weird ocd" and I let it pass. Please also make sure you avoid caffeine and ensure your blood sugar is always balanced. When mine isn't balanced it sends my mind racing

Talk to your Mum and tell her what you're going through. I'm a Mother and I'd desperately want my daughter to tell me if she was struggling like this . I'd hug her and support her and work through the struggles. By keeping silent your mind is going to control you and runaway with you

How old are you? What was their reasons for refusing therapy?

One of the best things thats helped me is knowing that what I have is OCD. So when we have these weird thoughts you just have to allow them but then get on with your life. The best thing you should ask yourself each time is "what's the worst that will happen?" That helps to de-escalate the situation for me. In your case your brain/anxious/ocd mind is playing tricks on you. Your mind is restless and is clinging onto this idea that you're aroused by your own mother which is a shocking idea. Ocd loves shocking ideas because it wants to maintain the anxiety. Its not going to be easy but you have to understand that this is your ocd playing tricks on your mind and nothing bad is going to happen. It's so hard in the moment but in time you can lessen the intrusive thoughts and they can even stop. Just be present as much as possible and acknowledge the thoughts aren't you but the OCD