I was on my way to the train station and someone stopped me because they needed help looking for something. I didn't want to say no because I didn't want to come off as rude to that person. They needed help lifting a cart up the stairs so I helped them. But they also didn't have any money to get past the fee to ride the Subway. I paid but she kept talking to get my attention. This time I got really stuck on what to do because something told me I wasn't supposed to open the door that is push only. But I did it anyway because I didn't want to seem rude or like a bad person for rejecting a Samaritan in need. This one event has given me the most anxiety and it's still messing with me to the point where I'm tearing up. I feel like I just committed a crime by helping that person. I feel like I did something terrible. I wouldn't normally do that myself if I were alone but at the same time that person needed my help and I just wanted to do something good and helpful for someone for a change. I just can't get over it. I can't calm down. I can't shake it off and just move on like most other people would. I'm just left with heavy anxiety and overthinking. I guess what I'm supposed to do is not get anyone to tell me that this is not a bad thing or that I'm fine, but instead to just sit there and let it bother me. This feels terrible. I feel like a criminal.

You know exactly what you need to do at this moment. Tell yourself, maybe I broke a law. Oh well. And sit with that anxiety and guilt. Don’t ruminate. Don’t get reassurance. Accept that you made a decision. You can remind yourself that this experience is ocd and your thoughts are meaningless noise. I’m praying for you. God loves you.

So I'm just supposed to accept that I'll just be in jail one day because I may have broken a law and that my life could be over?

@BigGip09 You're not accepting you will be in jail one day. You're accepting that it's possible but not likely. After all, what's the actual alternative?

@titaniumonetwo Possible but not likely? I guess that's a better way to put it. I'm not sure what you mean by alternative though. You mean what do I have to lose? I'd say A lot

@BigGip09 I think they might mean what's the actual likelyhood of that happening. I have this same thing. Do you have discord? We could chat.

@Anonymous I don't know the actual likelihood, which is what magnifies the worrying, even if it's not there at all.

@Anonymous I have discord but I'm not sure if I'm up for it.

@BigGip09 That's ok. I get it. I've been struggling at this point for a while. And with Wondering how broken I am because I might have OCD. I just started a job that deals with behavioral health, intellectual developmental disabilities, and sexual predators and it is TRIGGERING. I knew it would be but it is roughhhh. If you change your mind. Shoot me a message. I'd love to talk to someone that gets this place.

@Anonymous Maybe that job could be an opportunity to help you out with exposures. I still don't really understand how exposures work but with this job, I think you can test yourself to see how you can sit with those negative feelings and get over them. This sounds like a job that you want you do and you can tell yourself that you won't let it get to you because of the thoughts. Hope this helps

@BigGip09 I appreciate it. That's what "less obsessed me" told myself. Past me is always setting future me up for challenging but rewarding things. Present me is just like WTF man. But I'm tired. I have a 10 month old and I just want to enjoy these days as I'll never get them back. I want to be happy. Sorry if I hijacked your thread.

@Anonymous I wish there were a cure for this disorder so that no one would have to go through why hardships that, for the most part, is in their head. I think with practicing the things needed to get over this disorder will help us. I've been putting off on it for too long. Years even. I think it's time to make a difference. And don't apologize. I'm just happy to be able to speak out about these things

@BigGip09 Appreciate. ERP terrifies me. I feel like if I'm just depressed, it'll make me worse. Just can't accept that my life could possibly be over. I can accept that I could get hit by a bus at any moment but not...these other things. I hope you find peace too.