Hi I have a problem with getting really bad thoughts that I am just the ugliest most disgusting person ever and these thoughts give me extreme anxiety and I usally cope with them with either caking makeup on or going on a spending spree so that I can look more like the girls in my classes. I go on Amazon try to find the best products to take my eye bags away, and I order it all. Then I get terrible anxiety that I spent to much money and that I will soon have no money. It’s just an endless cycle and it’s so exhausting I don’t know how to change the cycle. The intrusive thoughts about myself are too much to handle.

It's been more than two weeks im obsessing over social media especially my classmate who have freedom to do whatever like wearing revealing clothes be on social media. I've been buying clothes to do exactly like her which I really don't want to do it. But still I planning when to wear and when is the perfect timing. Also even if I wore ut my picture looks ugly then I might pan to do other day. The thing is I'm continually thinking when and how especially when your family member are lil strict. I'm think I ng continually which is effecting my studies alsoeven if I job I still plan when what if I didn't got time. I'm fedup I want to be happy and stay happy. I can't do this anymore because i can't have anxiety due to my heart problems. Plz anyone help me I will be so greatful. Plz and plz.

I can be way too hard on myself and beat myself up over the smallest slip up in regards to OCD. Sometimes it can feel like I'm gaslighting myself on what was "so blatantly and obviously a moral atrocity in thought and intent", when 95% of the time I'm not even sure what my own intent with dealing with these thoughts is or why I do what I do. It makes me feel like some shameless beast for "daring to even entertain the thought of something so VILE!!!" When I just get so confused and scared on moral issues, like my mind is pulled down a rabbit hole I can't escape until the tricks are done on me and it's too late, i've accepted such ideas I hate until that hate and trying to not give in convince me "it might not be that bad". It feels like anything, even the most mundane things can trigger this. This cycle happens mainly because I feel like there's "no way to escape committing more 'attrocities' in thought or compulsion anyway"...and these cycles become the basis for more of these incidents. there a way to stop this? There have been multiple times where I called myself the R word, and even knowing it's a slur I still called myself that because "I'm nothing if not deserving of such scorn". Any attempt to stop the madness makes it worse and it's like all this I talked about is so convincing I dare not question it until after the fact. Please help.

I apologize I post here a lot lol. I have a few questions/I want to vent about this. My therapist and I have identified one of the triggers I’ve been trying to work on, which is my fear of never being good enough; for myself, my family, my friends, for my romantic relationships, and just in general. Honestly, I hate myself so much. Not for any reason in particular, but I overanalyze everything I do and let it consume me. I know this is normal for most people, and everyone goes through bouts of self depreciation and lack of self love. I’m trying to give my love to myself that I’ve always given to other people and it’s so difficult. It’s really funny, I need male validation even though I feel like I can never trust a man ever again. I was broken up with at the beginning of April, and so you can imagine how my self worth really has been feeling. I’m aware my self worth isn’t based on other people’s perception of me, but I just want to be loved consistently through my ocd and adhd. It feels like it’s too much for people, while I simultaneously feel like I’m making this a massive deal. I don’t want to get into another relationship ever again, I just think I’m too weird for most men or they’ll take advantage of me for something again. I think if a man is nice to me, it means there’s an ulterior motive or a catch. There’s genuinely no way someone even cares as much about me as I do them, it’s always one sided. I love my friends, I’m taking about relationships wise. Not to mention, I hate the way I look and act. When I think I’m somewhat decent looking, there’s always a post to pop up with this stunningly beautiful girl. I can never catch up with modern beauty standards. I hate this so so so much. I hate feeling this way, how do I make this all stop?