I came back from my job interview today and I went to sleep after I came back I woke up checked my email and I see that I have been rejected I was so close to getting the job I feel like such a failure now I even told my family I don’t understand what I did wrong in the interview

I had to stay home from work today because even though I was exhausted I got 1 hour of sleep. I work 7 days a week between 2 jobs and I finally said today I need a mental day. I am lonelier than ever and have lost friends over the past few years or just lost touch. My best friend ever stopped speaking with me after a group tour of the UK a few years ago and now someone that was our mutual friend is best friends with her and brushes me off. I tried to reach out to my ex friend and make peace but no answer. She has many friends now and a boyfriend. I realize I had some drunk nights that make people not want to hang out with me but I was up last night feeling complete rejection to the fullest and horrible about myself. At rock bottom I have no one. On top of that I was just in a toxic relationship while living abroad and he turned out to be a chronic cheater and married with 2 kids. I have one friend who speaks to me from LA from time to time but as for here in New York I barely got anyone left and bad memories. I can’t be afraid of not going to sleep every night because of thoughts or depression. My period is due any day which doesn’t help. I was just crying so much last night. I’ve never felt so alone. I just feel like a horrible human being that no one wants to be around and I try to make it right.

I got a job offer as a part-time adjunct professor at a local university, but I still feel as if I failed at life. Let’s be honest, being an adjunct is NOT a good thing. It pays very little (a McDonald’s crew employee earns more) and has no benefits. But, it’s all I can get for now and I desperately need the money. I don’t have enough to even take care of my basic needs. I’ve already applied to nearly 350 jobs, with no success. Why am I such a failure? Because I made the stupidest decision to get a PhD. Now I’m overqualified for many full time positions, or just lack the tech skills to get a real job. So I’m stuck with this. Not sure how I should proceed, it’s either I let my pride get in the way and not take the job or just take it and go along with the flow. Anyone here can relate?

So I just learned that my brother is going to be starting a new full-time job with benefits at the school my mom works at. And to add insult to injury, he’s going to be making more $$ than me. I am deeply hurt by that since I’ve got more education and experience than he does. To compare: Me: PhD awarded 6 years experience in software engineering Prestigious internships Published papers in reputable journals Him: Hasn’t completed his associates degree Worked at fast food But yet, he’s got a full-time position with great benefits without applying to too many jobs. I’m stuck with a part time faculty job making less than a McDonalds employee. And I’ve applied to 350+ jobs already, getting rejected for “overqualified” or not a fit because of my outdated tech skills. Where the hell did I go wrong??? I’m really regretting spending 10+ years working my @ss off for that piece of paper, which in reality no one cares about. He’s getting all the praise from mom and dad now, while I’m the failure who didn’t live up to their potential. It’s a cruel twist of fate. I thought I was going to make boatloads of money with a career as a machine learning engineer. But again, it’s been 350+ applications with not even an interview. FML