- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
I totally understand you I have contamination ocd and keep my clothes in zippered bags even my dirty clothes I wash my hands prior to touching my clothes out the washer and dryer I wash my hands prior to dressing ritual and shower rituals my new apartment I just moved into had brand new carpet never been touched which made my ocd so relieved then a few days into liveing here pest control came and sprayed majority of our carpet wit bug spray I have been frozen ever since nothings moved in my house i shampooed the carpets and cleaned the walls incase overspray got on the walls I took a wipe and cleaned under the doors were they touch the top of the carpet I can’t use anything cause everything at some point comes into contact wit the carpet it’s caused me to be so depressed crying not wanting to be here anymore noone understands me not even doctors I’ve been doing this for 15 years and just found out that there’s more help and that ocd requires more help cause it’s it’s own illness that can’t be treated in group like other mental illness just takeing meds and doing therapy you need exposure and response prevention and someone who understands ocd to medicate you not 1 doctor ever told me that I needed more help than they could give don’t trust your doctor see an ocd specialist and an ocd therapist there’s ocd inpatient facility’s to you no you best doctors aren’t trained to understand everything bout ocd just the basics of it.
- Date posted
- 3y
Sorry to hear that things are so difficult. It's so hard to try and explain the way it twists your thoughts isn't it. Rationally I know that it won't hurt me if it isn't 100% clean... but it cant stop it. Have you had ERP? I've been working with my therapist since November and so far I'm worse... she leaves in March and then I'm alone again. Its ruining my relationship with my family. Its hard to explain when you can't even understand it yourself isn't it
- Date posted
- 3y
I actually just found out bout exposure and response prevention be been suffering wit ocd since I was young I’ve been admitted into mental hospitals I’ve seen doctors and therapists I’ve took medications But Noone was treating my ocd I trusted the doctors that takeing meds should make me better that doing this and that would make me better and I have at points been better but I still had significant ocd and was liveing my life wit ocd as if it was normal when if I would’ve been able to had my ocd treated I could’ve gotten help stopping rituals and stop haveing all these rules like not being able to wear certain colors and use and wear certain brands of clothes and products and so many more things it’s not a free normal life but I thought this was all I was ever gonna be and I pretended to be normal I could only wear my hair up in 1 style bun if I wore it down I had to straighten it everything I do is in an order and symmetry kind of way so it’s frustrating to do anything even if it doesn’t take up alot of time I want to be more free and normal in my everyday things I want to put on deodorant and not worry if I counted a certain way and went up and down the rite way and if I went left armpit then rite armpit lifting my shirt a certain way to anyone watching me apply deodorant they wouldn’t notice I was focusing and counting and visualizeing like a grid in my mind to more easily keep up wit the counting they wouldn’t see that me lifting my shirt was wierd they wouldn’t notice I went left to rite so ppl didn’t notice these things and I just accepted my life as it was till a couple months ago when I downloaded this app and started reading bout all this ocd stuff and realized my story was the same as others pretending to be normal and listening to doctors and doing regular tlk therapy and just everything then they would find out bout exposure and response prevention and I started looking up bout ocd and trying to find an ocd facility to go to and I learned so much there’s ocd doctors out there there’s ocd therapists out there there’s inpatient and outpatient ocd hospitals that ocd can’t be treated in group wit other mental illnesses like depression and anxiety ocd is it’s own illnesses and needs it own help I have alot of relief noing I can get better but I’m on ssi for my ocd my kids live wit my mom cause I left my husband years ago and was always a stay at home mom and I new I couldn’t work and do everything but couldn’t tell ppl that my ocd was the issue cause I appeared so normal and I was scared cause when I was younger I got punished alot by school and mental hospitals cause noone understood my ocd so I just always tried to hide it but I new I couldn’t take care of them by myself I just had such a horrible life cause I listened to these doctors I gave up a few years ago when my ocd got crazy again but now I’m trying to find help it’s not going so well but I’ve started medication I was hopeing to see a ocd doctor to prescribe the medication but there’s nothing in my area and noone that accepts my insurance I make 500 dollars a month and can’t afford to pay someone cash but I needed to start medication to atleast feel less depressed and miserable till I can find inpatient.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 21w
(long read ahead, sorry lol) I’ve struggled with ocd for as far back as I can remember. I find that it gets worse with stress, and recently I’ve really been struggling with the contamination aspect of my ocd. I’m worried about it becoming unmanageable and negatively affecting my relationship with my partner. I’ve been living with my boyfriend since January (got kicked out of my house a week after I turned 18, it’s for the better though my house is toxic as hell) and I love living with him, but him and his family aren’t as concerned with cleaning as I am used to. My boyfriend and I have been together going on 2 years and there’s been many times throughout our relationship that his struggle with depression severely impacted his ability to keep up with cleaning his room. This is something I completely understand because I’ve struggled with it too so i’ve often helped him clean, and since i’ve moved in he’s done so much better at keeping up with cleaning (especially because he knows about my issues with clutter, mess, germs, etc.) He is really good at being accommodating towards my needs (not overly so, i’m aware that recovering includes accepting being uncomfortable), but it’s so hard for me to differentiate between what is the normal standard for cleanliness and hygiene and what’s excessive and unhealthy. I get so stressed out every single day over the thought of how dirty everything is. He has 3 cats that mainly stay in his room (he has a catio attached to his window/side of the house) and dogs which stay on the opposite side of the house and backyard, so there is fur everywhere constantly (i’m also allergic to cats but it’s not severe). I can’t stop thinking about how they are getting germs from their litter box all over everything. They also used to piss under his bed and in his closet when his room used to be a mess and it’s soaked into the floor so no matter what it stinks. It’s so hard to bring myself to walk around the house without slippers because my feet will get visibly dirty and my socks would get covered in hair. I always think about how my boyfriend sometimes walks on the rugs in the bathroom in shoes and all the germs that spreads. There’s so many more things but this is already getting long and I am shaking just thinking about how unclean everything is. I want to deep clean the entire house myself so I can get it to where It’s not like psychological torture everyday and it’s easier to maintain but I have been so busy I don’t have the time. I am worried about my boyfriend thinking I don’t like living with him or that I think that’s he’s dirty but i don’t. We have had several conversations about this and he’s reassured me that he knows none of my obsessive thoughts are personal but I still feel so bad about it. I would like to get therapy to help work through this but currently that is not an option for me. I know things will get better once I get through the main things in my life that are causing a lot of stress and therefore making my ocd flair up, but I need advice on what to do in the mean time. I keep having moments where all I can do is shake and cry and clean and I feel bad for my poor boyfriend who can only sit next to me and try to comfort me or help me clean. I also don’t want to make him worried that nothing he does is enough for me (i’ve also already talked to him about this and told him about how I can never even be clean enough for myself and that I don’t think he’s dirty). There’s been many times where I want to tell him to do things that I think might be my own unhealthy compulsions (ex. not wearing shoes in the house or in our room, not getting into bed with socks on, making sure to completely dry off before getting out the shower, put makeup and jewelry back where they belong right after using them, etc.) but i can’t tell if they’re reasonable or not and i try to not tell him unless it’s something that severely distresses me. I’m aware that everything is going to have germs no matter what and have been using NER’s to help manage my thought spirals/rumination. I know that I shouldn’t keep doing compulsions because it just offers temporary relief and makes the problem worse because nothing will ever be enough. I just feeling so overwhelmed and hopeless and exhausted and want some feedback.
- Date posted
- 18w
I dont know what to do anymore. I think Ive had the 'pure O' version of OCD for more than ten years. I feel like so much of my life has been wasted from this disease. For the longest time I just tried to ignore the intrusive thoughts, and push them off as anxiety, and basically dissociated for years of my life. Feels like Ive just been on autopilot and a shell of myself for nearly 15 years. Its actually hard to even imagine of all the experiences, emotions, connections with others, and personal growth that Ive missed out on- if I do, I think it would be too much to handle. I think Ive even forgot and dont even know at this point what it is to live a normal life and experience positive emotions. Now that I sought treatment for it specifically, it feels like it's gotten worse. Like by acknowledging that part of myself, suddenly added focus just makes it more real and in the forefront now. I wonder if I am actually going insane. Will not go into details for reassurance but the thoughts just rip my soul out. Its so difficult as well because I will get random 'clarity moments' throughout the day where I feel like Ive solved something, then get completely derailed by another OCD thought stream and forget everything. It feels like Im just on a merry-go-round of hell, not going anywhere thinking I am at times.
- Date posted
- 18w
sorry this is super long i just wanna know if anyone else has been thru something similar bc i feel super alone 🩷 i have super bad contamination ocd. it was bad already but my house was like my safe space until a few months ago someone brought something into my house that i considered ‘contaminated’. and so then i felt like that part of the house was contaminated, then it spread to everything outside my room (since family is moving around touching stuff) and then somehow i got convinced everything in my room except my bed is contaminated and i need to wash my hands after touching it. in my mind its like the contamination just infinitely spreads to things after the tiniest bit of touch. idek what im afraid of anymore or even what the original thing was but i can’t let it go. when i have to wash off contamination i have to wash at least 4 times or until it feels right, or sometimes take rlly long showers and wipe down all my stuff. i even throw away food and clothes or just whole items sometimes because they feel so contaminated i don’t want them in my space. i can’t be super near people or have anyone touch me, and i also can’t bring anything new into my room since it had to go through the entry of my house which feels contaminated. i feel like all i do is lay in bed and then wash my hands and do compulsions so i can go eat or do other stuff around the house. also i never go out because i’m bc people outside make me feel dirty, and i hate thinking about how many people have touched stuff in stores or in public and stuff. so im just in my room worrying all day. i feel so trapped and the contamination/avoiding it is all i think about anymore i barely have time for anything else and im never present when i talk to people because im worrying about if i accidentally got contaminated. im starting erp next week and knowing that im going to have to expose myself to things is really freaking me out. does anyone else have this kind of ocd ? im exhaustedddd 🥲🥲💔
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