If you have a partner with OCD, you may struggle to understand their experience, wonder what to do when OCD flares up, and worry about how OCD is impacting them. While there aren’t any perfect solutions, there are key ways for you to support your partner while taking care of your own mental health: 1. Avoid creating an enabling environment. It may seem like a good idea to accommodate all of your partner’s compulsions and reduce their anxiety, but this can make OCD worse in the long run.  2. Learn how to help them through OCD episodes. OCD can spike unexpectedly, which can be difficult. By learning to recognize your partner’s compulsions, you can respond supportively and effectively. 3. Educate yourself on OCD and exposure and response prevention (ERP) therapy. The more you know about the way OCD is treated, the more you can help your partner effectively manage their condition.  Read more about what you can do to help your partner manage OCD while creating a safe, healthy and supportive environment for you both.

Honestly, it's advice like #1 that made my home life a living hell for the majority of my life. Telling people not to create an enabling environment is like telling them to make sure you suffer. My OCD has only started getting better when I moved into a stable environment with someone who is compassionate enough to help me by doing the things I can't do. Only then was I able to slowly improve at my own pace and handle certain triggers when I was ready. I had to do it by myself because professionals keep giving counter productive advice like this. You're more likely to drive people to suicide that way.

It breaks my heart reading some of the comments on this post. I would never want someone to be turned off by ERP because I have seen its impact on so many people and I have seen it be life transforming for the positive. I think that each therapist brings with them unique experiences and abilities and approaches. If a therapist you are working with isn't helping you I would encourage you to always seek out another one. At NOCD what that looks like is just calling us and requesting a new one- there is nothing wrong with that- sometimes people just need a different personality to connect and relate to and that is okay. The most important goal is that you get better and live the life you are wanting to live. I think that when done in a compassionate and caring, person centered manner, ERP can be such a positive experience. I have seen time and time again people who have regained their lives, me included. One of the components of ERP is helping family members or partners understand their role in providing accommodations to their partners which may help seemingly in the short term but we know that long term this often makes their symptoms much worse. And this can be a positive thing when done from a heart of compassion and understanding of the impact that this has in the moment for the sufferer. I, myself have children with OCD- one of the most loving things I can do is help them with their own ERP- they may want reassurance about something in the moment and I may know that I could give them that but then in a day they would want it again and the cycle of anxiety just continues- as parents or even loved ones, it is knowing when to push and when to support. Working with a specialist in OCD can help you determine the best approaches. I wish you all the best.

I had the same concern as Kuno in regards to the advice I was given. I think NOCD needs to address this and discuss it with their therapists. Yes, it is true that accommodations can impede progress but there has to be a fine line drawn. I feel like some the advice my daughter was given came across to her as bullying her to try to resist her compulsions which she of course resisted completely. She now gets mad at me when I try to do ERP with her like I’m being mean to her. I know some of that is the OCD fighting back but she feels like she’s broken and I’m trying to fix her. Compassion and understanding needs to be as much a part of a therapist’s response while encouraging the patient to stand up to the OCD. Empower the patient without making them feel worse.

I totally agree with you Kuno! 👍

I agree with you too Kuno

ERP has only made my OCD worse! 💙🙏

I think my partner has rocd or relationship anxiety and I don’t know how to help him. The questions about my past sex life and partners is tearing us apart, it is daily, sometimes hourly when he gets into a tailspin and I’m getting frustrated which doesn’t help. I have been googling this and found rocd, which seems to fit but I’m petrified to bring it up to him as he is extremely well educated and has a psych minor degree and uses that when we argue. Any idea how to initiate a conversation about this would be so helpful. Thank you!

Ocd and try to regulate emotions. Are there any recommendations

V

:)

Same here and yes it does feel like you said it’s so hard when people want or force us to deal with that because it feel horrible to experience those sensation again, you are lucky you have someone like your husband who listens to you and try to really help.