Even though I know that I didn't say something that offends someone...I always check my past conversations in my mind that whether I told something that offends someone or not!😭😢

I did post about this the other day, but I’m just genuinely worried like this happened many years ago and I can’t really remember exactly what I said, but I have a feeling like I said something really mean and I think I lashed out on a person like a stranger cause I don’t know I was probably going through something and I’m afraid that like it was so bad it caused them to hurt themselves and now I keep thinking like what if the police are secretly looking for me because the harm caused, even though I have no evidence of any of this, but even this Happened like a deca ago, it still haunts me like I really hope that the person is OK and I constantly like keep reviewing like their conversation over and over again like in my mind like I genuinely feel like a bad person maybe even a criminal 😃

I said something stupid today. Again. 😞 I’m impulsive. I speak without thinking, and then I spiral afterward, replaying every word. I want so badly to learn how to think before I speak — but I feel like I’m just not wired that way. Can people even do this? I asked my therapist. He says I overthink everything and worries that if I try to pre-edit my speech, I’ll stop talking altogether and lose confidence. He also said it’s okay to walk things back and apologize. And while that may be true, I don’t see it as a big deal if I end up more quiet — because if I can’t say something intelligent, I’d rather say nothing at all. To me, the issue isn’t overthinking — it’s not thinking clearly before I speak. Then I overthink afterward, because what I said came out clumsy, careless, or unclear. Or I confessed something I'd rather not, like that meetings lead me to spiral analyze every statement I make in a meeting. I want to sound smarter. I want to be articulate. I want to speak without feeling ashamed five minutes later. I want to exist in conversations — especially at work — without constantly having to walk things back. And when I do have to walk things back? I suck at that too. My workplace is incredibly combative and political. Everyone’s always debating something. I’m the only left-leaning person, and it’s exhausting. I feel like I need emotional armor just to open my mouth. Toastmasters? Assertiveness training? Something? If anyone has even a glimmer of a solution, please share. I will cry tears of joy. Right now, I’m stuck in a loop about something I said at work. It wasn’t terrible, but it came out wrong — and I can’t stop replaying it. I keep wondering how it was received, whether it’ll be repeated, what people think of me now. Even though I know it wasn’t a big deal, it feels huge. I lose weekends to such stress. This always happens when I let my guard down. I say something off the cuff — because I’m anxious, or trying to connect cause Im anxious, confide in a colleague. Then I remember that I dont trust my colleagues cause they differ extensively from me. So I confess that I felt sexually harassed by someone & then when my colleague responds in a sexist way. I sit there in regret. Then I spiral: Why did I say that? Why didn’t I just stay quiet? What if someone tells someone else? What if I ruined my reputation? My workplace doesn’t feel emotionally safe — it’s full of ideological tension, judgment, and values that clash with mine. I’m constantly second-guessing myself. I don’t feel like I have the right tools to cope when I say something awkward or too honest. So yeah, even though ny therapist encourages me not to monitor myself too closely, but when things like this happen, it feels like I should’ve rehearsed everything beforehand so I don't internally scream.

It use to be so much worse but I notice I over share so bad, some examples are like whenever I’m in the store and I buy some random things and I’m checking out I always try to sneak in a reason for the stuff I’m buying so the cashier doesn’t think I’m weird even tho it’s probably regular stuff. Or if I think I said something wrong to someone I try to find a way to add in something to say to ensure they heard me correct. Most times this has worked other times it’s just me overthinking it. It’s so silly but annoying sometimes. I always over share things in case someone thinks I’m weird or something. Sometimes I even do it on here, if I think my post is confusing or someone could take it out of context, I’ll say something in the comments in case someone thinks I’m strange. It’s hard to kinda just let people think whatever, but my ocd seems to obsess a lot over what others are thinking. It sucks. I always have to know what they’re thinking and if I can’t I’ll try to get them to not think that way but I can’t help what anyone’s thinking about me.