I've been having obsessions about having cancer. Breast cancer specifically because I get cysts and lumps in my breast due to PCOS and some other hormonal imbalance issues. While I know this is causing me a great deal of distress, I never know when and if a time could be appropriate to go to a doctor without engaging in it as a compulsion. Except, I'm not sure if it matters either way because I've been checking my breast all day long for lumps and squeezing causing pain as well as reassurance seeking through stupid Google. When is the right time to even go to a doctor for a real concern? Ugh. No matter what I do, it seems like it's a compulsion..

tell me why… idk if this is just me but i’m so scared i have ovarian cancer, kidney stone, kidney failure, UTI, hernia, or something wrong that’s making my lower stomach to my inner thigh and pelvic area. i have an uncomfortable feeling. it was hurting more last night then it is today… everytime i pee it doesn’t hurt but i somewhat still get the uncomfortable feeling down there and feeling in stomach. i’ve been googling and idk what to do because i’m scared of the doctors and i haven’t had a physical like in 2 years and i’m like scared if i go to a physicial i will have something wrong with me like i have cancer or something that i don’t know about. something tells me the pain tho in general is something gastrointestinal related but idk if could mean i have pain down “there”…. i took a tylenol last night it helped a little but then it still kinda occurred and i took a tum and it’s still the same i think it’s still occurring since i’m so hyper focused about it. idk i’m just like ugh my OCD was doing so well i just can’t tell what it is or if something is wrong i’m just scared :( i hate when having certain pains i freak out.

hello. i have been going through health scare obsessions for at least 5 years now and it terrifies me. i mainly fear of cancer. i have no reason to fear of cancer because it is not a predominant condition in my family. i have been to check ups for skin cancer and been told it was nothing which relieves me for a short period of time but then i start thinking of other cancer possibilities :( it doesn’t help that im a smoker to deal with the stress of adhd and ocd which just fuels the obsession of lung cancer. i know it would help my fear to stop smoking but thats easier said than done. i have only been a smoker for 3 years and its the only thing that helps right now. on top of this, my brain makes me believe that every intrusive thought i have WILL MANIFEST into existence just from thinking about it! this has scared me so much in the last 5 years and once i told my mum about it and she said "if you ever got cancer we would deal with it, its okay" but that didnt help it just made it worse and the possibility become more scarier! please help me.

content warning: MRI results I got prescribed MRIs done on my lumbar and cervical spine over the weekend, and several things came back abnormal in the report. I started to google when I saw a word ending in -oma, got a basic definition of this particular kind of t*mor (probably benign/non-cancerous), realized that googling in this case was for sure a compulsion, caught myself and put my phone away. I told myself, "I have an appointment with my specialist in 2 days. I trust this doctor, so I will delay/not do my own reading until after I talk to her, and only if she recommends further self-education." I stuck to it and I was proud of myself. Cut to the appointmet today. I got lost in the building where her office is and arrived 14 mins late. The receptionist said there's a 15 minute grace period, so I would have to reschedule. No availability for 2 MONTHS, even for telehealth. First of all, I am so ashamed of being late (that's another trigger for me), and so hurt and rejected that they wouldn't talk to me, even very briefly. Now the urge to google is so extreme. There are objectively concerning things in my report, based on what she said ahead of time that we were looking for, and what would affect treatment. I also have a LOT of c*ncer in my family history; 3/4 grandparents, an aunt on each side, and 1.5 bio parents (1 was skin c*ncer, 1 was prec*ncerous polyps removed but considered high future risk to be monitored), so "-oma" and "t*mor" are big red flags in my minds. So while normally I am actually pretty good about living and making peace with my chronic conditions, and health ocd is really only like 5 on my hierarchy, I know that I actually do have to be vigilant about c*ncer in some ways. My balanced solution is sticking to recommended observation scheduling, and then entrusting the research and checking to my trusted providers, so that I am not being negligent nor being compulsive. But now what? I hate waiting. Idk if/when I'll hear from her. Chronic pain in those regions due to curvature and degenerative discs are the reasons I have to get MRIs every couple of years, and now I am so somatically, obsessively aware of that pain and wondering what's going on. This post is a vent, and is my choice to express the anxiety without giving into the desire to google. I'm not seeking reassurance on whether I/my test results are going to be ok. Still, I think just some understanding and/or advice on holding myself accountable for not compulsing would be deeply appreciated. Thanks.