Why does my brain keep asking what if I'm bi? I'm a 31 yr old married woman. I love men so much in every way. I guess the only reason that makes me wonder if I'm bi is that when I watch straight porn I get turned on by the act of penetration- I love seeing the sight of both the man and woman together. Does that make me bi?

Hi everyone, I’ve been really anxious lately, and I just need to get this out of my head. Someone recently told me that maybe I’m bisexual — that I might be more sexually attracted to women, but more romantically attracted to men. That bisexuality is not 50/50. And ever since I heard that, I’ve been spiraling. The thing is: I don’t want this to be true. It scares me. I don’t feel romantic attraction to women, I’ve never wanted to be in a relationship with one. But yes, I get aroused by fantasies involving women — and that makes me feel broken or like I’ve been lying to myself. I love my boyfriend deeply, I don’t want to lose him. I want to feel fully connected to him, physically and emotionally. But now I’m stuck in this obsessive loop of questioning: “What if I’m just in denial?” “What if I’m not really straight?” “What if this is why my libido is low?” It’s exhausting, and I don’t know if this is OCD, anxiety, or if something is fundamentally wrong. Has anyone else felt this split — romantic feelings for one gender, sexual feelings for another? I feel so alone and scared. Thanks for listening.

So I’ve been recovering from my obsession from my sexuality bc I am attracted to men 100% but when I was a child, a cousin I was really close to had me do things to her and ever since then my perspective on things have changed. After that experience I would sit in corners and watch girls kissing and when i got older and learned what pornography was, I would watch girls to learn how to pleasure myself and I would hide and watch women on women in the same room where I was sa’d in. When I became a teen I started learning about wattpad and teen stories and i got so into men and dating in the books and I ended up forgetting about all of those things that changed me. I never thought about any of the girl things till a old friend brought it up and said I should explore but it really makes me uncomfortable to do something like that because it doesn’t feel right and it makes me feel sick to my stomach to be with women or even talk to one that way bc I’ve never perceived women in that way. I’ve always fangirled over men and male celebrities and I have my favorite singers like Sabrina carpenter but I’ve never thought about her in that light nor have I done any other women. I even read this document called am I a lesbian and it’s very good and it helped me realize that I am straight and it definitely took a bit of weight off my shoulders but then I saw a video of a therapist saying how being sa’d doesn’t change your sexuality and so I looked up how did people know or what clues did they have to know if they were bi and a lot of people usually know from a young age as young as elementary and having crushes on women and men but i never thought about women in general even tho I watched porn on it. I simply did it because it was really all I knew and I guess it was familiar to me?? now my new obsession is what does this mean for me ? And how do I know if im attracted to a women? I’ve never had a crush on one before. I never even thought about any of this until my friend tried to convince me to explore and it all just sparked from there. Ever since that day I’ve been avoidant of women and giving them genuine compliments like I used to. Everything all of a sudden seems inappropriate or gay to do. I get anxious and my lower body part starts to ache (groin) and it keeps making me wonder if that is attraction or fear or am I uncomfortable? But when im around a man I clearly find attractive or a male celebrity I find hot, or if I have a crush/relationship with a guy, I start smiling and trying to act all pretty and squealing like a kid who just got the best Christmas gift and I know that I clearly want to bone him. And my biggest dream is to be a mother. I want to get married to a man who will be the love of my life and have a happy family and I just personally never seen myself doing that with a woman and i can’t even imagine myself doing so. I know that probably seems cliche and I know this probably is a lot but what does it mean ? Am I just in denial or is it something more ?

Hey, I am a 19 year old girl, who have since February 2024 begun questioning if I am a lesbian. I have always LOVED boys, and have always known that I do not like women sexually, but I remember one night I got the thought “what if you like women” and I have not been able to not think about it since then. I remember I began questioning this during Covid when I was home alone in 2020, but has since then been able to be 100% that it was just a fase where I was curious, but had since then been able to talk openly about me not liking women without it triggering something. But since February I have thought about it EVERY day and every single minute of the day. I have a boyfriend of 3,5 years who I love so much, but since I began having these thoughts I cannot feel attracted to him. I need to ask him for reassurance 10+ times a day “pinky promise I’m not into women but only men” and have to ask him a certain way. I also think “oh I feel the need to look at women’s private parts and get a tangly feeling 3 or more times before I can look away cause it has to feel right. I also feel like I can’t listen to eg “I kissed a girl” or “born this way” because if I do I will feel attracted to it. Another example is that I constantly seek reassurance from Google, ChatGPT or TikTok and it is so draining because in the end I keep thinking “I don’t have a OCD diagnosis what If im in denial and is just a lesbian who is lying to me bf” I feel as im in denial just writing this. I have lived with it for a year now and is starting to question “what if I have just changed and must accept that I don’t like boys and is masculine e.g.” but the thing is, I have ALWAYS loved makeup, and loves girl stuff, but when I have these thought I can’t feel as I am in control of who I am. It makes me question myself to the point where I feel as I have to go out and be with a women because it is what my brain tells me to do. During a 5 month period in between this year the topic changed to “what if I have cheated on my bf without him knowing because I don’t remember” and I went down another dark hole. I have thrown all my clothe from that period of time out because I felt guilty and as it held “bad memories” and now I regret it because the topic has changed. But during that time I had to seek reassurance from friends “have I flirted - do u think I talked flirty or looked at them, have I done anything” and I had to have it IN writing, otherwise it wasn’t valid. I even promised God that I would not go out clubbing until New Year’s Eve at 12 am, because then he would forgive me and it would make me a not lesbian person. But it did not help a bit, the topic just changed and my “am I a leabjan” spiral started again. And it makes me so sad because why can it not just think “okay you are bisexual” NOT JUST “oh you are either heterosexual or ONLY into women” it is like my mind is afraid. So I guess my hope and question is, is there anyone who can tell if this sounds like OCD, and if I am into women. Before gaining these thoughts I was certain, and I know i don’t ONLY like women, but I can’t even be sexually active with my bf because if I think of women during it, I must get turned on by it and be a lesbian. I am so exhausted. Sorry for the long question, I am just so drained. Backstory: my family has a lot of mental illnesses on my dads side, and when I was a child I dealt a lot with having to wash my hands until they bled and crying because i did not know why I lived. I was never diagnosed.