Anyone with race ocd that I can rant too ?????

Basically I have hocd , and race ocd. And I thought of dating girls , cause of my hocd and then my race ocd kicked in and said “ black girls “ and now im ruminating over I’m racist for my race ocd and hocd combining - and it just sounds kinda racist when I say it which triggers me more.

@Aシ Uggggh I feel this I’m white and during the George Floyd protests I realized that I’m racially illiterate meaning I don’t know how to talk about race issues and I was very unaware of the extent of racial issues in this country. I threw myself into research and tried to really respect the voices of the black community in my city. At first this meant showing up and really going all in on the protests, but as time went on, a lot of community members were asking for some space from the white folks attending. They started to feel like the black space was being overrun by the overnight activists in the white community and I get that. Ever since then though, whenever I encounter people of color I start to have intrusive thoughts about the fact that they’re a person of color and I need to try to do my best not to hurt them. Sadly, the thoughts are so intense often times that I find it hard to focus on what they’re saying. The fact that I’m noticing that they’re a poc makes me start to feel like I’m racist. And my thoughts are just zooming around in my head uncontrollably at this point. I become really self conscious about my whiteness and don’t want to make people uncomfortable or annoyed around me. I feel guilty for how my presence might affect others. To try to appease the guilt, I have kept doing research about race. I feel like I should understand the problems the people in my community are facing. I want so desperately to discuss what I’ve learned with people, but the anxiety of discussing race and getting something wrong is absolutely horrifying to me. I’m terrified of accidentally doing or saying something racist and hurting the people I’m talking to. But at the same time I don’t want to bring it up because I feel badly that poc have to think about this all the time and I don’t wanna be some white person making them feel weird or uncomfortable. I just don’t wanna be an asshole but my anxiety about being racist makes it hard for me to interact with poc. What sucks is before all this, I didn’t really think about race and it was honestly nice. I know that’s a priveledge I had/have because I’m white but what I really miss about it is that my relationships with poc were so genuine and now I really struggle because of these intrusive thoughts. I just wish there was a way to fix this so I could just feel normal again and not feel like such an awful person

@Anonymous Yea! I use to go through this at this time ,one of my closest friends where black and made me feel uncomfortable around them as my thoughts got worse. The reason it’s went away is because something else came to my mind