I need ocd inpatient care 1 doctor in 15 years has told me that I had never been told anything bout my ocd by doctors and therapist everytime I took the meds and did the therapy I always felt like I wasn’t getting better that this wasn’t helping but thought it was suppose to so I kept trying I’d always be wiery of getting help cause I’d be like I’m not sure wat they can do to help me stop fearing bug sprays and thinking things are dirty but in a chemical way not a dirt and germs way and help me stop doing hours of complex rituals and hand washing and many more cause I had been to therpay it was just always tlk therpay like tlk bout feelings there wasn’t anything I related to to my ocd that could help cause I was obviously being treated wit the rong therpay I needed an ocd therapist and exposure and response therpay I just was unaware that existed back then I always assumed regular mental health places and hospitals and therapists is wat everyone does for help but recently learned ocd is different but in Tennessee there’s no inpatient ocd places there’s not alot of help for ocd and there’s nowere that takes my insurance and nowere close but my main complaint is there’s not an inpatient ocd hospital is Tennessee and I have tenncare which can only be used in my state but I’d have to go out of state for inpatient care but can’t cause I can’t use my insurance other than my state so for the past 2 months I did so much research calling and emailing ppl trying to get any ocd help I’ve contacted nocd been on the international ocd website and the psychology websites of lists of professionals in your are I’ve done everything for 2 months and nothing so I decided out of desperation to go to a local place I’d been to in the past to atleast get something to help me feel less depressed until I could find the proper care so I went for evaluation told them I had ocd anxiety and depression when I tlk to my doctor I told her I have already been refered by a doctor in a mental hospital that I needed inpatient care rite now but that there’s none in Tennessee so I can’t get the rite care rite now that I’m aware I need more help but it’s been 2 months looking for an inpatient ocd place to accept my insurance out of state I’m desperate and need some relief till then I explained alot of things to this doctor that I have Bee to similiar mental health places as this one and had also been to this place years prior and that they’ve all given me an antidepressant and tlk therapy but that I no learned that tlk therapy can make ocd worse and isn’t the therapy ppl wit ocd need and that antidepressants alone mite not do the job for this huge anxiety disorder called ocd and the many types of ocd and wat comes wit ocd raceing thoughts late nites agoraphobia guilt shame uncertainty worry intrusive thoughts fear and phobias that ocd isn’t a big enough term for all of that and an antidepressant alone doesn’t seem to help majority of sufferers and tlk therapy shouldn’t be recommended that exposure and response therapy should be recommended that these places should learn this so they don’t hurt ppl wit ocd even more than they already are but obviously places like this don’t have the resources to get ocd help and hire ocd ppl so they just continue the same bullshit regiment wit little to no success in ocd patients that they have the ocd doctors and ocd therapist and ocd inpatient mental hospitals for a reason cause regular mental hospitals just don’t and won’t understand ocd there’s to many ppl on here suffering wit the same story there has to be something we can do as group the ppl who can’t afford help and whose insurance won’t help and ppl who live in states witout ocd help there’s gotta be something this just doesn’t feel rite.

I’ve recently been struggling a lot with OCD. I have had OCD for a long time I just didn’t realize it until more recently. About seven months ago I developed panic attacks one day randomly at work. I thought I was having a heart attack and went to the hospital where they told me it was just a panic attack and I assumed I would snap out and be better within a few days. However it didn’t. Here’s where it gets scary, I was staying at my then boyfriends house while dealing with blurry vision, anxiety attacks everyday, and more (unsure of what was going on). But at some point I saw my bfs (pew pew 🔫) on his table and it sent me into an anxiety attack after sudden thoughts that I was going to hurt myself with it. I begged him to put it away when I’m not looking so I didn’t know where he put it. He did. These thoughts lasted for about four days but began to go away. (I thought that was it and I would be back to normal). Unfortunately though I ended up moving back in with my family when we couldn’t get my panic attacks under control in time for me to get back to work and pay bills. However, coming home brought up a lot of trauma from when I was kid. My anxiety got worse but I didn’t have those thoughts again. About two and half months ago though, I got sick and went to the hospital where they gave me steroid pills and a steroid shot but sent me into some kind of psychiatric event. Ever since then though, I have been suffering from harm OCD, I have had moments of intense anger that I usually have to completely walk away and go on my own because of how intense they are, and it feels like it’s getting worse. Today I felt fine until about and hour and half ago where I started to dwell on the fact that my suicidal thought was influenced by my OCD and at the moment my OCD is at the worst it’s been. This caused me to get suddenly really depressed and I started crying thinking about how I can’t handle this. I then saw a post talking about how suicide rates are high for people with this form of OCD and it made me question if I am mentally strong enough to pull through this. I fear that at times I’m getting worse. I have good days but I have a lot of bad days. Unfortunately this sent me into such a bad panic attack I went over to my nanas crying about how I can’t deal with this. I took a 0.25 mg Xanax which helped calm down the panic attack portion of it but my brain is still uncomfortably active. I guess I just need hope. I’m so saddened by this. It’s like my life took a total 360 in 10 months and got even worse since the steroid shot. Idk what to do about it. I can’t stop the spiral. I talk to two different therapist weekly and start more next week, making it 5 times a week. I feel no improvements…

My ocd has been at an extreme all time high the past 2 weeks and I am in dire need of some relief. I’m not sleeping right anymore. for context: I live in the south and found a springtail on my sheets about 2 weeks ago. This was like 2 days before our bug guy came and sprayed (it’s a normal maintenance thing here) so it’s a common bug down here and I’ve found them all over different areas of the house before. Finding it in my bed sent me on a bit of a spiral bc I started to doubt if it even was a springtail and that i was wrong and that it was a bed bug, not trusting my brain. It was a bad, sleepless night and carried over continuing feelings. Typical ocd stuff. Well two days later, I’m a nurse and I had a patient that actually had bed bugs. This wasn’t the first day they were here and I did not see any myself but it still freaked me out. There had one 2 founds after visitors came the day before. Of course I wore PPE in the room (coveralls shoe covers and hair net) going in and took everything off before exiting the room. When I came home I stripped in my garage and bagged everything down to my shoes. Threw everything in the wash and did multiple cycles. There were no other steps I could take but I still had a terrible night. Hours of ruminating and going back and forth about tracing my tracks, thinking of new ways I could’ve taken one home with me. Just checking everything. I was already on a spiral from the springtail. Having two such back to back triggering events for me so closely related has made me deteriorate significantly. I was already doing bad with my normal OCD and starting therapy here. I obsess over the thought of having bedbugs constantly and haven’t been able to sleep. I am constantly checking my bed while in it and can’t settle down. My bed is heavy too and I keep hurting myself lifting my mattress to check. But I need to check. I’ve become obsessed. I check everything and go down Reddit rabbit holes looking for new things. And of course, I talk myself into it every time. I can’t take it anymore, it’s bleeding off into other parts of my life like friendship and marriage because I am so high anxiety right now. I need relief so bad. I’ve never felt this unstable to be honest. I feel like even someone without ocd would be really struggling with this topic, nevermind me, with ocd to a point where I just started treatment. These aren’t even my normal intrusive thoughts and compulsive acts. It’s just taken on a life in the last week and I can’t find any sign that it’s going to slow down. when I think rationally I know I did everything right to prevent but I can’t shake it. 💔

How to deal with OCD when you’re dissociating and numb and it’s going from ROCD, existential to how you hate yourself, to your whole life story trauma flooding, to retroactive jealousy, to how you never anointed to much, to how it’s hard for you to love people and not scrutinize, to how you never really did much on your own and always needed help and attention, to how you’re scared of death, to how you’re scared of abandonment and being alone, to saying if you don’t fix all these at once you’ll lose your relationship (I have CPTSD and there’s a push pull and I never had a chance to fix it) and I try to control everything. And I realize it. And it’s going on about how adulting is scary. About how I try to work and the. Quit because I’m afraid of opinions. About how I hoard. About how everything in life seems senseless. About how I can’t connect. About how I people please and about how I’m selfish. About how nothing will ever be perfect. I’m not joking when every second of my day is a FLOOD of thoughts and it’s been 46 days like this after one thought I tried to sit with spiraled me into a dissociative shutdown. I’ve had bad OCD all my life but as I got older more and more fears piled up. And my trauma is so bad. And so loud. The OCD is so bad. There’s nothing in life I don’t fear. And everything feels like a threat to me. His past. Him. And how I don’t want anyone else but my brain won’t stop ripping him apart. How “no one” will be good enough for my perfectionistic mind. I truly don’t know how the absolute fuck to get over something this severe. And I have horrific self worth issues. Bad. Like zero self worth. boundaries. Anything. I never had skills. And idk how to explain to my family how bad this OCD is. I run to my mom like a scared child. But even she can’t give me comfort because I’m in hell. And I always wanted people to help me fix things and now that I’m trapped in my own mind I can’t. I’m scared. Shitless.