Here's the medications I've been on over the course of the last 12 years, and what they were like (as much as I can remember). I dont know if anyone cares, but I'm isolating, so this is exposure. Effexor -- my first med. I dont even think this is typical? Anyway, useless. Zoloft -- one of the better ones. It made me soooo tired though, alllll the time. It lowered my general state of anxiety enough to do ERP effectively for a while. Prozac -- tried it because I was tired of being tired. I noticed a sharp increase in anxiety on this. 3 months later I went back on zoloft. Lexapro -- again, I was tired of being tired, so I tried this. Was less effective than zoloft, but more effective than prozac. Luvox -- this is what I take now. I have MUCH more energy, I dont pull my hair out any more (trichotilomania), and my general level of anxiety has never been better. Been on it 3 years? I think? Others: Xanax -- HORRIBLE. Withdrawal left me in deep depression. Not worth it. I took it twice ever. Ativan -- helped me get over my very frequent panic attacks, but I became addicted and had to go through withdrawal. DO NOT GET ADDICTED TO BENZOS Clonopin -- no Adderall -- I took this while I took zoloft to counter the extreme tiredness. It started to do less good, and leave me in bad depressive episodes. Risperidone -- took it with zoloft because I just couldn't begin to tackle my magical thinking. It just made me even more tired, like that was possible. Abilify -- took this after I had to stop taking ativan. I think it helped, because I havent had regular panic attacks since I took it, but I had to stop because I had the common side effect of restless muscles all the time, which is SO unpleasant.

Hi charice / chai! You aren't bothering me at all! I am doing a liiiitttle better with isolation, but my first reaction to the thought of replying was fear, so of course I replying is what I should do. It's not easy finding other people with isolating compulsions because we're isolated lol! Im glad you reached out. Saying tht freaks me out wow I have a lot to work on.... But I wont delete my reply, so you shouldnt either. We can do this!

thank you. ♡ this was so sweet..! i was just wondering... what is it about isolation that comforts you? or what is it about communicating that scares you? i really wonder what it is for me that creates all this nervous energy. my aura is so anxious that i affect those around me with nervousness. it’s like i’m a bad curse..! i just want to share our experiences with each other~! i wish i could be a calm, motherly friend to others... but i feel like i’m an astronaut shooting off into the galaxy. i’m just confusing...

Im sorry for not replying, I was triggered pretty bad and so I freaked out and so I isolated. So yeah I basically isolate out of fear. Im afraid I might say something evil, and I cant just check if I said something wrong, because I suffer from a lot of magical thinking and derealization, so I struggle with figuring out what's real. What feels real is anxiety and obsessive thoughts, but I know theyre not because they make literally no sense.

stf ♡ hello, how are you~? i suffer from isolation too. i remember reading your messages. something about it struck my heart. i was just wondering about you, and randomly, i wished to reach out to you. so, i just did..! i was once ‘?❀charice’ or whoever, but i kept changing my identity and deleting whatever i share... i have this urge to disguise and hide myself over a second time, but i know i’ll regret. i’ve been in the shadows, just shying away. maybe... it could be exposure for me to talk to you..? but, it may be uncomfortable for you. so, i’m sorry for bothering you..! well, anyway, i’m sorry..! i wish you blessings and wonder~! sending you love and hope. ♡

that’s okay. ♡ mm--no worries. i understand. take your time to heal... i’ll be here to listen, whenever. ?♡ lately i’ve been feeling that as well.. that i’m evil. ... somehow, i obsessed over my zodiac chart. i believe it’s like a fortune teller.. that my astrological stars reveal all my dark, hidden secrets and flaws... so i read and read... and despite reading a bit of good qualities, i only internalize the bad qualities.... harm ocd/magical thinking/false memories have been giving me hesitation.. i’m so scared. as if all the little things i do will always be a bad deed and it’ll all come back as karma to taunt and fool me. is this something you’ve experienced..? is there something that’s been bugging you..?