I have had ocd for along time I had no childhood no normal high school experiences no work experiences I’ve just been trying to get better all these years and appear normal to try to have some kind of similar normal kid experiences that everyone else was haveing instead of spending hours on simple homework riteing and reriteing till I eventually had to get a tutor to help me but I was still spending hours on the homework simple homework but my ocd made me feel like I was not riteing the letters rite and going over the same letters another thing is I was spending 2 hours in the shower doing order and symmetry stuff and getting that just rite feeling so I was busy wit ocd others were being a kid and it sucks im now 29 and still haveing issues I’m on ssi and make 500 something dollars a month there’s no security in that I can’t live on my own and can’t even begin to explain the life I’ve had cause of my ocd and a couple months ago I learned bout exposure and response prevention I read ppl posts and other ppl story’s that were exactly like mine doctors and therapists don’t understand ocd and that’s who was treating all of us and I just think that should be illegal for doctors to not understand and continue to prescribe medications when do they tell the patient there’s specific ocd help out there and refer them somewere else cause I’ve never had anyone tell me that I could’ve gotten help years ago the help that I actually needed I could’ve had a different life not filled with ocd but these hospitals and doctors and therapists chose to keep me and treat me when they shouldn’t have and now I’m trying to get help and can’t cause nowere in Tennessee accepts my insurance and there’s not even any inpatient ocd places here and it’s so common for ocd sufferers to not get help cause there’s just not alot of help out there it’s crazy I can’t get help even though I’m begging for it all cause of my insurance and it’s 40000 dollars a month at an inpatient place who the fuck can afford that this is all rediculous.

I remembered something I did a couple of months ago that has changed me completely from trusting myself it was a conversation I had with my cousin and something they said unrelated made me remember this happening, I went into a full blown identity crisis i couldn’t walk out of my room or get out of my bed for months paranoid and scared of everything I’m still scared and feel like I don’t even deserve to shower I’m working on it slowly each day but I knew I had to get a therapist and I was diagnosed with ocd because of this event I remembered, and I just don’t know what to do…. I read online that it doesn’t matter how little or bad the event is it’s still ocd regardless when diagnosed but I know I have a compulsion to see others real events and it is nothing compared to mine which I shouldn’t compare but it’s difficult because no matter what I have to come to terms that it’s undeniably bad legally and morally what I did and it’s just so confusing how it’s something I JUST learned about months ago I’m literally in my mid 20s, and I went years without even realizing how troubled my childhood was and yes my real event happened during that time but I was still a teen and old enough to know better but I didn’t understand the magnitude of what I did at the time still no excuse though, this is where I don’t know what To do because 1. I already know what I did was awful and there’s no excuse for it 2. I can’t apologize in my situation that I don’t feel comfortable sharing specifics yet3. Yes I know I changed so much obviously I’m a grown adult now I know what’s appropriate and what’s not that’s why I’m so troubled over this and I never did anything like that again, I’m literally in the happiest relationship and seeing a therapist to also help me understand all this trauma, this event involved my cousin but even they are cool with me and very close as well hasn’t said anything I don’t know if they remember or not but it’s not something I can talk about with them at least not yet (again just don’t want to go in to specifics) but this is why is so confusing and has caused me to have intrusive thoughts about everything EVERYTHING the what ifs what if they remember what if I go to jail what if they hate me what if I’m denying who I have been and I’m this horrible person this whole time without even realizing and everything is a lie my relationship my joy for things what if I’m a ped, what if I can’t love or care what if I’m a person who just harms others manipulates I even spiraled thinking I was going to physically harm someone… it’s very bizarre to me because before my OCD my biggest anxiety was just having to learn how to drive…I’m in my 20s just to mention that again😭 I have probably almost all intrusive ocd categories, These thoughts never existed in my head until I remembered my event it has completely traumatized me but do I even deserve to feel better do I deserve to get help if I did something unforgivable do I move on or don’t? Should I even be living life I just feel guilty even breathing stepping outside I know for a fact if people knew they would never trust me they would feel like I probably should go to jail but do I go on to what others feel or myself? I know I wouldn’t harm anyone regardless of what my ocd tells me I never did anything like that again and wouldn’t but if it’s something that even legally I could be punished for does all of that not matter? I’m sorry I’m just trying to figure out what the right thing to do is , I’m continuing therapy and getting the help but obviously my therapist cannot say if I should be punished legally but even my boyfriend said that if I turned myself in they wouldn’t even take me seriously because I don’t even remember everything fully it was so long ago, but from what I do remember it’s still bad enough mainly just of me being a teen, I don’t want to make that event my identity but I just am so freaked out I feel awful what if I caused trauma to another person and all these years I didn’t even know, this event only happened once that I remember, there were things that happened to me as a child that would explain why it happened but it’s still not an excuse, I did a compulsion and googled what would it be called or the charges for it and the words that popped up triggered me to my core as anyone would feel if they were as stupid as me those words I googled are what monsters are so it’s hard not to think of myself as that it’s hard to not make that my identity if that IS what happened, is living with this guilt my punishment?I don’t want to give up on life I want to love and care and just love life I know this is complicated and a lot not much I can do but I’m just so lost.

Hi everybody! I started with a therapist who’s super pricey outside of NOCD, when I had mentioned that I’m struggling with OCD she didn’t seem too well versed she said oh so you’re struggling with intrusive thoughts? Lady you don’t know the half of it!! But I’m afraid of continuing because I don’t want to waste $180 a week for what is sold as someone who can treat and help with OCD then turns out to just be talking about stuff I’ve already talked about with past therapists! Anyway onto the question at hand! If I join NOCD and they don’t cover my insurance but I pay out of pocket fora real OCD/ERP specialist because I really need the help! Is NOCD going to help me? Or am I going to waste my time and should I keep trying my hardest to find ERP specialists on Google. I’m exhausted I just want to know I’m going to get help and relief from this before I put more money into therapy Any advice or honesty would help greatly! ❤️👈🏼

Hi I kept seeing this app on repeat on TikTok over and over and I thought I give it a shot. I have never been diagnosed with OCD but I know that I have it. I’m a young adult and I found out the first time I had OCD was watching lelelons truth video? I was 14 at the time She had to resist sitting back down in a chair after her having sat down she started having a mental break down when she was told to resist. That’s when I knew. It started with myself going up and down a staircase twice buckling unbuckling my seat belt everytime I’m in the car ect I have always been super anti social but trying my best I can socialize but my mind wants to make it sexual with family and friends ughhhh I hate it because that’s not me when I graduated thoughts of hurting my loved ones corrupted my mind I broke down outside of church one time asking if this was really me or not i question if I’m a good enough friend or person in this world to begin with thinking everyone is judging me so so close how can I make this situation better did I do something wrong I struggle with depression as well not to bad but it’s there I come from a loving family but broken as well i believe in god and my OCD makes me go often he’s not real that stuff isn’t real no one is there to save you the list goes on. Anyway I struggle a lot and I really hope that this will help me because I feel extremely hopeless. Lucky for me I do have the ability to seek therapy and I am excited. The only person I ever tell my thoughts to is God no other human has heard so I’m really really hoping this helps me out if your reading this thank you it means a lot because this is my first time ever admitting all this it’s a lot to take in I know and I hope you are ok and that you have a great night and know that we got this