Im so fucking trigerred. I saw the title of a video called Do you galsight yourself and im aftaid that im gaslighting myself and that what my obsession says is true. I also saw a comment on another video that said that a suici*al person was admitted in a psych ward. Im completely freaked out and its been days since my s*icide obsession will not stop

I shouldn’t have done this (trigger trigger trigger!!) So about a month ago..maybe I watched this video (as a compulsion to prove to myself) The video was called “interview with a p3d0” And basically it was what it says, I watched or more like listened to half of it…after I was disgusted by the person, but now all I can think of is every little thing I do, I feel as if tho I’m monitoring every thought/moment and feeling I have it’s torturous and I hate it..I feel disgusting, the person in the video has empathy and sympathy and had those feelings yk, I can’t explain it you’d have to watch the video yourself but please don’t it will ruin your journey…I feel more hopeless then before, my OCD is telling me so many things trying to convince me things that Ik aren’t true, I’m just really scared I don’t want to be that person I want to be a good cousin and person to my family, I’m sick of my head and myself, I’m so tired that sometimes I can’t even think straight, my head is always in pain and idek how to help myself..compulsions have been becoming more and more exhausting… I need advice or even someone to relate to, I understand I shouldn’t have done what I did but idk how to forget it.. I had made this post already but when someone replied I couldn’t see it for some reason so I’m uploading it again

Idk anymore it feels like being on here is a trigger. Every time I see a minor post on the app, my intrusive thoughts go haywire and then my brain says maybe you should comment something inappropriate and i literally don't wanna fucking do that. It's the last thing I want to do. And now im scared that I commented something crude on someone's post. obviously, when I went to check there was nothing now my brain is saying "you commented and then deleted". I want to think it's something I wouldn't do, but why are the images in my head so real. Children should be safe. I feel like I need to be locked away. Someone please help me.

Hi guys i hope someone will help me with this one. I have fears around suicide/mental health/ depression. From the moment i wake up to a moment iam going to sleep i have these crazy thoughts in my head: what if i will be so sad that i will commit? what if my life has no meaning so i will commit? Also i have this mixed with existential/depressed thoughts like: life has no meaning, why iam doing this it has no meaning. So i cant enjoy litterally anything anymore. I have great day and my mind always trying ti convice me that iam suicidal and nothing is going to be the same. My mind has own patterns and i feel like i cant break it down and i know iam not like this. Also words like: mental health, suicide, mentall illness, sadness trigger me so much. Can someone help me? also i have googling compulsion, i spend 24/7 on this app, watching youtube content.