please someone reply to this i am desperate. i know i shouldn't seek reassurance but i haven't been doing compulsions in weeks i just can't handle it anymore. it's about real events OCD and racism OCD. so i have this real event where some months ago, like a month before my bday in august so i was 13 (now I'm 14) i had this very manipulative and toxic friend who kinda brainwashed me and manipulated me. and one day we were calling and he said the n word and told me to say it too. i did not want to say it but then he started insisting and i didn't know what to do so i hung up. then he started texting me and saying he would've blocked me if i didn't say it and i was panicking so bad, i even remember crying, i was so scared because i didn't want him to block me (i used to care about him) he was forcing me so i just.... i said it. and i felt awful. but then i forgot about it for some months and now i have this memory and it's so bad i feel so disgusting i feel like im the worst person ever. especially because i could've known better, he was harming me and changing me and i was very anti-racism in general... i hate myself so much I'm so ashamed to even post this I'm so sorry i feel so horrible and guilty.. ((repost cuz i made a mistake,

anonnnn

94d ago

i don’t want to reassure you, but since you feel so bad it proves you don’t want to do it again. you shouldn’t have been forced to do that, it’s not your fault

GTRPeace

94d ago

You did absolutely nothing wrong! Your friend is not a friend, quite the opposite. Rid him from your life if you have not done so already. You are so courageous for opening up here to complete strangers. You connected with people who struggle with you. Now, love yourself enough and have enough compassion for yourself to get rid of anyone who treats this way. I think you know what you do. You've already taken an incredible step forward. Next, please talk to a therapist, your loved ones, and true friends. Be vulnerable as hard as it may seem. Please read this book by Brene Brown "The Gifts of Imperfection".