- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
I can help you with it. 18 months ago I had was similar situation as that of ypurs but It was that of eyes. I used to get flickers which was actually normal but I someone worried about it so much that I got scared If was going to go blind. When I googled it I found out that it was symtom of future blindness. Then I was completely scared at that moment. It just took off more from there. Then With more research I found out through google that blindness can be aymtom of type 2 diabetes . Then I got frightened even more. Eventually I had to do my tests due to extreme fear . Well guess what I was all well. I stressed about it for about a month. And even today i am all well and fine. This is absolute OCD so do not take it seriously it just comes and goes. Sending my love to youuu.
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
I saw your post, and I had to respond. I’m 62 years old and my ocd presented similarly to yours-lots of Googling, testing, rumination. I have spent over 37 years doing compulsions related to “health” issues. The thing you need to understand is your inability to “think straight” is due to your compulsions (checking, testing, rumination etc). As my therapist explained to me, life is uncertain, anything can happen. However, in trying to gain certainty we make our ocd worse, we feed the OCD cycle. All the trying to gain certainty never gives you the answers you’re looking for. Believe me, after all these years I can honestly tell you that you will never feel 100% certain. Oh sure, after several years you may feel better if you haven’t lost your hearing, but there will be some other issue you will be trying to gain certainty about. This was what happened to me. Now, 38 years into it, I’m learning to sit with the uncertainty, when fear and doubts arise the urges to check, research, ruminate are intense. I often feel like I cannot move forward with my day until I “figure it out”. I’m learning I must resist these urges. For example, I wanted to ruminate/check about a “medical” issue this morning. I felt afraid, uncertain, irresponsible etc. I know I must live with uncertainty so I chose to exercise, eat a healthy breakfast and hopefully respond/offer some support to someone else dealing with uncertainty 😀. When all of this started for me (early 20’s) I didn’t know what it was, I truly thought I was being conscientious about my health. I know it’s hard to hear, but we live in a world where bad thing can happen. Don’t spend all your time trying to prevent these things. I hope you are working with a therapist. Working with an NOCD therapist has made a world of difference in my life. There is hope and help out there. All the best!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 20w
I have been having these fears about developing schizophrenia, it reached a point where i am starting to almost hear things or the smallest sounds and my mind tells me you're schizophrenic, and i feel this weird sensations in my ear as if someone is whispering yet i can barely hear them, the thing is i am not diagnosed yet because i never work with an OCD therapist but i study psychology so i just used what i learnt to give a meaning to my suffering, many themes of this fear have been happening before and this schizophrenia fear is the last one. I want to know what advice you can give me or ways to make my brain calm down a little bit, i also don't have and can't afford a therapist that's why i am here in the first place I also want to know more informations or experiences with this theme if anyone habe experienced it and what helped you with it I remember feeling better for a while but than i collapsed back, but i am hoping to get better soon too or anytime in the future, I don't want reassurance so make sure you be as real as you can, and thanks 🙏🏻
- Date posted
- 19w
I don’t even know where to start because there’s so much going on in my head and it feels like there’s so much evidence for every thought. Like my ocd feels like it doesn’t just have one specific theme it’s honestly every theme and it just switches throughout the day depending on the thoughts I have. This started all about a month ago, this whole ocd flare up. I’ve been diagnosed with ocd for about 3 years now and looking back on my childhood, I feel like I’ve had it for probably my entire life. My grandpa just recently died back in February and I feel like this whole ocd spiral is a result of dealing with grief especially because it didn’t even hit me for the whole month of April for some reason and things felt “normal”. But since this ocd flare up has started I’ve been constantly reviewing and revisiting my past, all my childhood memories and so many of them are terrifying which is weird because I never had a traumatic event hppen to me as a child. I feel like it’s always been “self-inflicted” trauma if that makes sense? My mind is telling me so many things related to so many topics like maybe I liked my family member as a kid and have just hid it to fit in with society? That my anxiety as a kid has caught up with me and I’m turning into a psychopath? That I’ve always been a creep and enjoyed looking at peoples privates or chests, etc but just ignored or allowed the thought this whole time. Also before this whole flare up I remember always feeling on autopilot and not really alive like everything I did I just felt numb about it. Which aids my ocd to tell me that these feelings are real and the thoughts are true and that I’m “waking up” or realizing or something. I haven’t felt such intense anxiety and distress since I was a kid and I didn’t even understand my own thoughts. It’s like I’m either hyper aware or totally unaware of what’s going on around me and it gets me thinking about my existence, personality, what my role in life is and like genuinely what I’m even doing in the moment like what’s the reason behind everything. I’m constantly questioning my intentions because I don’t know if they’re true or not and it’s like my ocd doesn’t even allow me to consider the thought it just jumps to conclusion. Like telling me I’m guilty before proven innocent. It honestly feels like so much at once to even simply call it ocd or anxiety because it feels like a crisis and any moment I could spiral and breakdown completely. Going to school everyday feeling like anytbing could trigger a panic attack at any moment makes me feel like I can’t be left alone with my thoughts. And like overall since I got down this rabbit hole, my first obsession was harm to myself, then it was harm to others specifically my family, then it was being a pervert or pedo, or being attracted or someone or something I shouldn’t be, which then makes me question my existence and who I am along with also being hyper aware of my facial movements like my eyebrows, nose, etc. Like why does ocd have to involve itself in every aspect of my life? It feels like there’s always something wrong that I need to fix.
- Date posted
- 14w
(Long post warning) Hi, I’ve been struggling with severe OCD for six years now. it started in 2019 with my theme being getting sick/emetophobia. it devastated my life. I almost didn’t graduate high school from it. I remember washing my hands for three hours one day until they were nearly bloody while crying and asking why I could not stop doing it. I remember id have to write and rewrite sentences when I did my English homework and that’s why I nearly failed that class. I remember how I would spend up to thirty minutes to an hour pacing the halls of my apartment while my mom was asleep until I neutralized the thoughts about throwing up and I could finally go to bed. I don’t know when it happened, but my theme switched. Sometimes in late 2020 or early 2021, it switched to POCD. It started with a single thought, and I focused on it and it’s been my theme since then for four years. It has been absolutely destroying me. I feel so disgusted and lost and just tired. My compulsions are severe now. I thought they were bad before, but now they’re ten times worse. I can’t eat, drink, change my clothes, walk, or even do things on my phone normally. I’ve developed so many mental compulsions that it’s so intricate and complicated yet at the same time I’ve done them so much that they’ve become normal. An example I have is if im putting on a shirt and I have a “bad” thought, I have to take it off and put it back on two more times (that’ll make it 3 times I put the shirt back on - odd numbers are my safe number). I have to have a good thought on the third time otherwise I have to take it off and put it on two more times to make it five times I put on that shirt. If not that then I just put on a different shirt because the original is now tainted with my bad thought. I can’t open apps on my phone. It’s with the numbers again. If I open TikTok once while having a bad thought - I have to close it and open it two more times and so on. Sometimes I do it up to 30 times. So I just don’t do things usually. I don’t turn on the TV because I know I’ll redo it. I don’t open a book or grab it off my shelf because I’ll have to repeat the action. I can’t even lay in bed without getting up and redoing it even if im exhausted. I just feel so helpless. I don’t know what to do. I feel disgusting and even now my minds screaming at me that I am dirty and what I think is true. I just wish I was free of this, I wish I could just live my life. I’ve wasted hours and days because of my compulsions. I mask it so well around my friends. I don’t do them in front of anyone or I’ve learned to hide it well. But when im back home alone, it goes haywire. I just want to live again.
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