Peace be upon all of you, guys there's an assignment which has to be done in two days and the professor said we should write the assignment in our own handwriting and hand it in to him, after I finished writing the draft on my laptop, I started transferring and writing it on paper in my own handwriting but since last night I was only able to write one paragraph out of hundreds because of my obsessive compulsive disorder OCD, the handwriting was supposed to look PERFECT in my eyes but it didn't I've even re-written dozens of times !!! So today i thought about telling my professor to allow me to submit the assignment electronically, but at the same time I STRONGLY FEEL THAT I AM LYING TO HIM because I didn't try enough even though I tried, I don't want to tell him that i have obsessive compulsive disorder OCD because deep down i know he won't truly and completely understand and I don't want to lie to him on another pretext, i don't know what i should do!!!! Should i tell him ? What if he said no? Please HELP ME!

I'm sry if this may make people worry or feel uncomfortable in advance! Hello everyone as u can see I struggle with ocd and I HATE IT WITH MY LIFE , it started in 2020 covid obv contamination ocd started here , I used to carry alcohol everywhere and used to wash my hands so much that it bled ( had to wear gloves to cover it so friends or family won't see it ) and everything else started since then , harm ocd with myself or friends I couldn't hold a knife..it was really hard..and I have unwanted sexual thoughts ocd , I have panic attacks bc of this..I sometimes cannot look people into their eyes and its so random and so scary..thoughts about.. 🍇..whether it's me or I'm gonna harm someone else uk..I sometimes cannot function properly.. unfortunately friends don't understand it rather think it's about " perfectionism "..I wrote those thoughts and stuff in a journal in more details ofc and doodle ( I'm scared someone will find it ) I hate myself tbh and I don't think someone will read this... I suspect I have ADHD with all this but ocd is " ur faking it " even though lots of people have hinted about it , I thought I actually killed someone for 2 years a girl..until I realized what HOCD is , I thought I faked my ocd too in fact , I have perfectionism ocd too it's bad and I HATE PURE O it's so DRAINING uk.. also idk if this has caused a problem for anyone but if y'all know the Truman show ( basically if u don't know the main character is being filmed and his life is fake and he doesn't know it ) THAT MOVIE HAS HARMED ME SO BADLY FOR YEARS that until today I have to check in the bathroom if there are cameras cuz like ocd makes me think I'm living in a fake world , I used to think people around me , everyone was like a Ai model or smth.. everytime until today I have to clean the toilet seat bc it may be dirty..I have been taking up to 5 showers a day cuz maybe I'm dirty..that's it for today tysm if u read this till the end I'd like to know ur thoughts if u got tips or have similar experiences ! 🤗 U get a chocolate bar 🍫 bc u earned it bc ik how ocd is so frustrating ( I also noticed everyone who has ocd is so nice right 😆! )

Every time I try to talk about what I am feeling I feel like my mind goes blank and I don't know how to start I was diagnosed with OCD and I am taking medication and goes through CBT but I didn't feel like my life was back I didn't feel like I totally understand what is going on inside my mind and why this is happening and how. I feel like there is always something missed that I can't understand . The doctor and therapist didn't define what type of OCD I have But according to what I've read I think it's pure ocd cause I am always trying to understand every single thing and if I don't analyse I feel so frightened and not comfortable and these feelings come to me in different situation even if it's not about analysing. It comes when I draw ,study ,drive a car or just thinking about anything , Like when I think about how should I start a project or a job , I feel like I am soo lost like I am in nowhere so I feel panicked and dozens of thoughts come to my mind and I feel paralysed and soo overwhelmed . And these feelings just stay for a long time without knowing what triggered it so I don't know how to face then and they stay for a long time. I am not able to do anything in my life right now Neither study nor doing my hobbies . I feel like my life is frozen and I don't know if it will stay like this forever or not. Every time I feel like I controlled my ocd and know how to live with it it comes in a different shape that I can't recognise it and it sends me to the beginning and I feel like all my efforts were for nothing . Like it keeps beating me every time. I always afraid of my next setback and I keep feeling insecure and unstable until I have a relapse . Whenever I go through a problem, even the smallest problems, I feel stuck and suffocated and unable to face it with normal flexibility. I always focus on the details of each process so that if I forget how to do it or how I reached the ability to accomplish it, I remember how I did it before. And when I am unable to remember, the overwhelming feelings and frightening haunt me I feel like I'm monitoring my life in every detail so I feel safe, and if life goes smoothly and automatically,I feel frightened Sometimes I can face and deal with OCD in a good way to the point that I can return to my normal life rhythm, but suddenly the desire inside me to achieve and make up for what I missed takes me by surprise, and then an OCD attack takes me back to the beginning and reminds me that I am not as I was before. I feel that I cannot live and achieve what I want and face OCD at the same time. I am studying medicine and I am thinking of leaving it, even though I love it very much, but I am unable to study now, but if I leave it, what I am going through in my study of medicine in any other field will be repeated. Even when I am not doing anything I feel these feelings tie me up , like I feel I don't wanna do anything until these feelings disappear I have been in this state for 4 years. I feel that all my friends are moving forward and I am stuck. Is all of this OCD? I am very lost.

Guys I've had this two week spiral and I tell you it just keeps getting worse everyday and even though I'm trying to sit with them and I've done a session I'm tired guys I don't know what I should do and being in a conservative African family even makes it harder for me to tell anyone...I tried to tell my mother in kind of like fun facts about ocd and she was like so that's how crazy people start and was laughing at some of the examples and compulsions I gave and now I'm even more scared to tell anyone even my friends..I told them I have ocd but I didn't tell them my theme , I feel alone guys😭