I’ve not been eating as much I’ve been nauseous hot a sweaty sick feeling realy anxious I just feel like I’m gonna throw up I can’t barely eat even when I do eat I feel like throwing up I have alot of anxiety attack feelings I feel like I just can’t eat like I have a stomach bug but I don’t I’d it my medication I just started is it serotonin syndrome I’m panicky feeling I’m overwhelmed and stressed I want to just relax but I’m just worrying on top of these sick feelings I want some relief.

Do you see a NOCD Therapist? I’ve seen a lot of your posts, 😞

I have tenncare they don’t accept my insurance I’ve called several times just to check and see if they accept it there payments are 170 for 60 minutes and 90 for 30 minutes but I’m on ssi and get 500 something dollars a month I need that to live I live in crossville Tennessee there’s a few mental health places here I’m currently going to Cumberland mental health but these doctors don’t understand ocd they literate give me an antidepressant and I’m just like it took me days to prepare to even come to the doctors office that day and I’ll be exhausted for days from just going to the doctor I replay millions of scenarios in my head bout everything I think of stuff I should’ve told them I’m up almost every hour peeing I stay up late cause I’m scared to go to bed I have overwhelming fears of uncertainty bout everything I’ve been mistreated and gaslit but doctors and hospitals and by ex husband and bf there narsasists do that crazy feeling I feel and being left questioning my reality always made to feel like a bad person cause I can’t get up early I can’t do alot of things cause of my ocd I can’t work just so much I look like shit all the time no makeup tired pale watever clothes hair up my hairs always gross cause my shower rituals and hair brushing drying rituals and all that are to much for me so my bf washed my hair 1 time a month I have relay bad dandruff I have to be really careful bout the activities I chose to do if I get hot my hair will get greasy I can’t go out if it’s raining I’m overly protective of my hair trying to preserve it’s cleanliness cause I barely get to wash it it’s been really hard dealing wit that seeing myself like that I can’t pluck my eyebrows now cause I have nowere clean to set my tweezers to do my ritual hand wash to start plucking my eyebrows I can’t wear makeup cause I have nowere to set them and that’s just be more stuff to do along wit my dressing ritual and so many rituals and rules go together so I could wash my hair but I can’t just let it air fry and be done I have to brush it blow dry it put 3 products in my hair put it in a bun no ponytail nothing other than the bun all that’s done a certain way if I straighten my hair to wear it down I have to wash my hair then straighten it then the next day I can restraighten it but that’s it if I wanted to wear it down the next day I’d have it wash it again so I can go 2 days wit straight hair there’s so much more to I’ve been doing this for 15 years to cause noones been helping me I’ve never heard of exposure and response therapy till a couple months ago I’ve only ever been prescribed an antidepressant I had no idea that ocd needed to be treated by ocd doctors and ocd therapists I could go on and on bout wat the mental hospital did to punish my ocd and being gaslit but doctors I’m still looking for help there’s just nothing for me I need inpatient but can’t get it so I’m trying to find over the phone help but noone accepts my insurance I feel like if I had an advocate to help me rite now till I could get better enough to get up earlier and leave my house and do more for myself have less ocd I could do more I just need help now.

I have looked and looked and looked and read everything on ocd I’d look for hours my eyes wide just super focused I did that all day everyday for months calling and emailing ppl my eyes just felt like they were seeing everything takeing everything in I’d sit for hours lose track of time reading stuff 2 months had passed I didn’t even realize it so I called Cumberland mental health were I live to atleast get on medication to get some relief all they did was prescribe me an antidepressant clomipromin for 2 weeks stopped it started me on Luvox it made me sick for almost a week I did try to go to Vanderbilt in Nashville Tennessee but they had no beds and plus I wasn’t super motivated to go cause these regular mental hospitals don’t have the help for ocd they just medicate you keep you for a few days and that’s it I actually went to parkridge valley in Chattanooga a few years ago they discharged me in 3 days the doctor told me they didn’t have the resources to help me and gave me a referral to an ocd place in Chicago he had told me he sent another patient of his there and that it helped him but my insurance only covers in Tennessee but there’s no inpatient places here I’m extremely not we’ll have depression agoraphobia I feel sick all the time not eating 1 time I got so stressed I lost 13 pounds in 1 month and missed my period I’d love to just take a xanex and be able to go to the store like just give me something for some relief rite now not an antidepressant that takes months for any relief but they don’t I’ve never seen an ocd doctor I’d really like to though but I just can’t look shit up anymore it becomes to much on me and 2 months is along time to look for help and just be denied I have all the emails and have a notebook of places when I got back from Vanderbilt hospital which was just crazy they were all rediculous there so that pissed me off I got Covid the next week my bf abusive and narsasistic so being sick and asking him to help make me food he threw his phone across the room the next time I had serious migraine from Covid he new that I had just gotten back from urgent care for some shots to help wit the migraine I asked him for something I was extremely sick for days at this point he screamed bloody murder I just cried and begged him to please just I Give me a few days to be over this sickness but he preys on the weak he is the meanest when I’m broke when I’m sick if I rely on him for help he’s extremely abusive bout it and no I can’t go to Avalon cause my ocd I can’t go to a friends and family cause my ocd I only make 500 something dollars a month if I left were would I live wit wat money all my money would go to rent I couldn’t pay for bills I already don’t have car insurance caus can’t afford it I have ticket for that I gotta pay off the insurance ticket which is expensive then get insurance show them proof I can’t afford to pay it every month so I end up witout car insurance again and the same thing happens I get pulled over and have to do it again my bf literally paid his entire stimulus to his license bullshit I could go on bout this I’m not a bad person I’m poor and don’t have nice things so I pay the price getting pulled over getting tickets being looked at as a drug addict being judged in stores being followed round cause I have a buggy full of grocery’s but they don’t no I don’t like to leave my house and I’m trying to spend all my foodstamps and go the fuck home I’m not gonna leave this earth witout ppl noing my story though that’s the reason I post so much hopefully ppl will see it and see that this is a problem I can’t even call the suicide hotline cause they have nothing for ocd.