Thank you so much for your post
keep going through whatever you're going through, I'm sure it's gonna be worth it someday, for all of us 💜
Beautifully written, thank you for your post.
Thank you for sharing
Also, if you don’t mind me asking. When u say the thing that confirmed your pocd, did u mean groinal reaponses? I’m asking cuz I’m nervous mine is not ocd cuz I had groinal responses before the theme and it makes me doubt
Sorry for the wait, here's a long reply, I got a bit carried away and some of the things that I wrote could be a bit too messy to comprehend, I also hope to not have completely missed the point of your question: No, it's a bit intricate to explain , but with confirmation I meant that since that day, I've started avoiding k*ds, getting triggered every time I hear the word ****, carrying this overwhelming "guilt" with me everywhere I go, and having occasional flashbacks about that day. So I went from rejecting the idea of having ocd (because I was afraid of it) to accepting it out of necessity, because otherwise I'd feel like a monster. I already kinda knew that I had pocd, but it was very mild and at the time I was able to dismiss the thoughts, I still got bothered by seeing k*ds, but only that, I didn't feel this current intense distress. For these reasons I avoided etiquetting myself with pocd. But after that day pocd became an integral part of my life. But in answer to your concerns, groinal responses are very common in ocd, it stems from anxiety, they have absolutely no meaning, and the fact that you are so concerned about this shows to me that you're not a bad person. Keep in mind that "correlation doesn't imply causation". As we attacch unnecessary meaning to our thoughts we do the same with our body reactions. OCD is not about having groinal responses or not, they're just common anxiety reactions; OCD is all about doubt, which may even be a doubt inside a doubt, as in your case. You're currently trapped in a vicious circle; you're experiencing "backdoor spike OCD," which means that OCD is making you doubt that you have OCD by throwing everything at you to feed on your doubt. Also, it doesn't really matter if groinal responses happened before or after the supposed "confirmation" (if that's what you're asking). Perhaps I used that word incorrectly in my situation, but "confirmation" does not imply that everything before that was false. OCD is not something that becomes "authentic" or "real" only after a certain episode or factor, you simply become "more aware". You could say that OCD has always been with you, hidden; you don't know what it is, but you know that something is wrong, that YOU are wrong (not true, but it feels that way). But once you gain awareness, which can come from anything, you begin to understand it, and your compulsions become more "visible and noticeable". That's the only difference between "before" and "after", it doesn't matter if you had groinal responses before the theme. Obviously, very bad OCD episodes can leave you with a more lasting impression, invisible scars, worsening your obsessions, compulsions and triggers, which start to happen more easily and frequently. I'm sorry if this might not be what you needed to hear, I'm still trying to figure this out. Sending you strenght and self-compassion, we're all in this together.