I was prescribed kilonopins a few years ago when I admitted myself into the hospital for my ocd and depression and while I was getting admitted they gotta tlk to you and go threw your stuff they have rules like they only allow certain amounts of clothes and they don’t allow qtips but I have dressing rituals that require me to use more clothes than I need and I wear my bras and undershirts in order like the tags on my bras have numbers on them and during this dressing ritual I get my deodorant off my clean shelf wash my hands then grab a qtip off my clean shelf I don’t wash mt hands when I touch my qtips cause there just qtips once I have everything laid out then I can begin the ritual if I don’t do this dressing ritual 1 day then the next day I’d have to do it twice so the way I put on deodorant I’d have to do it twice then I’d get 2 qtips out then I’d put my hair up in a bun twice and I’ve been doing this for 15 years in different variations but pretty much always this way and my clothes stay in a bag even my dirty clothes stay in a bag I wash my hands prior to getting into the bags I put them in bags to keep them clean and when I got to the laundry Matt I wash my hands once I open the door to the washer and dryer and once there dry I by a new plastic clothes bag and carefully pull clothes out and put them into the bag if I drop something I put it in my dirty clothes so at the hospital they had to allow me to bring extra clothes I panicked when I thought they’d only allow me like a few clothes I couldn’t just bring in a couple bras and have them washed cause I wear them in order so I just literally panicked then they had to touch all of my clothes and I started panicking even more I keep them in these bags to keep them clean I wash my hands prior to getting clothes out of them if they touched just 1 thing the entire bag is contaminated and dirty now so many things were going threw my head they offered to wear gloves and I just sat there thinking that’s stupid if it was that simple don’t they think I would’ve thought of that already but I didn’t want to be rude cause they seemed to be trying to help but obviously that was stupid of them to tell me then they had to cut off any strings on my clothing wit scissors I was dead by the time I got upstairs they gave me kilonopin to help me relax and I was so greatful for that cause I was nervous bout just going to the hospital and my ocd was pretty debilitating then to I was haveing to chnahe my clothes everyday a certain way and shower a certain way I need all the things to do these rituals like just washing my hair I need my hair dryer clean and hair brush clean I have to have shampoo and conditioner if I just didn’t have conditioner I couldn’t wash my hair also I use 3 hair products which I also put in my hair a certain way if I didn’t have all 3 I wouldn’t be able to wash my hair so I could just be missing 1 thing even my hair dryer and not be able to perform my hair washing ritual even if I had shampoo and conditioner and could atleast wash my hair if I didn’t have my hair dryer I couldn’t do it so it’s really complicated and I was going to the hospital for help but admitions was so hard to get threw itself now I was upstairs wondering war I’m gonna do bout changeing my clothes wit a roommate on my room and haveing to do wat I need to for this ritual but in the bathroom floor were was I gonna set my deodorant I needed a clean area to put it even the sink was an issue cause the water came out wierd and I wash my hands a certain way so everything was even more difficult than it already was at my home but I pushed threw cause I was finally gonna get help to stop doing these things and dealing wit contamination ocd and my other ocd but 3 days in still just trying to chnahe my clothes everyday if I didn’t I’d have to chnahe them the amount of days I missed and rhats make it even more harder and take longer so I always tried to chnahe my clothes everyday but they ended up dischargeing me in 3 days they had no doctor no therapists they had no ocd person there to atleast try to help wit rituals and noone to help wit the trauma I had went threw in admissions them touching my clothes noone to ask if changeing my clothes wit a roommate would be an issue noone to ask if not haveing my qtips was causeing extreme panick I was just left those 3 days to deal wit it on my own but they had no help there everyone was just in there room anyways ppl who could just lay there all day everyday and get use to there medications ppl who didn’t have to worry bout roommates the way the water came out the faucet they didn’t have to ask to bend the rules for them they didn’t have to bring hygeine and shower products in they didn’t need there own hygeine and shower stuff and I was panicking bout all of that stuff the kolonipins helped wit the stress which was nice but noone was helping me so they discharged me the doctor told me they didn’t have the resources to help me and he gave me a referral to an inpatient ocd hospital in Chicago which when I got out and did the appintment they denied me cause they didn’t accept my insurance so that was the last time I got help that was a few years ago I gave up I had been dealing wit doctors therapists and hospitals not being able to help it was depressing just being denied all the time even though I was legit sick I gave up but now I’ve learned all of this stuff bout ocd and it requires it’s own help so I’m trying to get help again I just wish they’d give me anxiety meds for now atleast give me some relief now till I can find the proper care this isn’t rite for ppl wit ocd to suffer.