- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
You know exactly what you need to do at this moment. Tell yourself, maybe I broke a law. Oh well. And sit with that anxiety and guilt. Don’t ruminate. Don’t get reassurance. Accept that you made a decision. You can remind yourself that this experience is ocd and your thoughts are meaningless noise. I’m praying for you. God loves you.
- Date posted
- 3y
So I'm just supposed to accept that I'll just be in jail one day because I may have broken a law and that my life could be over?
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
@BigGip09 You're not accepting you will be in jail one day. You're accepting that it's possible but not likely. After all, what's the actual alternative?
- Date posted
- 3y
@titaniumonetwo Possible but not likely? I guess that's a better way to put it. I'm not sure what you mean by alternative though. You mean what do I have to lose? I'd say A lot
- Date posted
- 3y
@BigGip09 I think they might mean what's the actual likelyhood of that happening. I have this same thing. Do you have discord? We could chat.
- Date posted
- 3y
@Anonymous I don't know the actual likelihood, which is what magnifies the worrying, even if it's not there at all.
- Date posted
- 3y
@Anonymous I have discord but I'm not sure if I'm up for it.
- Date posted
- 3y
@BigGip09 That's ok. I get it. I've been struggling at this point for a while. And with Wondering how broken I am because I might have OCD. I just started a job that deals with behavioral health, intellectual developmental disabilities, and sexual predators and it is TRIGGERING. I knew it would be but it is roughhhh. If you change your mind. Shoot me a message. I'd love to talk to someone that gets this place.
- Date posted
- 3y
@Anonymous Maybe that job could be an opportunity to help you out with exposures. I still don't really understand how exposures work but with this job, I think you can test yourself to see how you can sit with those negative feelings and get over them. This sounds like a job that you want you do and you can tell yourself that you won't let it get to you because of the thoughts. Hope this helps
- Date posted
- 3y
@BigGip09 I appreciate it. That's what "less obsessed me" told myself. Past me is always setting future me up for challenging but rewarding things. Present me is just like WTF man. But I'm tired. I have a 10 month old and I just want to enjoy these days as I'll never get them back. I want to be happy. Sorry if I hijacked your thread.
- Date posted
- 3y
@Anonymous I wish there were a cure for this disorder so that no one would have to go through why hardships that, for the most part, is in their head. I think with practicing the things needed to get over this disorder will help us. I've been putting off on it for too long. Years even. I think it's time to make a difference. And don't apologize. I'm just happy to be able to speak out about these things
- Date posted
- 3y
@BigGip09 Appreciate. ERP terrifies me. I feel like if I'm just depressed, it'll make me worse. Just can't accept that my life could possibly be over. I can accept that I could get hit by a bus at any moment but not...these other things. I hope you find peace too.
- Date posted
- 3y
That is exactly where I get stuck at. Just doesn't compute for me.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 21w
So, I know my capacity to get fixated on things. And it's normally something that's relatively remote but, my latest issue is really getting to me and I was wondering if people have any advice. I'm avoiding getting too into specifics, as I don't want this to get reassurance-y but, in essence.. I came to the realisation recently that people who I'd been "friends" (feels like the wrong term now) when I was younger were not very nice people, and normalized a lot of very unpleasant behaviour towards other members of the group. They really normalized it, sold themselves as figures of authority, as older and more responsible and grown-up than others, and looking back, they acted horribly. And coming to this realisation, that I'd been manipulated into just accepting their behaviour has just... broken me. My OCD has latched onto it and I can't stop feeling irreversibly tainted by it. I've talked to others about it, and they've reassured me, told me it's not a big deal and that I hold myself to too high a standard, but none of that sticks. I feel better for a bit, then think 'Maybe when you told them you were skewing it to make yourself look better' or 'Did you leave out a crucial detail'. I keep ruminating over and over, trying to remember exactly how everything played out, trying to figure out if I fed into the behaviour, if I did something bad myself (because y'know, I feel like I was accepting of it at the time, so what does it say about my own values?). I know I need to stop doing all this if I want to improve, but then some part of me keeps saying 'So, you're just going to let yourself off the hook then?' Normally, I can rationalize my own fears to some degree, assure myself something won't happen, but the realness of the situation, and the fact I only came to understand the reality of it because the thought had been bothering me means it feels so much more all-encompassing. I know confessing in itself is a compulsion, but I keep feeling that if I'm not I'm somehow concealing what I 'really am' from others around me, and any positive interactions are me deceiving them in some way. I feel like I can't enjoy anything in life right now, and a good part of me feels I should not enjoy it ever again. If anybody has any advice on it, I'm all ears. Or even hearing if you relate to these feelings, I might appreciate the solidarity at least.
- Date posted
- 16w
Hey so a couple months ago (7-8) I remember being upset at my family member. Like she was talking too much while I was annoyed and remember wanting her to be quiet. I got an intrusive thought like a really bad image of doing something really bad to her, and my hand twitched to the side a little? Like it felt like I was about to?! And I remembered thinking "if I do this, I'll get in trouble". I got up and left to the bathroom and felt horrified! I was thinking "did I want to act out? Did the only reason I didn't act out was because of getting in trouble? If there was no consequences, would have I done it?! Does this mean this whole time I've been using OCD as an excuse?" I remember I couldn't sleep for 3 nights because of how bad the anxiety was, I was crying and I felt very guilty like I should turn myself in to a mental hospital. I couldn't eat for many days or be near her because of that thought and twitch I had! I'm worried it was an impulse or I actually wanted to hurt her. And even to this day I still ruminanate about this. Like last night I couldn't sleep well I kept waking up every two hours and asking myself "am I capable?" I couldn't eat last night. Sometimes I move on from it like I forget that happened but when I remember, I feel distressed about it! I don't want to be an evil person or do bad actions towards anyone! I'm even scared to be angry because of this because I'm scared I have more "chance" of acting out due to anger. Like was it an impulse and I held back? Is this even OCD? Please help, I'm really scared!
- Date posted
- 15w
I look back at various past events in my life where I said or did things that I feel really guilty, disgusted, and ashamed about. I replay them in my head for hours. I feel anxious about crossing paths with people that I've hurt or upset in the past or who perceive me badly, to the point that I will avoid going out in public as much as possible. I go out for work, errands, appointments, and occasionally to eat (even though those all give me a lot of anxiety), but I avoid community events where people might recognize me and I tend to isolate myself. The only people I see regularly are my boyfriend, my parents, and my coworkers. I live in a small community and I'm worried about people confronting me publicly and proving what a bad person I must be.
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