I just want to drink sodas full of caffeine so I can get my anxiety up. I know that sounds weird but when I would get my anxiety with my harm intrusive thoughts, it made me relieved that I feared the thoughts badly and that I didn’t like them. I don’t want to worsen my depersonalization though.

I haven’t been diagnosed with it, but I’ve been dealing with the symptoms since 2020.

@Peter ! Wow, not to many people even know what it is and the percentage of people who have it is also very small. Do you have episodes of disconnecting from yourself?

@Anonymous I know. I didn’t know what it was either when I experienced the feelings in 2020-2021. I felt as if I literally couldn’t think and I couldn’t even describe how I felt during those moments which made me panic because of the feeling. I constantly had panic attacks over it for months. Every single day. When I would go out in public, the environment would look super weird and it felt as if I wasn’t actually there. My panic attacks stopped just a few months ago along with the depersonalization, somewhat. Now just recently I started getting harm intrusive thoughts and now my disassociation is back, it’s mostly through depersonalization though, not the derealization that I had in 2020-2021. My episodes seem to last a very long time.

@Anonymous When I would tell my mom and my aunt (a registered nurse), no one seemed to pay attention to what I was saying so they assumed that it had to be some reaction from a medical condition. I kept going to the ER constantly because of the attacks and it was very scary. I think I may have developed Panic Discord under it or something, unless it’s under OCD. I would panic over any little sensation that I had too. Any normal bodily sensation. If I got minimal pain in my chest, which I did, I freaked out badly. My blood pressure was always high and my heart rate was constantly high (the highest it would go was 160-170) . I don’t experience heart palpitations anymore, but I still sometimes get that panic feeling.

@Anonymous Btw I’m barely 16

@Anonymous And now my body’s muscles have been twitching for months. My cardiologist thinks it may be from a magnesium deficiency, but idk. I’m taking a magnesium supplement right now and I still have the twitched (I’ve been taking it for a week already). I have a nurelogist appointment in May too. If there’s nothing physcially wrong with me, then it has to be from anxiety, which it can be. I’m tired of living like this.

@Peter ! *still have the twitches

@Peter ! I’m so sorry your going through that. I dated someone with depersonalization before and that’s how I learned about the condition. He would go through episodes of outer body experiences where he’d literally zone out and not be connected to what was going on. It usually connected to anxiety I would assume for example being around way to many people at once it was a trigger or anything stressful going on. I know the condition also stems from childhood trauma as well. Your so young, have you had triggers from the past that could have spiraled you into this? I know it can be cured! It just takes a lot of working through.

@Anonymous I’m not sure. But the year before I first had my depersonalization, I moved middle schools and left my other friends that I knew since like Pre-K.

@Anonymous I can still remember the first time I had DPDR. It was on Halloween in 2019 while I was trick or treating.

@Peter ! Were you out with friends or parents? What was your episode like?

@Anonymous I was walking on the side walk with my cousins, trick or treating. I remember looking down at my legs and it felt like I was a robot or something, as if my movements were just scripted. It definitely felt weird.

@Anonymous I thought it felt weird, and after that night, I really was never the same. I was in soccer that year at my school, and I remember being on the field and putting a vest over me. My eyes were covered by it as I was putting it on, and as soon as I was able to see, another episode hit. It felt very strange and not real. After that, the episodes started to be constant and more long to the point where I started panicking from them.