how has ocd affected your self esteem? i personally feel like once i got ocd i died. like i dont do anything anymore but isolate myself. not talk to anyone and cry alone with the only thing in my mind being the thought of how disgusting i am and how ill never recover and that its basically all over for me.

that is so true! whenever somebody asks me what ocd is like i’ll always say “imagine your literal worst nightmare, in a personal sense. nothing like human size spiders or anything. but then imagine one day, you wake up to that nightmare. it pretty much feels like this is the last moments before it all turns true. and then you wake up the next day to tht same fucking nightmare. and you just do that everyday!”

that sounds horrible! i know ocd feels extremely shitty, but i promise you that you are neither a bad person or “its all over for you”. theres plenty of hope!

thanks. it just pains me because i love my little cousin so much and it pains me to have her worry about me and see me eating barely any food.....the last thing i would want to do to her is make her feel sad. im going to heal for her.

that sounds lovely! but heal for you too, you know? you deserve to see yourself better as well

thats true. but it isnt even a possibility to be a “freak” if you are this plagued by your thoughts. no horrible criminal, psychopath, pedofile or anything else that people with ocd has worried about becoming have had these intrusive thoughts. so no, luckily you arent a pedofile. i know that reassuring does nothing in the long term, and that even knowing you arent a pedofile doesnt make you feel that much better because your life still feels a bit broken these days. but still, you’re not!

wait shit i think i mixed two posts up. i was partly thinkinh i answered to another post about pocd. i dont know if you have pocd, but either way the points still matter. sorry if i freaked you out!

you are NOT disgusting and unlovable!! know that! pocd can only hit you if youre the opposite! so ocd is both a fucking nightmare and a little bit a blessinh! it can tell you in a weird and also mortifying way what an amazing person you actually are. maybe you should open yourself up to some fun dudes? youre young, and yay not a pedophile, so maybe its time you say fuck pocd and go for some fun?

just minutes ago, i posted about this (self esteem and ocd) on another post. about two years ago i went to metacognitive therapy for what i thought was overthinking (which it also was, but basically it was pure-o and the following anxiety) anyways, in metacognitive therapy i was taught to “not think about it” in ways that i never recognized. basically, my therapist tricked me into not doing shit about my condition and the time. it helped a lot! but also, she helped me correct my self image a lot, which in turn made me realise so much about myself. about how many qualities i possessed and so on. it gave me a great deal of self esteem, and that really changed up the anxiety. its like, i had norhing to be afraid of after, because i found out that i had many amazing qualities and had a lot of resources and powers for incominh challenges. so maybe, you could take a look at how you view yourself? like, critically analyze any bad things you think of yourself and evaluate to yourself if theres enough evidence to back those beliefs up?

and part of the reason i relapsed so hard was because over a few months, a shit ton of bad stuff happened and i stopped believing in myself and started doubting (doubt is the essence of ocd!) and then it came back so much harder! so i believe what you think of yourself can really set the foundation for whether or not you’lo be anxious

all of my ocd stuff also revolves around the concept “maybe theres some deeply ingrained fucked up-ness buried deep inside my brain that will eventually come up to the surface” but i know, for a fact that no, theres not some hidden desire, its rather a deeply ingrained fear that thrives on doubt.

with the bpd tho, have you been abandoned by someone when you were young?

oh i get that. that sounds like a damn lot

honestly something that makes me feel better that might make yall feel better too is i tell myself "even if i was a freak i still detest and reject these thoughts and i would never want to do anything with them and thats enough for me"

thank you so much though. i know im not and ive always been mortified and disgusted by anything pedophilia related so of course its gonna manifest into my ocd. it's just so damaging....like its your worst fear and your ocd tells you it could come true like that is literally horrible

its ok anna yea i have pocd and i hate it and i want it gone so i can go back to fawning over guys in their twenties without being ultimately repulsed due to anxiety.

literally.......and the fact that i was so normal and i was soooo ready to find a boyfriend and i was just like "ill socialize more and ill do this more and maybe ill meet some cute guy at guitar practice" and all that DESTROYED by some fucking accusation my brain threw at me....now i feel like i dont deserve anyone and that im disgusting and unloveable...its awful.

i would but low self esteem keeps me from asking any guys out....whoops......im really terrified yall im so scared .....i cant believe this is happening to me.

im gonna be real with you this sounds really weird but i used to imagine myself as a protagonist in my own little animated series where i was an enigmatic but charismatic androgyne that had multiple talents in the field of the ARTS and a secret plot twist i had for myself is that i was actually the undercover villain all along and that i was doing horrible things because i was convinced that theres something wrong with me and that im a terrible person. at the time i really was just like OH THIS WOULD BE SUCH A BRUTAL PLOT TWIST but it really just hit me now that that plot twist was a product of what i really think of myself. i have had self diagnosed bpd for the longest time and it has driven me away from every single friend ive had up until now and has forever altered the way people view me. i barely have any people i consider friends now and this constant loneliness had me convinced that im a freak and thats why nobody has ever liked me. its the only conclusion i could pull at the time. so you can imagine when the ocd hit my self esteem tanked and turned into extreme self hatred. i recall all the times i looked into the mirror and thought " yes you do look like a creep, you do look like a freak, youre disgusting and repulsive"... i cant believe all this would result into my current situation where im at my lowest........thats frightening

there was this myth going around that my mom abandoned me to my current parents or whatever and also as a child my current parents were constantly telling me to go live with my mom over every small thing i did wrong and i also had my best friends constantly get pissy and abandon me all throughout middle school to the point where i would cry about it and also that one time i was in love with an abusive dickhead online and he was constantly treating me like shit and blocking me from talking to him even if i had done absolutely NOTHING to him and its just a LOT. like it doesnt help that its comorbid with my ocd and my ptsd like im so over this shit