I leave my house once a month. Does anyone else feel like you’re going to be harmed or killed because of the thoughts you have? Or if I touch something that has touched a surface I see as contaminated and then touch myself I have to wash it away, I have no clothes now they’re all contaminated and I don’t leave my house at all I’ve been begging for help for so long and not had any id happily be admitted into hospital because I have given up on life now as I think I’m going to die anyways

I deal wit the same thing wit contamination ocd I recently had pest control coke to my new apartment and sprayed bug spray on majority of my carpet everything is contaminated now and it can be spread so if something touched the carpet it’s contaminated this has happened a few years ago to I didn’t even no years ago I would’ve been triggered by bug spray and I bombed my apartment at the time and I vacuumed and swiffered my carpets everyday to clean them and cleaned the side of my bed wit wipes so I didn’t bump against it and contaminate my body and clothes I would then take apart my vacuum and clean it inside and out I could only wear my clothes once cause they’d be exposed to my contaminated apartment and I’d have to wash my clothes so much and washing clothes was hard cause I have to wash my hands prior to touching my clothes to keep them clean I don’t use closets and dressers I keep all my clean and dirty clothes in seperate zipper clothes bags to keep them sealed away from any contaminates I was washing my hands till they literally bled and had these cracks in them so it would burn to clean but I had to clean everyday it was like putting lemons in my cuts it maid it hard to shower cause running my fingers threw my hair would just go rite into my cuts it was so painful I couldn’t put neosporin on my hands either cause that’s a contaminate to me and prior to cleaning and washing clothes showering dressing I’d have to wash all the neosporin off really well so I could do my rituals and tasks and not have neosporin being spread to the clean surfaces I was cleaning spread into the shower if I’d shower and be on my shampoo bottles I just have so many rituals there so complex now I’ve been doing some for 15 years there just repetitive and exhausting turning circles and washing hands and putting on deodorant in an order and symmetry kind of way cleaning my ears and face order and symmetry washing my hair and my body and shaveing and then the rules I can’t wear grey I can’t use and wear certain brands products and clothes I can’t use wierd looking hair brushes eat and certain resteraunts eat certain foods and drink certain drinks eat certain snacks like I could go on and on it’s insane then trying to get help they can’t possible understand wat ocd realy is even though I tell them I’m on ssi for it I can’t work cause I’m barely liveing that ocd is real and it’s sever it’s lonely to even doctors and therapists don’t understand you it’s extremely frustrating I can’t even go to a mental hospital cause they can’t help I need ocd inpatient and there’s none in Tennessee I’d have to go out of state but my insurance won’t cover out of state it’s insane.

I would suggest trying to get hospitalized or in an outpatient program specializing in ocd.

I heard a thing that if everyone got 8 spoons a day and watever they did that day like dressing showering laundry work some of those things require energy and focus normal ppl don’t use there spoons on dressing and showering but maybe need 1 spoon for laundry and use 2 spoons at work they have 5 spoons left for the day but ppl wit ocd need spoons for simple things so dressing mite require you to use 2 spoons then showering takes 2 spoons work takes 4 spoons that’s all your spoons you have none left and all you did was dress shower and work so you have no more spoons to do laundry to cook to grocery shop to do anything but sit and even sitting doing ocd stuff you have no more spoons and each day you start wit less and less spoons till you only have enough spoons to dress and shower and eat all your spoons are going towards your ocd it’s just a thing to show ppl that ppl wit ocd have a harder time doing things and it requires more energy more focus and normal ppl don’t think dressing and showering and grocery shopping leaveing the house are hard it’s nothing to them but maybe work and laundry and stuff like that they would think they’d use energy towards but for the most part they don’t have a hard time doing there hair putting on clothes washing there hair and body shaveing they don’t do any crazy rituals they don’t count they don’t think things are contaminated they have no fear and worry but I have no spoons left I get up dress and eat but that’s bout all I have energy for.

I can’t get help threw this app cause they don’t accept my insurance but my mom mite be able to help me and my insurance mite reimburse me the money to I just don’t have the money to give to even be reimbursed there’s mental health places round me and therapists and some mental hospital’s but they don’t treat ocd they only medicate and I’ve been doing stuff like that for 15 years wondering wat I wasn’t getting better for and I had moments of being better but still had rituals still had social anxiety and agoraphobia and anxiety and anxiety attacks panick attacks I had never had a doctor tell me bout exposure and response therpay I had no idea ocd was it’s own thing that there was ocd specialists out there that ocd can’t be treated like other mental health issues that everything I had been doing to try and get better wasn’t working cause it’s not treated like other things I’m so upset that noone ever told me I’ve changed medications every year for 4 years I brought my mom in to help tlk to the doctor I tried getting a therapist 2 seperate times I was wiery of going into the mental hospital I had gone to as a child cause I didn’t no wat they could do to help cause they didn’t do anything when I was a kid either but I finally admitted myself and I was discharged in 3 days and told they didn’t have to resources to help me and a referral to an inpatient ocd place in Chicago I got denied cause they didn’t accept my insurance this all happened years ago I still ain’t got any help I’ve just been suffering I literally thought I was just gonna have to be like this till I read bout exposure and response therpay and that there is help for ppl wit ocd so hopefully I can find some help I’m going to a mental health place for medication but even that makes me nervous being medicated by doctors who don’t understand ocd there just giveing me meds as if I’ve not been on every med in the world it seems like I’m just tired I want to get better and I hope things change for ppl like us this is no way to live.