I was thinking back today to see how long I've actually exhibited symptoms of OCD and I have found that it goes all the way back to childhood. One example is that I was VERY imaginative, but to a fault. When my parents told me that there wasnt actually a Santa claus I lost my shit, I mean sobbed, and tried to find every reason I could find to make him be real. Another example would be that I took the whole stepping on sidewalk cracks too seriously.. I really believed that if I stepped on the cracks my family would die... it only pisses me off that my parents were much too self involved to realize that there was something wrong with me.

Typically some sort of trauma or significant event triggers OCD to manifest. I believe we are predisposed to developing different disorders. However, we may or may not experience a significant event that triggers that predisposed disorder. In my case, my OCD began after a medical trauma at 8yo. If I didn’t experience the trauma, my OCD switch may have never been flipped. You may want to consider doing a timeline of your life from birth to present. Focus on significant events that occurred each year or whatever memory pops into your head. The easiest way is to picture yourself in 1st grade, 2nd grade, etc. Chances are that you remember things that have significance, but never realized they have significance.

I relate!!! I remember new symptoms I had as a kid all the time. Just yesterday I remembered I had an extreme fear of poison ivy that made me not want to even go outside. I had so many compulsions, but I didnt put them together as one thing until I was older. Uncalled for autobiography time! I've had OCD symptoms since I was 3 or 4, but I didnt know I was different or had a problem until I was about 8 or 9. I didnt know it was OCD until I was about 12, but at that age I thought I had gotten over it. I didnt realize I was doing lots of compulsions still. When I was 14 I had a breakdown and my OCD just exploded. I deliberately hid my symptoms from my parents though, and mostly only let my sister know my weird thoughts. I wasnt diagnosed until I was 16. By then, it was unavoidably obvious I had OCD, because I had a cliche germ phobia, and I was washing my hands for several hours a day. Where were my parents?? Since then, my mom has expressed regret she didnt pick up on it earlier, especially since OCD and mental illness runs in our family. I don't blame her though, because a lot of my struggle was internal, and most of my compulsions were not very obvious, and if they were, I hid them. OCD is obvious once you know how it works, but before that, it can just appear as eccentricities (sometimes). Obviously, I dont know your parents, so I cannot make that judgement for you at all. Im just sharing my experience of why I dont blame my parents in particular. I hope you find peace with this realization, like I have, but it's understandable if you dont. Sorry to talk so much about myself lol, just relating.

Thanks yall. It helps so much to know I'm not actually alone like I've always believed I am