- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
I’m in bed all day to I recently moved into an amazing apartment brand new carpet cheap and everything’s included even have free cable I can’t even describe wat I felt when I seen this place it was so perfect and I had been struggling wit my ocd but things were getting better and I was gonna work on washing my own hair and doing more stuff and it was so easy to move our stuff in cause everything was clean I even put stuff under the bathroom sink usually I think there dirty and don’t put anything we’d use under them but I just came in here and was able to just put stuff up but we were here 7 days and pest control came and sprayed majority of the carpet wit bug spray cause we seen a couple fleas and fleas don’t bother me so it wasn’t a big deal but I panicked my bf rented a carpet shampooer and I shampooed the carpets till 3 in the morning I didn’t eat he gave me a few bites of pizza as I was shampooing I was panicking I cleaned the bottom of the walls and the outlets the bottoms of doors and under the door which was hard I think that things spread so even though I shampooed them we had already been wlk on them and onto the floors so I had to wipe the floors to and he sprayed near the bottom of our bed so if any over spray got on the bed it’s on the foot end of our bed and sheets we didn’t have hardly any of our stuff here cause we had only been here 7 days and we didn’t no wat it would look like and if I would need to clean so we didn’t bring much and put old place is 30 minutes away but nothings moved since that happens I can’t put nothing on the carpet if I wlk on the carpet and then onto the floor I feel like there’s foot prints of contaminants on the floor if we set something on the floor then the counters now it’s on the counters if I plug my hair dryer into the plug it’ll be on the plug part of the hair dryer if I set the hair dryer back on the counter it’ll be on the counter like it just spreads to me and I was already struggling wit my ocd and contamination ocd I keep all my clothes in zippered clothes bags even my dirty clothes i by qtips in the plastic containers so when I bring them home from the store I can rinse them off under the sink and place them on my shelf were my hygiene products go I do the same wit my deodorant and face pads I use to clean my face those are the 3 things I use when I do my dressing rituals and they can’t touch eachother I have to wash my hands when I touch my deodorant and face pads all my stuff gets packed seperatly nothing can touch I’ve been struggling the past 6 years like this cause I bombed my old apartment not noing it would trigger my ocd and I slowly started feeling like everything was contaminated cause we bombed and now I’m still dealing wit the consequences of bombing and now since this guy sprayed bug spray everywere it’s just really hard to deal wit so I’m just panicky all the time I constantly feel like everytime I do anything the contamination shit goes threw my head like wat did this touch and its just been really hard so I stay in bed more I had plans to get better here in this clean nice apartment now the carpet is just causeing me issues so I just stay in bed and I have agoraphobia I’m scared to go outside I don’t want to go outside I don’t want to do anything I still try to do stuff cause I no I need to but I need more help and I’m trying to find someone that accepts my insurance.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 24w
Idk if im the only one but I've literally just been holed up in my bedroom for the past 3 months and have barely gone out especially in the last 2. I'm too scared to leave and interact with people normally because I feel like a criminal and like someone who doesn't deserve to be around others. But in the same breath, I'm starting to hate my bedroom. It just feels like all my negative emotions are being bottled up and stored in here. I keep telling myself I should go out and take a walk and maybe it will feel better to just be out in the fresh air. But also don't want to because I'm quite lethargic on top of not eating that much either. Just feeling... stuck.
- Date posted
- 24w
Idk whats going on…my mental state hasnt been great these past two weeks. My eating is being affected in a neg way due to transition between therapists, school, and ignoring my sexuality….Ive been taking several different kinds of quizzes over the past week regarding mental health and ED and i realized that if i dont eat enough to feel full i’ll end up sick or worse dead. It doesn’t help that i also just started my period. And i just woke up in the middle of the night with food, hydration, and possibly not waking up in mind. And tried going back to sleep but then i realized that I might actually have a problem on my hands and that jolted me awake. Now im scared of sleeping and not making it through the night….i could easily get up and make myself an oatmeal even though im not hungry atm, but dont wanna wake family that are sleeping in the living room. Im scared of dropping more weight than I already have been and having my nutritionist intervene…. Im realizing that im fucking myself up from not eating well and being too picky and i wanna slap a bandaid on it and just eat everything to hopefully gain some weight before my next nutrition appt. I’m just scared of things getting worse….is this part of OCD or is it just me just plain out ignoring my body cos in feeling like it??? Idk what to believe about myself anymore….
- Date posted
- 24w
hi everyone 👋🏻 This is less of an ROCD post but I urgently need advice because i feel like i can't think straight. My bf and I are together for almost 3 years. Ive gained over 10kg over the last six months which led to him kind of commenting on my relationship with food. I always struggled with my weight and he knows. I also know that I eat very unhealthy and a lot but I have been having difficulties with my eating disorder in the last couple of months and its just not easy to snap out of it. Yesterday I showed him pants that I would like to buy myself and he said that my bum would be a little too much in those pants. It hurt me a lot and I immediately told him why he would say something like that and he just said that he didn't try to be mean and it just came out like that and he knows that it was wrong, so he apologised. But i couldn't let go of it because we've had another discussion like this over 2 months ago and he promised me to stop commenting on my body and my eating disorder. It just makes me feel like he generally prefers skinny women. So i asked him, i asked him if he prefers skinny women and he said that he would prefer if i would lose a few pounds. My heart shattered in that moment and I don't know what to do and how to deal with it. We've talked about it last night and he understands that he's in the wrong but i don't know how to cope and what to do. Please give me some advice
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