This isn’t really a ocd issue but it is a issue I just want to talk about. Every time I’m with my friends I can’t help but hate myself. And it pours in harder after I leave. It’s nothing that they are doing it’s just I’ve had multiple friends/ friend groups in the past that have made me feel like my only option is to be defensive and correct myself and hesitate and it’s agitating that, that’s the way my social life feels and even more so that I don’t know how to not be that way. Those people aren’t in my life I have genuinely great people now but it’s like I just don’t know how to function or I come off incredibly abrasive or I take a joke to far and the last thing I ever want is to hurt the people I love feelings. It’s like I just want to purge everything in my head and have a fresh slate but I just don’t know how I don’t want to lose my friends and I obviously need a social life but like I just want to stay in and stay quiet and just forget about everything and just start new Bc obviously trying to continue the life I’m already living and the mindset I tempt to function with just isn’t working. I get afraid that I’ll never be happy and never get what I want

pureolife

Date posted: 3y

It sounds like you’re incredibly aware of things you could work on: defensiveness and constantly correcting yourself. I suspect the “taking jokes too far” is actually part of the correcting yourself issue: after the fact you want to correct it. You say this isn’t ocd related but actually I see some perfectionism going on here. Next time you say something that makes you feel defensive or want to correct yourself: stop! Sit with the discomfort of potentially being misunderstood or offending or looking stupid or whatever it is that is the root of the fear. Just let the anxiety that arises be there and leave on its own. Refocus on moving the conversation forward and staying present rather than correcting. Also: I highly recommend Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself by Kristin Neff. You need a hefty dose of self compassion here. You would never be this judgmental to a close friend, and you don’t need to be that way towards yourself.

Gela💞

Date posted: 3y

Thank you ❤️ your spot on I just covered this with my therapist and he said the same thing❤️❤️ and I will most certainly be getting that book

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