this isnt ocd related but i just wanna come on here to vent. i live at home with a very traditional, catholic, hispanic family and a while back my boyfriend and i were talking about spending the night at a local resort for valentines day, which knowing my family they would strongly disapprove of making a decision like this. However, I’m turning 22 in a few months and for about 3 years now i’ve been paying my own bills aside from rent. I work a full-time job, go to school and therapy and other than when me and my boyfriend go on dates i typically just stay at home. So after deciding with my therapist that the best course of action is to sit down with my parents and talk about it with them. I dreaded the idea because my parents and i often have non-constructive confrontational arguments when it comes to certain values that conflict with each other. In this case, mine is about being able to exercise my independence as an adult and their value is about not spending the night with someone you’re not married to. and when i finally had that conversation about my plans and what that means to both of us a few days before my trip, things actually went really well. we both were able to get our point across and they weren’t automatically denying me permission, refusing to hear me out, raising their voices, etc. and it concluded with things ending calmly with both of us on the same page about the fact that they dont have control over the decisions i make on my own as an individual adult and that they’ve done their part as parents in raising me to always have what i need and making sure i am a good person with moral values. Or at least that how i interpreted the conversation. Fast forward to the night before I’m supposed to go on my trip, I come home from work to let them know that i plan on opening at my job the next morning and intended on coming home to clean my room and pack my things before heading out to my trip. They had completely forgotten about it and then told me that i didn’t have permission to stay the night. this ensued a giant argument where they refused to let me go and i told them they didn’t have authority over me like that anymore. the conversation shifted everywhere from how “its their house their rules” and “i’m my own person”, to me expressing how conflicting its been to grow up in one culture within my household while navigating a completely different one being a first generation american, and how they feel forced to change themselves for me so that i could do whatever i want and that they should be happy for me even if they don’t agree with it, to how they feel disrespected that im not willing to follow their rules and ignore their authority. it came down to me not wanting to compromise staying the night instead of spending the day and coming home. i was furious and disappointed. but that day i decided to stick to my original plan, still trying to keep my parents updated while i was gone. and i admit it was equal parts stubbornness and feeling like i needed to set a boundary in regards to being controlled and no longer being a kid. after having gone and having a wonderful time, im home now with everyone at home giving me the cold shoulder. sure enough both of my siblings who no longer live at home found out, and have hinted at it over text. both my parents are ignoring me. which is fine, i knew and accept that this isn’t going to sit right with them, and im not sure for how long either. but regardless im sad because i know that i hurt them, and i thought that if i could sit down and talk to them like a grown up would that we could somehow come to a mutual understanding. the last thing i want is to regret a very special moment i spent with my loved one that he very generously and earnestly planned and funded for us to enjoy. and i wanted to make it clear that it was never my intention to hurt them just because i wanted to be able to do something like this for myself. it sucks that i cant have something like staying overnight at a resort with a loved one as an adult without also hurting my parents who i love. they have every right to feel the way they do and react how they want but it still hurts very much. regardless of how this situation went someone was going to end up feeling shitty, i already planned to react the same way they are. now that i think about it i still wouldve had just as much fun if i didnt stay the night, and theres no one to blame but myself. i think this post was a huge attempt to convince myself and whatever audience this may have that i did nothing wrong. now all i can think about is beating myself up 😞 not seeking for reassurance, just expressing that i feel all kinds of things, like guilt but also gratefulness and disappointment. and how i feel alone, because i dont want tell my boyfriend and make him worry or feel bad, or my siblings because they also think im selfish and impulsive. besides, i dont see my therapist for another week. i know the best thing would be to offer myself some self compassion right now, im just having a hard time mustering the courage to do so when i feel like i dont deserve it right now.