can someone pls give me some outside perspective on my real event OCD:( i did something really stupid about a year ago and it’s been haunting me ever since, i feel so bad and i’d do anything to take it back and it was so out of character for me it’s the worst thing i’ve ever done, so i had been using the app discord for a while just to talk to guys cause i was very lonely and i have very low self esteem so i was hooked on the male validation i was getting on there and one day i was talking to this guy who had told me he was 18 (same age as me) and so we talked on voice call for about an hour later on while texting him i caught him lying about his age and he was actually 15 but he was sort of gaslighting me and saying that he was 18 and instead of blocking him i sort of convinced myself he was 18 and that he wasn’t lying but deep down i knew he was and i texted him for one more hour before i came to my senses and blocked him, the conversation we had was not sexual or anything it was a normal conversation but he was giving me compliments and such and i guess i was enjoying the attention but after an hour i came to my senses and blocked him. I feel so disgusting i’m not into underage guys at all i’m the opposite i like guys older than me so don’t understand why i did something so stupid, i feel like i can’t forgive myself and i’ve been having problems eating and sleeping cause i feel like i don’t deserve too and i feel just as bad as a pedophile i don’t know what to do i want to feel okay and happy but i feel like if people knew about this they’d also think i deserve to suffer and even die. I want to forgive myself i’ve been punishing myself and beating myself up over this for months now and everytime i try to forgive myself i just have thoughts like no you deserve to suffer for what you did and everyone would agree. Can someone please be honest and tell me how bad my mistake was? do i deserve to die for it? can i ever move on and be a good person after doing something like this? I genuinly can’t tell if my OCD has blown this out of proportion or if i really deserve only bad things to happen to me after this.

Logan Maltz

Date posted: 3y

Hi LadyBird. In reading your story I don’t think you did anything wrong. All you did was have a conversation with someone who was a few years younger than you and if the conversation wasn’t sexual at all you are most definitely NOT a pedophile! It can feel strange to have someone shower you with compliments but him doing so was not your fault. If anything maybe don’t use apps like Discord to talk to people where you can’t verify their age? Maybe try joining some Facebook groups or support groups, most people are genuine! I know my opinion won’t make you feel better at all, but talk to your therapist and work out these thoughts you are having. You do NOT deserve to die and you most certainly do NOT deserve to have only bad things happen to you!

LadyBird

Date posted: 3y

thank you for your advice Logan i stopped using those apps immediately after this situation so that’s definitely not a problem and i don’t feel the need to seek validation online anymore, i definitely need to schedule an appointment with my therapist soon and talk it out, thank you so much for your reply it means a lot!

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