I feel like every time I get a negative emotion like anxiety or anger or frustration or stress a gross sexual or violent though will automatically generate in my mind and I’m pretty sure I’m doing that on purpose and also flexing my (tmi) vagina muscles every time, this is all day even when I’m working. If I don’t think the bad thought/maybe flex the muscles I feel anxious or something like it’s a compulsion to relieve anxiety, but a bad one. Am I a sicko? I think I flex muscles sometimes as an emotional reaction but is it like sexual AND when I’m thinking those bad thoughts probably intentionally ? But also it could just be ocd or is it some kind of Tourettic ocd or rarer one? I really don’t know what to do or how to help myself

Recently ive been getting very scared to even be angry bc of the horrible thoughts I have and it feels even more real when I'm angry or even annoyed. Rn I was not even super annoyed at my neice but I felt a twinge of annoyance since she went up to my face and was yelling at me while I was resting on the bed and I got this image of doing something bad to her and I felt my hand twitch very little. I got nervous and felt relieved when her dad told her to stop screaming for no reason. I've been hyperfocusing on my bodily reactions (mainly my hands or how I'm feeling like did I just enjoy that? Was I considering???) And I've noticed the small twitches whenever I'm mad or annoyed and it's scaring me so bad! Like do I want to act out? Am I holding back??? I used to not even twitch at all when mad and I felt 100% sure I'll never act out but now it feels like I don't know bc what do these twitches mean?, I do know I don't want to ever act out but it's so scary. Recently whenever I feel angry once the argument is over I cry really bad after I'm alone and I pray so i never want or act out. And when the annoyance passes I also feel so guilty and want to stay away. Im scared these are real urges and i research for many many hours to make sure they arent urges or impulses and i also tend to ask chatgpt or here if the anxiety gets so bad 😕

Recently ive been getting very scared to even be angry (i try to avoid even being angry if i can!) bc of the horrible thoughts I have and it feels even more real when I'm angry or even annoyed. I've been hyperfocusing on my bodily reactions (mainly my hands or how I'm feeling like did I just enjoy that? Was I considering? Did it just move? Why is it tingly? Why did it twitch?) And I've noticed the small twitches whenever I'm mad or annoyed and it's scaring me so bad! Like do I want to act out? Am I holding back? Is this an indication i was about to do something or will in the future? I used to not even twitch at all when mad and I felt 100% sure I'll never act out but now it feels like I don't even know anymore bc of these twitches. Im so afraid! What I do know is I don't want to ever act out (idea is distressing not appealing) but it's so scary like why did i twitch or was i about to act out? Im scared these are real urges and i research for many many hours to make sure they arent real urges or impulses and i also tend to ask ai or here if the anxiety gets so bad. Like how do I know of this is actually a serious concern and I should be very worried???

TW// nsfw and 18 up pls i can self pleasure without even realizing it. not like full blown, but it just happens when i dissociate and think about past flings or whenever im bored. just like casual touching myself. sometimes it happens when im scrolling on my phone or when im doing school work. what sucks is sometimes kids will pop up on my phone and for example today i was doing studies on a mental health in children. when i came to, basically becoming fully aware, i was like wtf. because of what was on my screen and what i was researching. it freaked me out really bad and i know it wasn’t with any bad intent it just makes me feel bad if that makes sense. like i dissociate basically and i am doing the touching like on pilot mode if that makes sense so whatever content on my phone or schoolwork isn’t even associated with the act. It just makes me feel like i was doing it to whatever was on my screen which ik I wasn’t bc I would’ve been aware and freaked tf out but I still am freaking out. this has happened before and I just move on bc I know what I was doing and like it wasn’t even a compulsion like “oh am I attracted to this?” Like the compulsions that come with sexual ocd. It was just autopilot dissociative self touching and I just was zoning out while doing my work. idk if this makes sense I probably sound like a monster. I keep having what if thoughts like what if I was doing it to that or what if I am a monster and it’s that bad to the point where I am unaware