- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
Hi! I’ve definitely had this fear many times and still do. I’ve completed my NOCD treatment (I do go monthly for maintenance sessions), but thoughts pop up still and this was one of them for sure. I live in an apartment and I’m not sure if people can hear my therapy sessions. ERP, to outsiders, may sound like some wild stuff right? Lol. But, I think it’s best that you sit with the uncertainty here. Maybe people can hear your sessions and maybe they can’t. After all, you’ll never know who hears any conversation of yours whether it’s therapy-related or not. Maybe this is something you can practice with your therapist and do an exposure with it! Good luck, you got this!
Yup for sure! I'm currently getting treated for SOCD and quite often my wife is home in the other room. I was also super paranoid when doing ERP and recording a loop tape on my phone, which i am worried that might get heard by someone. But it's all about learning to sit with and be comfortable with the fear, instead of avoiding it.
The walls of my apartment are paper thin and I’m pretty sure someone has heard something at some point. But I’m going to disagree with the above poster, respectfully. Therapy is supposed to be a safe space where your privacy is protected. I think it’s worth bringing up with your therapist first So you can decide if it’s a genuine concern or a symptom of your OCD, but if you have a genuine concern that voices carry, you might want to have a conversation with your family about respecting your privacy.
Sorry if my post was misunderstood, as I certainly wasn’t suggesting that it’s ok for other people to hear your sessions. I would be mortified if I found out anyone heard mine.
In the past I used to isolate myself when I was feeling bad or when my mental health became poor. now I feel like I don't want to be alone because I'm scared that when I'm alone, something bad will happen or i'll lose control and do something bad. And I feel like when I'm around someone e.g. my mom, it's easier to just let the thoughts go because at least there's someone there to verify that I haven't done anything bad.
I actually didn't realise this til now because I just assumed it was a coping mechanism from when I was really young. But when I tend to get stressed out or overwhelmed, I'll often start talking out loud to myself (which mostly means just whispering to myself because if i spoke really loudly, my mom would hear me lol). But nowadays with my fear of being surveilled, I keep having to catch myself because it's such a habit at this point for me to whisper out loud. Especially with me trying to reason through my false memories or really bad intrusive thoughts. Another compulsion. And then I keep thinking omg did I have my phone with me when I said that. Is anyone watching me rn? What if this person (that probably doesn't even exist) thinks my thoughts are true? What would everyone else think? And then I spiral afterwards. It sucks because I feel like I'm policing myself even when I know these are all just things I'm saying out loud and they don't mean anything— they're just thoughts after all. But I have this worry that if someone overheard me or all of this was suddenly revealed, that it might change how people see me or people might hate me or think i'm a bad person. And then I worry about me being worried about that because then I ask myself would a good person be worried about this? Anyways, another long post with me waffling and rambling. Thank you for taking the time to read this ❤️🩹
(21+ ONLY: TRIGGER WARNING) I have therapy today and I’m nervous. I just started going to therapy and I really like my therapist. She talked to me about doing ERP and I’m really nervous about it. I’m scared to tell her the extent of my OCD, and my themes. I’m scared to tell her about my false memory OCD, because I’m scared that what I did was real and I’m just excusing it as false memory, although I have no memory of it. I’m scared that I am truly a monster and I’m using OCD as an excuse—and that she’ll find out and distance herself. I’m just scared that my whole world is gonna fall apart, all around me.
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