Some days ago I had the realization that my cats weren't going to stay forever with me. They reached a certain age and it won't be very long until they pass away. Today these thoughts spiralized into the fear of losing my mum. We didn't make any special memories. I don't have a lot of photos with her. I'm actually crying as I write this. The realization that my mum isn't going to stay with me forever hit me hard. That she too is going to pass away. I don't want to forget her face, her voice. Doesn't that frighten you? Forgetting the very person you love? Even a photo or a video wouldn't do justice to a person's entire existence. There isn't a perfect way to remember every single detail of someone. And if you forget one detail, that it's gone forever, because you're responsible of holding the memories alive of thar someone. Even if you had a photo that would be just it. It wouldn't be enough, or anything remotely close to having that person beside you. It wouldn't bring them back. I don't really to know how to put this in words. Maybe it has something to do with perfectionism ocd. That I want the perfect memory

Hello everyone, I hope you are all doing well! I lost my dad yesterday and me having ocd since I was 7, it just skyrocketed. Yesterday it was difficult for sure, but I didn’t have any intrusive thoughts about self harm. It all happened suddenly when I was half asleep (trying to sleep even though it was really hard), were I feel as if a switch turned on in my brain and out of nowhere I started feeling angry. I recognised at that moment that I was not angry but that’s what my brain was telling me. And that’s when I had an intrusive thought of harming my mom came to my mind and immediately after that came the thought of harming myself. And it stuck. I know grief can make these themes pop up, but what if this is all real and not ocd? I’m scared. I acknowledge I don’t have thoughts in my head of planning to harm myself, it’s just a feeling that this is going to happen. Now letting my thoughts out brings me relief, even sometimes this intrusive thoughts bring me relief (that is very scary), but ocd makes me so pessimistic, and that I’m doomed in life and the sad life my dad had will also be mine as well. There are moments where I feel hope and relief, but it doesn’t last for long. As if I’m so so sure that this is going to happen. And me having magical thinking ocd doesn’t help either. Grief is hard, sometimes I cry, other times I laugh with my friends and family, but those moments I laugh is when I get terrified ( I read people who have made up the decision to (you know) are happy and laugh. Anyways, I’ve talked to my mom about it, she’s super supportive of me restarting therapy and even though she’s struggling with grief, she’s always there to listen to me and give me all the comfort I need. But I informed her about the thoughts the moment the popped up. Just so that she knows and can save me because I don’t trust myself at all. Sorry for this huge rumble, but I’d really appreciate your advice. I’m scared and so not ready to start therapy (at one hand I don’t want to, it feels such a chore, but I know I need to get help). I’m very pessimistic at the moment and I feel no one can convince me that I’ll get better. I think my future life, and it brings me this warm nice feeling and then it is followed by the thought that this will never happen. And because I have magical thinking ocd, and my uni exams have just started, I had this feeling that this exam season will be endless and it’s never going to end. Guess what, I’m probably going to just take one exam out of three (my mind is like you see, this thought and feeling came true) and that’s where I get super pessimistic. Okay, I’ll shut up for now, please give me some advice on how you try to manage your thoughts and what to do for now. Take care ❤️

My OCD has bounced around to a lot of different topics but my current spiral has been focused on existential dread - I have a lot of intrusive thoughts about my loved ones dying and not existing and about my own death and not existing anymore. OCD is trying to get me to find certainty in what happens after we die… and unfortunately I will NEVER be able to find certainty around this. This spiral started after the death of my beloved cat and then the almost death of my dog a week later. I think OCD attached to this idea that everyone and everything I love is going to die and I need to prepare myself for it and somehow KNOW what happens when someone dies. It’s panic inducing and really hard for me to sit with vs other OCD themes Ive had related to health, moral/hyper responsibility, etc. Anyone have this type of obsession around death of loved ones and how did you combat the intrusive thoughts and deal with the mental compulsions (rumination, avoidance, etc)?

My chest is aching from the stress of it all. I haven’t felt this bad in years. Please any words of advice would be most helpful. The fact that I’m going to die one day and I have no idea what’s going to happen next, possibly nothingness, and I lose out on all my memories of everyone I ever loved, everything I ever did, is messing me up. I’m 27, and idk how I never felt this way before. I never had these fears before. I never even thought about death like this before let alone it scaring me. Now it’s just stuck in my mind 24/7. The other thing about death is I have to do it alone! :( I love my mum and brother more than anything, I have to leave them one day. I can’t believe it. And they have to leave me?