so i took a hiv test today and the result was negative, i should be relaxed now but i am still a little worried that something went wrong

because I was very anxious after reading something about it on the internet

@mar3 Ok, would you say it’s likely you took the test out of a compulsion?

@titaniumonetwo yeah :/

@mar3 And now you’re thinking something was wrong with the test? It didn’t work or similar so you want to do another?

@titaniumonetwo it actually worked, I'm just afraid, I don't know how to explain

@mar3 The joy of OCD is the compulsion is never enough. You could do 1000 tests and all your OCD would need to do is something like. “But since then….”

@titaniumonetwo it makes sense... so, what should I do?

@mar3 I know this is hard but the only thing you can do. Don’t do the compulsion. Over time the anxiety will lower. I know that sounds impossible and I have problems with it too but if you think about it, what choice do you have?

@mar3 I used to have HIV OCD years ago and mine faded out, and literally about 30 minutes ago I had an intrusive thought about HIV for the first time in years, what a coincidence that I’m seeing this comment now haha. I was just reading a book and there was a brown/red stain on it. I immediately thought “what if that’s blood and I’ve touched it and then touched my mouth and now what if I get HIV”. For me the way I calmed that thought was going through and breaking down how rationally unlikely it is for that to happen - first the mark would have to actually be blood which is already unlikely because there’s a hundred other things it could’ve been. THEN the “blood” would’ve had to come from a HIV positive person, also less likely as it’s not a super common illness anymore. Say the two managed to be true, the “HIV blood” THEN would’ve had to managed to survive outside of the body, for the years that the book has been unopened. Once I broke it down this way I realised that the possibility was so low that I felt better. I did wash my hands which was a compulsion but it was very quick and then I forgot about it straight away unlike how I used to scrub at them. Maybe you could see if thinking about it that way helps you at all. How likely would it be that you A) have contracted HIV and B) the HIV then hasn’t been detectable on a test? That might not help but it’s good to know that other people have been there. I understand how difficult and terrifying it is x

@titaniumonetwo i will really try to work on that! thank you so much

@Anon.user i never thought that way, it's a really interesting thought. thanks for sharing your experience, it helped a lot, i can imagine how hard it must have been for you and i hope my post is not a trigger 😓

@mar3 Not at all don’t worry! I have many themes but the HIV one managed to die down, I just had that random one earlier so this didn’t trigger anything at all don’t worry! I hope you’re feeling okay

@Anon.user all right then! i'm feeling a little better today, i hope you are well too