- Date posted
- 3y
wanting to be heard..., worth seeing a therapist?
hi. so i started off with having ocd since I was little. my ocd is very mild on a daily basis as of now and only recurrent in a moderate or severe state based on the 'circumstance I am put in', or based on what happens to me. I had severe checking and symmetry conditions in the past, and possibly other subtypes, ritualistic, on a daily basis. i am just curious over the way i behaved in the past over something that had happened to me and thought what i had is pretty different and odd from any other ocd person I've heard before so i thought i would post this. what had happened was i one day hurt my thumb years ago, unexpectedly, and was very nervous and had fear while doing it. it was the first time something like this, 'self-harm' had happened to me. i then had a mental breakdown and it felt like insanity for months. it also led me to getting violent once and pushing everything off of my desk. it all started when my other thumb started making clicking noises when bent slightly. i noticed that abt my other thumb not having the same problem. i cant remember what made me hurt my thumb, but i can only tell the self harm or bending it back and forth multiple times was not something i wanted, but was rather drawn into it by what i think was my ocd, which i cant recall what it was but my gut is telling me that it had something to do with checking, although i dont know what i could have possiblty been checking. (i am referring here to the thumb which i didnt have a problem with, but ended up doing self-harm) to this day i still feel this thumb, from the moment i wake up. its like its all i can think abt. it rly feels like my thumb is injured and i notice a difference, discomfort/weakness from holding/handling things, joint crunching, and its also distracting from social interactions, and seemingly giving rise to social anxiety. For example when playing on the joystick having a hard time laughing after having scored a goal against my cousin unlike in the past to enjoy the time you spend together. this is only one example. even affecting my relationship with loved ones. anyway, i described here what made me feel insane and even led me to getting violent, and also giving me a rather hard time in terms of social interactions, as well as the discomfort, 'pain' in my thumb. i should also mention that i was really getting along just fine with my life before the self-harm took place, didnt really have friends at school, so there isn't really anything that would make me think the problem was something else. also me feeling insane was also likely due to being in disbelief that i had actually done what i did (the self-harm), and there was also an insurmountable amount of guilt. Besides the ocd, checking/organization, which can occur recurrently in a moderate to severe form,I'm not sure if the 'thumb' problem has anything to do with ocd, could just be me feeling anxious, from a moderate to a severe level, but I'm sure the self-harm had something to do with my ocd. ive talked to ocd therapists before, not on nocd, but i couldn't get anything out of them that made me feel understood/helpful. i am presently looking for a hand surgeon based on my web searches on the symptoms of my thumb. any feedback, thoughts would be appreciated, or anyone having suffered something similar