Some days ago I had the realization that my cats weren't going to stay forever with me. They reached a certain age and it won't be very long until they pass away. Today these thoughts spiralized into the fear of losing my mum. We didn't make any special memories. I don't have a lot of photos with her. I'm actually crying as I write this. The realization that my mum isn't going to stay with me forever hit me hard. That she too is going to pass away. I don't want to forget her face, her voice. Doesn't that frighten you? Forgetting the very person you love? Even a photo or a video wouldn't do justice to a person's entire existence. There isn't a perfect way to remember every single detail of someone. And if you forget one detail, that it's gone forever, because you're responsible of holding the memories alive of thar someone. Even if you had a photo that would be just it. It wouldn't be enough, or anything remotely close to having that person beside you. It wouldn't bring them back. I don't really to know how to put this in words. Maybe it has something to do with perfectionism ocd. That I want the perfect memory

I’ve been perturbed for a couple of months now with incessant thoughts about aging and dying. I really am not sure what to do. This feels like other OCD themes, but also really different, because this time, what I’m afraid of is sure to happen. I will either die, or age and then die. It’s been so difficult to enjoy anything lately. I just want to pull a blanket over my head and wait until death comes. Has anyone else felt this way? I feel quite alone. I am trying to enjoy life, but I just remember that it will all be gone in a flash. Nothing really seems to help me feel better. The only escape I have is in my dreams where I can fantasize about never aging or dying. Or at least being able to rewind the clock to have more time.

I keep thinking about life and death and all that stuff and it’s making me so upset. I keep thinking about how one day im probably going to be old and on my death bed or something and my whole life will be nothing but a memory and im so scared for that day. i wont have my parents and my younger siblings wont have any of us. time feels like its moving too fast like i feel every second pass and think about how i can never get that moment back and i cant slow down time or go back or even just pause it because its always going and theres nothing i can do about it. And then i start thinking about whats after death and get even more scared because if heaven is real then what is eternity? wont i get bored of doing the same things… forever? and if its not real then what happens is it just nothing? because thats even more scary i don’t want to be nothing because that also means the people i love will be nothing and i wont be able to be with them. And if it’s not that then is it reincarnation? will i have to do this all over again? will the souls of the people i love be with me in their new forms? is the sun “God” because the planets revolve around it and the stars are all of the passed souls? what does it feel like to be a star? will i even just know i died? i have so many questions and the fact that none have an answer and i just have to wait to find out drives me insane. i try to remind myself everyone before me and everyone after me will experience death and loss at one point in their life and that I’m not alone but it doesn’t help. nothing helps. ive had “episodes” like this before when i was around 10-14 about once a year always around May-June which is the month my great grandmother died and June is my birth month which i hate because yk… time passing and aging which i assume is why i always get worse around that time. i was able to kind of ignore or turn it off the past like 3 years but this month its just too much i cant even deal with it. maybe because I’m turning 18? idk but its been bothering me so much and its all i can think about. Even when i seem fine the thoughts are always in there somewhere and some days they’re easier to ignore and others it feels impossible. I just wish I was like those people who can just turn their thoughts off if they don’t like them. My mom says she can do that if she thinks about how her mom died or something she can tell herself she doesn’t want to think about that and just… turn it off?? and thats so shocking to me because i’ve begged a god I don’t even know if I believe in to stop my thoughts and she can just turn them off herself? I don’t have another therapy appointment until next week I wish I could talk to them everyday so it could work faster but instead i’m on here. So if anyone has any advice PLEASE give it to me. I’m so tired it’s making me not enjoy anything in life because it makes me feel like theres no point in anything but I want to feel normal and I want to enjoy things. Sorry for writing so much just had to get this out there. Also i’m not trying to seek reassurance btw I just wanna know how other people coped with this or similar issues😭

My OCD has bounced around to a lot of different topics but my current spiral has been focused on existential dread - I have a lot of intrusive thoughts about my loved ones dying and not existing and about my own death and not existing anymore. OCD is trying to get me to find certainty in what happens after we die… and unfortunately I will NEVER be able to find certainty around this. This spiral started after the death of my beloved cat and then the almost death of my dog a week later. I think OCD attached to this idea that everyone and everything I love is going to die and I need to prepare myself for it and somehow KNOW what happens when someone dies. It’s panic inducing and really hard for me to sit with vs other OCD themes Ive had related to health, moral/hyper responsibility, etc. Anyone have this type of obsession around death of loved ones and how did you combat the intrusive thoughts and deal with the mental compulsions (rumination, avoidance, etc)?