- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
You have depersonalization derealization disorder?
- Date posted
- 3y
I haven’t been diagnosed with it, but I’ve been dealing with the symptoms since 2020.
- Date posted
- 3y
@Peter ! Wow, not to many people even know what it is and the percentage of people who have it is also very small. Do you have episodes of disconnecting from yourself?
- Date posted
- 3y
@Anonymous I know. I didn’t know what it was either when I experienced the feelings in 2020-2021. I felt as if I literally couldn’t think and I couldn’t even describe how I felt during those moments which made me panic because of the feeling. I constantly had panic attacks over it for months. Every single day. When I would go out in public, the environment would look super weird and it felt as if I wasn’t actually there. My panic attacks stopped just a few months ago along with the depersonalization, somewhat. Now just recently I started getting harm intrusive thoughts and now my disassociation is back, it’s mostly through depersonalization though, not the derealization that I had in 2020-2021. My episodes seem to last a very long time.
- Date posted
- 3y
@Anonymous When I would tell my mom and my aunt (a registered nurse), no one seemed to pay attention to what I was saying so they assumed that it had to be some reaction from a medical condition. I kept going to the ER constantly because of the attacks and it was very scary. I think I may have developed Panic Discord under it or something, unless it’s under OCD. I would panic over any little sensation that I had too. Any normal bodily sensation. If I got minimal pain in my chest, which I did, I freaked out badly. My blood pressure was always high and my heart rate was constantly high (the highest it would go was 160-170) . I don’t experience heart palpitations anymore, but I still sometimes get that panic feeling.
- Date posted
- 3y
@Anonymous Btw I’m barely 16
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- 3y
@Anonymous And now my body’s muscles have been twitching for months. My cardiologist thinks it may be from a magnesium deficiency, but idk. I’m taking a magnesium supplement right now and I still have the twitched (I’ve been taking it for a week already). I have a nurelogist appointment in May too. If there’s nothing physcially wrong with me, then it has to be from anxiety, which it can be. I’m tired of living like this.
- Date posted
- 3y
@Peter ! *still have the twitches
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- 3y
@Peter ! I’m so sorry your going through that. I dated someone with depersonalization before and that’s how I learned about the condition. He would go through episodes of outer body experiences where he’d literally zone out and not be connected to what was going on. It usually connected to anxiety I would assume for example being around way to many people at once it was a trigger or anything stressful going on. I know the condition also stems from childhood trauma as well. Your so young, have you had triggers from the past that could have spiraled you into this? I know it can be cured! It just takes a lot of working through.
- Date posted
- 3y
@Anonymous I’m not sure. But the year before I first had my depersonalization, I moved middle schools and left my other friends that I knew since like Pre-K.
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- 3y
@Anonymous I can still remember the first time I had DPDR. It was on Halloween in 2019 while I was trick or treating.
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- 3y
@Peter ! Were you out with friends or parents? What was your episode like?
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- 3y
@Anonymous I was walking on the side walk with my cousins, trick or treating. I remember looking down at my legs and it felt like I was a robot or something, as if my movements were just scripted. It definitely felt weird.
- Date posted
- 3y
@Anonymous I thought it felt weird, and after that night, I really was never the same. I was in soccer that year at my school, and I remember being on the field and putting a vest over me. My eyes were covered by it as I was putting it on, and as soon as I was able to see, another episode hit. It felt very strange and not real. After that, the episodes started to be constant and more long to the point where I started panicking from them.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 21w
I’ve been through a lot of trauma the past few months and years and had an anxiety breakthrough where I can’t stop having panic and anxiety attacks. I used to be a horror movie addict and one night during an anxiety attack my brain went “Kill your sister” My sister is my whole world. It all went downhill from there. I can’t even be around her when were home alone anymore. Every single day since then my brain is trying to tell me a bunch of different ways to harm her. Its getting to a point where its involving others now. “Kill your sister.” “What if you finally go back to your boyfriends house and kill his family?” “What if you kill mom?” “Kill that lady walking down the aisle at work.” “What if you killed yourself?” “You’re a bad person for thinking all of this.” “You shouldn’t be allowed to sleep, eat or relax. Bad people don’t get to do those things.” “These thoughts are in your head 24/7 because you WANT to do these things!” Its causing me so much anxiety and racing thoughts and I don’t want to become anymore depressed. SSRIs dont work. My doctor wants me to go on antipsychotics but I’m afraid to and I feel like I don’t actually need them and it will cause more damage. My goal is to become the person I was before all of this. Not to change completely. I tried buspirone once and I stopped due to increased health anxiety and often found myself saying “remember when you wanted to kill your sister?” and then brushing it off. It helped in some sort of way. I was only on it for a week. My whole life has changed since then. I dont go to my boyfriends house anymore, I dont see my friends, I can’t play video games anymore. All I do is ruminate and I cant stop. I cant even hold a conversation anymore. The compulsions are horrible. I’m so scared that theres no coming back from this. Its all adding to the anxiety that I don’t want to become severe depression. I just want to be me again. I’m starting off ERP and if it doesn’t work I dont know what to do. Can someone please tell me they have been through similar and have gotten better. I just need to save my life. Its getting to a point where this is convincing me this is all real and its going to happen and that im gonna become a psychopath. Its been going on for 3 months. I used to be so bubbly and happy!! (I am not schizoaffective)
- Date posted
- 20w
I'm at my college and don't feel like being here. I didn't even want to come here. I woke up with anxiety bc i feel like i need to solve this. I had a bad stomach ache when i arrived to school and still havent even eaten breakfast yet bc i feel like i have to solve this. Im just so worried bc i have harm thoughts daily. If i could i would remove this! I dont want to think anymore. Its just, how do I know i dont have real urges when I'm feeling a negative emotion like anger or disappointment or annoyance? Im worried EVERY time i feel a negative emotion. Yesterday I was playing video games with my neice (we are close in age range) and she made us lose. She started blaming me and I guess i felt a little annoyed, it really wasnt my fault (dumb mini argument it was more playful since we started laughing but it was a bit annoying). Anyway i got a harm thought while feeling annoyed of me getting off the couch and lunging at her to attack. I immediately look at my bodily reaction and I tense up to stay as still as possible. My stomach was hurting and i wanted to leave as fast as possible. I stood up and turned off the game and said i was tired while making sure to stay back from her (and i had my hands away and stiff) but i felt so uneasy. I laid I bed and felt sad and heavy. And i kept getting thoughts that said "íts only a matter of time before you can't take it anymore". I started to reassurance seek using ai to ask if i was about to or if they are real urges or thoughts i mean until i eventually fell asleep in the middle of the compulsion. Im just so worried, what if I act out impulsevly one day? I dont want to! But what if when feeling a negative emotion, i suddenly dont care and do something? I really dont want to! I dont even want to feel negative emotions anymore since they trigger the thoughts and I dont want to think about any of that. As a result i tend to avoid my family as much as possible bc they are annoying sometimes. I just wish i was all alone sometimes so i wont get any more thoughts and so everyone can be safe. I usually just stay in bed under my blankets all day long to avoid my family and pets. I am constantly uncomfortable. I miss when i would never think any of this. Living life has become very scary for me now. 😞
- Date posted
- 14w
i’ve just been feeling so off lately. i’m okay right now, but a couple hours ago i was in this mood where i felt anxiety creeping up. like i will feel like there’s danger when there isn’t. i just get this really uncomfortable feeling that something feels wrong even when it isn’t. and i’ve been feeling derealization/depersonalization. just really disconnected from myself and the world. i’ve also been unmotivated to where there are times when the thought of doing things upsets me. and i’ve been having existential thoughts that do not mesh well with harm ocd. i get the thought “if people aren’t real then it’s okay to hurt them”. it sucks because there are times where i just don’t even care to ruminate and find reassurance that that’s not the case. furthermore, i’ve just been really aware of my existence. i will get moments where i’m so aware of my existence and it freaks me out. like the fact that i’m a living human being is crazy to me. then there are times when i’m not even anxious about anything which then has me questioning and ruminating on that because i ALWAYS have something i’m worrying about. i’ve also been feeling really nostalgic and bittersweet of the good memories from the past. i keep thinking about good times i’ve had and really wishing i could relive it. for example, last summer was a pretty good summer even with my ocd. and i just wish i could relive some of those moments, but i obviously can’t. and it’s been upsetting me because this month has been shitty with my anxiety. as for an update with my room change to those of you curious, i still have anxiety over it and my mom is taking it as me being ungrateful with what i have when it’s my ocd making a huge deal of it. that upsets me especially since i’ve told her what’s been going on and she was really understanding of it. anyways, life has just been a bit much and i’ve been dealing with more to my anxiety that i don’t appreciate. while worrying about constantly throwing up with my contamination ocd is incredibly exhausting, it’s so normal to me that i’m used to it. but when my harm ocd kicks in along with other themes that aren’t usually common for me, i freak out and feel like i’m going insane. i genuinely wonder how people have dealt with taboo topics of ocd without treatment for years on end. i’ve had harm intrusive thoughts since i was little, but it didn’t get to any extreme until 2023. i feel like i’m drowning in it when it decides to hit me and the thought of having to deal with it for the rest of my life?? i’m scared something in me will flip and i’ll become what my thoughts are telling me i am. i apologize for the mixed thoughts that are all over the place but i feel safe posting on here about it and want to hear how y’all are doing
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