I’m so very close to starting medication. I’m at my wits end. My fear now that’s holding me back is that I will “snap” go into psychosis or manic and I’m already psyching myself into all these severe side effects before I even start. How am I supposed to do better on them if I don’t let myself have the chance or if I just convince myself they’re doing more damage?? Was anyone else thinking this way when they started?? That they would give into all their intrusive thoughts? Or what they already convinced themselves it wouldn’t work?

You’re entirely right, it is an intrusive thought, I just can’t help but fear it. Your response was helpful. Thank you!

I’m sitting here, looking at the meds. Wanting to take them, but also scared I’m going to act out when it’s just me and my mother in law her. Thanks for your post. There are so many people on them without such reactions. Why do I think I’ll be the rare case?

@ruminating_redhead I totally understand I felt the same way. I finally got to a place where I was like I have to do this for my family if not for myself.

@ruminating_redhead Because you have OCD!

Did you continue on with the medication or did you discontinue it and start a different one? This is what I keep trying to tell myself, if something like that happens, I will get through it. Did you have to go to the ER? Or did you just stop taking it?? My big fear really is having paranoia and acting out on any delusions I may have if I start taking them

@ruminating_redhead I immediately stopped taking the medication as soon as my muscles started twitching. I think prior to that, my doctor just thought it was my OCD (my obsession is symptoms unfortunately). I didn't have to go to the ER. It was mild serotonin syndrome, so I would've had to if I had kept taking it. But don't let that scare you...the reality is, if you were, on the rare chance, to begin feeling those symptoms, you would also know something was wrong. Also, start low and work your way up. That way if you do have any side effects, they'll be mild and you can assess how you feel about them.

@ruminating_redhead Oh, and I'm not currently on any meds. My doctor wants me to take Lexapro and l-methylfolate vitamin b9(for genetic mutation) and I've started only with the l-methylfolate so far. Of course, it's giving me side effects, so I haven't started the med yet until I work this one out.

It's a genetic variant that makes me metabolize Paxil and a couple other drugs insufficiently so it builds up in my system. According to the test, I should be able to normally process other SSRIs fine, though I haven't tried yet. I keep bouncing back and forth between not wanting to try and wanting to lol

The test is pharmacogenetic testing, I got mine done through Genesight if it's something you want to ask your doc for. Might give you some peace of mind.

What were some motivational words you said to yourself to keep you trying. I feel like I’ll have all the initial side effects under a microscope

Oh I completely agree that my ocd is at an all time high as my obsessions with the meds are changing each day and I fixate. So you would say you’re feeling better on them? Biggest fears for me: phsychosis, induced mania, insomnia that doesn’t go away