I feel like my OCD is killing me. I feel paralysed by it at the moment and like nothing will ever get better. What can I do to get out of this trap. Its mainly contamination OCD that is causing the problems. I feel like I'm in a bubble that no one can enter. Isolated and just existing. Feel like there is only one way out of this....

I totally understand you I have contamination ocd and keep my clothes in zippered bags even my dirty clothes I wash my hands prior to touching my clothes out the washer and dryer I wash my hands prior to dressing ritual and shower rituals my new apartment I just moved into had brand new carpet never been touched which made my ocd so relieved then a few days into liveing here pest control came and sprayed majority of our carpet wit bug spray I have been frozen ever since nothings moved in my house i shampooed the carpets and cleaned the walls incase overspray got on the walls I took a wipe and cleaned under the doors were they touch the top of the carpet I can’t use anything cause everything at some point comes into contact wit the carpet it’s caused me to be so depressed crying not wanting to be here anymore noone understands me not even doctors I’ve been doing this for 15 years and just found out that there’s more help and that ocd requires more help cause it’s it’s own illness that can’t be treated in group like other mental illness just takeing meds and doing therapy you need exposure and response prevention and someone who understands ocd to medicate you not 1 doctor ever told me that I needed more help than they could give don’t trust your doctor see an ocd specialist and an ocd therapist there’s ocd inpatient facility’s to you no you best doctors aren’t trained to understand everything bout ocd just the basics of it.

I actually just found out bout exposure and response prevention be been suffering wit ocd since I was young I’ve been admitted into mental hospitals I’ve seen doctors and therapists I’ve took medications But Noone was treating my ocd I trusted the doctors that takeing meds should make me better that doing this and that would make me better and I have at points been better but I still had significant ocd and was liveing my life wit ocd as if it was normal when if I would’ve been able to had my ocd treated I could’ve gotten help stopping rituals and stop haveing all these rules like not being able to wear certain colors and use and wear certain brands of clothes and products and so many more things it’s not a free normal life but I thought this was all I was ever gonna be and I pretended to be normal I could only wear my hair up in 1 style bun if I wore it down I had to straighten it everything I do is in an order and symmetry kind of way so it’s frustrating to do anything even if it doesn’t take up alot of time I want to be more free and normal in my everyday things I want to put on deodorant and not worry if I counted a certain way and went up and down the rite way and if I went left armpit then rite armpit lifting my shirt a certain way to anyone watching me apply deodorant they wouldn’t notice I was focusing and counting and visualizeing like a grid in my mind to more easily keep up wit the counting they wouldn’t see that me lifting my shirt was wierd they wouldn’t notice I went left to rite so ppl didn’t notice these things and I just accepted my life as it was till a couple months ago when I downloaded this app and started reading bout all this ocd stuff and realized my story was the same as others pretending to be normal and listening to doctors and doing regular tlk therapy and just everything then they would find out bout exposure and response prevention and I started looking up bout ocd and trying to find an ocd facility to go to and I learned so much there’s ocd doctors out there there’s ocd therapists out there there’s inpatient and outpatient ocd hospitals that ocd can’t be treated in group wit other mental illnesses like depression and anxiety ocd is it’s own illnesses and needs it own help I have alot of relief noing I can get better but I’m on ssi for my ocd my kids live wit my mom cause I left my husband years ago and was always a stay at home mom and I new I couldn’t work and do everything but couldn’t tell ppl that my ocd was the issue cause I appeared so normal and I was scared cause when I was younger I got punished alot by school and mental hospitals cause noone understood my ocd so I just always tried to hide it but I new I couldn’t take care of them by myself I just had such a horrible life cause I listened to these doctors I gave up a few years ago when my ocd got crazy again but now I’m trying to find help it’s not going so well but I’ve started medication I was hopeing to see a ocd doctor to prescribe the medication but there’s nothing in my area and noone that accepts my insurance I make 500 dollars a month and can’t afford to pay someone cash but I needed to start medication to atleast feel less depressed and miserable till I can find inpatient.