Man ik people say not to test yourself or reassure or pray to God but it's so damn difficult my brai is always saying things but I just Wana scream go tf away I'm tired of pray constantly scared I wanted wife and kids but I'm so beat up that I don't want anything a girl was coming on to me but I'm so confused that I just freaked out and couldn't read my feelings idk what I am and saying that hurts just as much as intrusive thoughts if not more I don't want to be in a relationship with a girl then end up being something different and I don't want to be some thing different but right fucking now my thoughts are like ya you do and I can't ever tell if that's me or if those are intrusive thoughts hod I just want this to end what the hell do I have to do and for the love of God if you are one of the few that actually respond to other people's post please leave solid advice but tell me how to actually follow through how to not seek reassurance how to let the thoughts flow and not pay it any mind how to be rid of this I'm so damn scared of this it feels like I'm lost and completely alone God I wish for help but I'm tired of begging God ect ect and I don't want this at all please just make this go away give me my old self back

By the way this is so ocd

And of course my friends keep calling me a fag and I get hurt scared mad and sad and google says if ur offended by this it's cause you are but is It fear of it being a possibility or because of it potentially being true I honestly wish I was never born it's like I never had a chance at anything

I wish I was equipped with the solution. if I was, Im afraid I wouldn’t be here as well. But what I can tell you is you are NOT alone. I understand this. It’s so hard (getting emotional just typing this). But I personally have realized that you must be patient with yourself. You can’t perseverate on who you once were or how you” used to be”. This is what you are going through now and your thoughts and feelings are valid. And they hurt, I know. No day is ever wasted I promise. It’s just another day that you can say “I made it through today, so I must be strong”. Everyone says to take deep breaths or relax your muscles. It doesn’t work for me. What are these specific thoughts if you are comfortable sharing? Are you able to discern what they are saying? How do they make you feel? They are distracting, I know. But I promise you (from my experience) it gets so much easier. Be kind to yourself, you are doing better than you think. You spoke your truth here, that’s one step. I wish I had better advice, but maybe it will help to know you are not alone.

I hate this crap

Expensive