I came back from my job interview today and I went to sleep after I came back I woke up checked my email and I see that I have been rejected I was so close to getting the job I feel like such a failure now I even told my family I don’t understand what I did wrong in the interview

So I had my induction/first day at work today and I felt so anxious I’ve cried ever since coming home. I feel like I was just told a load of information that I HAVE to remember and now I’m left on my own devices. Everyone else looks so confident in what they’re doing and knows their way around and knows each other and I’m just literally alone and know nothing.

I had to stay home from work today because even though I was exhausted I got 1 hour of sleep. I work 7 days a week between 2 jobs and I finally said today I need a mental day. I am lonelier than ever and have lost friends over the past few years or just lost touch. My best friend ever stopped speaking with me after a group tour of the UK a few years ago and now someone that was our mutual friend is best friends with her and brushes me off. I tried to reach out to my ex friend and make peace but no answer. She has many friends now and a boyfriend. I realize I had some drunk nights that make people not want to hang out with me but I was up last night feeling complete rejection to the fullest and horrible about myself. At rock bottom I have no one. On top of that I was just in a toxic relationship while living abroad and he turned out to be a chronic cheater and married with 2 kids. I have one friend who speaks to me from LA from time to time but as for here in New York I barely got anyone left and bad memories. I can’t be afraid of not going to sleep every night because of thoughts or depression. My period is due any day which doesn’t help. I was just crying so much last night. I’ve never felt so alone. I just feel like a horrible human being that no one wants to be around and I try to make it right.

I got a job offer as a part-time adjunct professor at a local university, but I still feel as if I failed at life. Let’s be honest, being an adjunct is NOT a good thing. It pays very little (a McDonald’s crew employee earns more) and has no benefits. But, it’s all I can get for now and I desperately need the money. I don’t have enough to even take care of my basic needs. I’ve already applied to nearly 350 jobs, with no success. Why am I such a failure? Because I made the stupidest decision to get a PhD. Now I’m overqualified for many full time positions, or just lack the tech skills to get a real job. So I’m stuck with this. Not sure how I should proceed, it’s either I let my pride get in the way and not take the job or just take it and go along with the flow. Anyone here can relate?