Does anyone else experience something similar? So I don’t know how long I’ve had ocd but the earliest I can remember it really is november 2020 I think, it may have been before that but I’m not sure. In November 2020 I watched a movie that was trending on tik tok called Megan is missing (it’s hard for me to even type that) and it affected me a lot. I was 13 nearly 14 when I watched it. And I was already sensitive to some of the things in it like the r word cause I’m 2019 I watched 13 reasons why ( I never even used to be able to say or type that) when I was 12 after my cousin mentioned it and I watched it out of curiosity. It’s weird because with 13rw it had me upset for so so long but at the same time I had this sort of attachment to Hannah and I liked the show but at the same time it was obviously SO SO sad and triggering. The suicide scene got removed about a week after I watched it so I did see that aswell. But my obsession with titanic took my mind off it mostly but I’m always thinking about Hannah a lot and she’s drifting back in a lot. Like it’s fine cause she doesn’t scare me like it does when I get intrusive thoughts about Megan is missing because that scares me a lot. Obviously some of the things that happened to Hannah are very scary but when I think of her or 13 I don’t get scared I just get sad. But my thoughts keep telling me that I’ll end up doing what Hannah did in the future, but Hannah does have a place in my heart cause I know she’s fictional and everything and she brought me lots of sadness but she brought me happiness in her happy scenes and she’s just special to me cause I’ve “known” her for nearly 3 years now and I also get very nostalgic when I think about the first time I watched it. Anyway, I only told someone I watched these things about a month ago. (A couple of friends knew I watched 13 but yeah) I was just getting so many intrusive images of Megan is missing and I needed to tell someone so I told one of the teachers I trust and they phoned my mum. The teachers are thinking this is what cause my ocd maybe because no one in my family has it and it can be caused by a traumatic experience or something. They said it’s good because I at least have a possible reason and I think that but at the same time I don’t want it to be the reason because if it is then that means I’ve been going through this pain because of something I watched in 2020. I only told someone about my ocd in march 2021. I remember it was the 18th march and I just needed to tell someone because thinking about it now I can’t believe I kept it to myself for that long because of obviously all the rituals I was constantly doing and the horrible thoughts etc. i didn’t really understand what was happening at first. But I just don’t have motivation to do anything anymore and I just can’t be arsed. And the trigger words are always in my head and it says it will happen to me, because it can literally happen to anyone so easily. I know no one has probably read this far and I don’t blame you but has anyone else had a similar experience?

Hi guys! I had really bad harm ocd about 2 years ago and I went through therapy and eventually got really good at handling it when it would pop up. The other day, I was scrolling on TikTok and came across a girl talking about a guy who was presenting a lot of schizophrenic symptoms but no one paid attention and got him help, he was having a lot of delusions, hallucinating, thinking everyone was out to get him, thought he was Jesus and his dad was the president and ended up doing horrific things. The day after that, I was dealing with some work drama and had the thought of “what if all my coworkers are against me and trying to get me fired”. That really stressed me out, cause I don’t normally think about them like that and I went down a rabbit hole of thinking that was the beginning of me developing schizophrenia, ended up googling stuff all night, taking tests, crying and seeking reassurance. I had a thought the other day “your dad is the president”, this one didn’t stress me out as bad as I knew it was just the video I had seen and it was an intrusive thought about it, and I also didn’t believe it. Today I was with some friends and I got a prize at a place we went and it said “lonely” on it. I do have my moments of feeling lonely and this week has been specifically trying so I had a thought like “oh someone’s out to get me cause I got this”. I know this isn’t logical and it wouldn’t make sense to just randomly get it if someone was truly after me and it was just a stupid prize at a random place, anyone could’ve gotten it. Im just struggling a lot with schizophrenic OCD and thinking I’m in the pre stages of it. In my good moments, I don’t think I am at all and it was all just sparked from the video I watched but in my bad moments, these thoughts feel real!! They really stress me out and make me feel like I’m going to lose my mind causing me to lose my job/ end up in a psych hospital/ never live a normal life/ end up alone, never see me my loved ones/ hurt my loved ones. I just want to feel normal and not like I’m about to lose my mind and everything I care about. Please help!!! Anyone else going through something similar and can help me get through this!

Hi my names Abby and i’m 16 years old. (I am undiagnosed) Everything that’s lead me and my therapist to potentially believe I have ocd has been the worst experience of my life so far. For my childhood and my teenage years up until I was 15, we’re really difficult. I was bullied a lot growing up and I had a lot of family dynamics that were really hard. (I have 2 siblings that were my half siblings, whom I have no relationship with anymore due to them being much older than me and them disliking my parents for many reasons) but I always felt super alone growing up. I was always told growing up to “stop” or to “shut up” from them and sometimes “stop” from my parents because I was very energetic and excited all the time. So I learned to stay quiet a lot. I was exposed to a lot of gore/pornographic material around age 7-8, which I realize now lead me to have sexual experiences at a young age with females the same gender as me when I was very young. I started masturbating when I was super young. I find that I have forgotten most of my childhood, but sometimes random memories come up in my mind and I remember, or I dream about them. I have very weird dreams that disturb me heavily. I am an INFP personality, and have always loved to help others and care. I love music/ art and guitar so heavily, and love writing poetry. My dream is to become a psychologist and help others whom struggle the same as me. I am very sensitive. I love reading. But recently the past 2 months I haven’t been writing or reading a lot, and when I do it feels inauthentic. The same with playing guitar. I don’t know what triggered this major change in my life, but it all started a few days after my boyfriend left on a trip with his family from the U.S (where we are) to travel across Europe for 3 weeks. He’s been back for about 2 months now but the whatever triggered is still the same. I’ve been dissociating heavily and my memory is terrible. Time passes by so quickly, and I don’t know why but I am now struggling every second of the day with these horrible harmful thoughts (mostly triggered by seeing weapons or example: say my eye is hurting really bad I imagine my eye popping out of my head) these horrible images, whether this be hurting my family or other people. When I first started having these thoughts I panicked and cried and had major panic attacks for weeks, but i’ve been dealing with them for so long now I become really numb and try to avoid going to places that have items of harm. I feel like i’ve lost my identity completely, and I don’t know who I am anymore, I just want to go back to who I was. I really need help. I’ve been worrying i’m a psychopath and that what if I actually desire to do those bad things? Even though I know i’d never ever do them. Please help me.

tw: abuse I feel like my early childhood experiences may have caused OCD. Most of them not really positive, involving one that was somewhat sexual but could be passed off as a brief accident (without going into detail), though even that I feel like has left a scar of some sort. I also endured neglect and unfortunately physical abuse for a really long time so I do sometimes get flashbacks of certain things and it's tragic what happened. This made me hide completely everything from my parents and not interact with them, instead being left completely alone to figure things out myself. It made me redirect to the online world where morbid curiosity led me to really disturbing stories and tales, all at an age where I wasn't really able to process it completely and instead resorted to saying "This wouldn't be me, 100%. This is disgusting.". Could this have caused my OCD? Maybe helped trigger it, not like it made it any better. I almost feel like I was watching those videos compulsively, to see whether I still react "how I'm supposed to". I was also raised in a very religious and strict household, where any deviation from the norm was considered "against God" which also is how OCD started - with me getting blasphemous thoughts and feeling like I'm going to hell over it. It's also caused a lot of internalized homophobia / transphobia where OCD told me that by being LGBTQ+ I'm immoral or that "God has left me to my own twisted desires" and that the next step is complete immorality. Hell, it even made me avoid the term "pan" and use "bi" instead because it told me "So you're open to relationships with all genders, sure, but what if you start ignoring everything altogether?", yikes. I even had transgender OCD, but the kind where you're afraid you'll suddenly become the other gender / are on your way to becoming the other gender AND that you'll be socially outcast for it. Interestingly enough, I've learned that it's nothing dangerous and I am in theory transgender - not the opposite sex assigned at birth, just outside the binary. And I can already hear OCD screaming "SO YOU'RE GONNA NORMALIZE SOMETHING BAD NEXT" - no, I won't. All the theme's I've had up until this point were characteristic of Pure OCD - always things that are seen by me as "unacceptable" or "wrong". Whether it's me having swears interjected into prayer, or worrying that I'll become trans and be outcast, or then worrying about harm ending up on sexual OCD, all revolve around me fearing that I'm not who I think I am and trying to desperately figure out whether that's the case. Anyone relate? Any advice you would have for me? I feel like this could be CPTSD / generally trauma but then I'm not qualified to say that it is with certainty. Just wanted to rant / vent.