I’ve been so tired lately my anxiety is so crazy my ocd triggers in my home make me feel like I’m just surrounded by contaminates I feel like I’m in constant stress I want to leave to get away from the house but get nervous bout leaveing my home and then I no I gotta come back here I can’t seem to get off my phone to lay down I just keep prolonging it till it’s so late I make myself lay down then I’m up all nite I wake up round 4 to 5 in the evening I’m still exhausted and I gotta do it all over again I love wit my bf who is aware of my ocd and wat has caused me stress lately but since it’s been 3 months since the contaminate was brought into my home I think he feels like it’s over for me but it’s still contaminated to me and trying to avoid haveing objects not touch the contaminated stuff in my home is impossible I’m just so stressed and I no my bf try’s to help he bought me an old vacuum from the thrift store to use instead of mine so I don’t contaminate my vacuum and have to clean it everytime I use it and I’m glad he was thinking of me but I don’t want to vaccum the contaminated carpet I feel like it’s just rolling over contaminates and just spreading everywere on the carpet I had to pretend I liked it and had to vacuum otherwise he would’ve vacuumed and vacuumed in places I wouldn’t want him to contaminate I no it sounds like he’s helping but he’s not and some stuff bothers me like certain sprays and other stuff and I told him all my ocd stuff that I can’t help it untill I get help and I’ve told him several times like I can’t use this and that cause my ocd he eventually zoned out and doesn’t listen so when he brings stuff here that I don’t like and does stuff nice for me I just pretend I’m glad i had to pretend prior to me telling him bout my ocd I’ve had to pretend I don’t like certain foods and drinks and clothes cause my ocd affects those things if I open a present and it’s clothes that are a color I can’t wear I just pretend witout even thinking but deep down I’m so sad that I can’t tell them I can’t wear it that I’m upset my ocd is so stupid and hard on me that I can’t wear a piece of clothing for so many years I’ve had to do things as if I was normal and like it doesn’t bother me but I’m my head all these things just upset me and bother my ocd years of pretending even touching stuff that my ocd doesn’t like something that I feel like I need to wash my hands when I touch I have to pretend and just touch it and panick till I can wash my hands I just thought when I told everyone bout all my ocd that it’s make it easier and have less triggers by others but it’s just the same I’m just so tired I tried for months to get ocd help but there’s nothing near me and nowere that accepts my insurance it made me feel even worse calling places explaining over and over again bout my ocd and just being denied now I’m in bed late I’m wakeing up late my bf switched from seconds to third shift so I’m up on his schedule I can’t get up to try to call anywere if I don’t get rest my anxiety’s worse I finally ended up going to the mental health place we’re I live which none of them are trained to treat ocd they just prescribe an antidepressant and move on they put me on 2 different meds in a couple weeks changed my first one in just a few days of takeing it the next meds made me sick for weeks so that made everything worse I just went there to just start something to make myself feel better till I could get into an ocd place I can’t try to tackle my ocd feeling like this if I could just get medication to help me relax help me leave my fucking home give me some relief so I don’t feel like my entire body’s tense and feel sick all the time from my anxiety I could atleast get some relief now I’m so tired of my ocd of myself of my life of these stupid doctors who can’t medicate me who can’t understand ocd and it’s being a crippling anxiety illness I just wish I had someone here wit ocd someone to call like they do in na classes for drug addicts like a sponser it shouldn’t be this hard tp get help I shouldn’t feel so alone I shouldn’t have to pretend that I’m normal and that things don’t bother me I shouldn’t have to get special help cause these doctors aren’t trained in treating ocd when is things gonna get better for ppl wit ocd.

venting cause im tired of this: sorry for yelling it’s for emphasis, HAVE ANY OF MY FREAKOUTS CAUSED BY OCD ACTUALLY HELPED ME?? PROBABLY NOT? (no seriously they havnt this is exposure therapy now I ain’t reassuring myself) HAVE THEY MADE ME SLEEP DEPRIVED? YES HAVE THEY MADE MY HANDS CRACK AND BLEED FOR YEARS? YES (ouch currently can’t even move my hands without them cracking open) HAVE THEY MADE ME TAKE WAY TO MANY SHOWERS TO THE POINT MY HAIR IS LIKE STRAW? YES HAVE THEY MADE ME LOST WITHIN MY SELF AND RUIN RELATIONSHIPS? YES :( HAVE THEY MADE ME AVOID AREAS OF MY NICE HOME? YES (double sucks cause i only moved late last year) legit in the last couple of months i thought i had could have tetanus, insecticide poisoning, mould in my hair and bed, that somehow bleach and alcohol or ammonia got mixed and i made a toxic gas (I don’t even own bleach etc) thrown out towels and clothes and so so much more. just wtf is ocd, why? Why does it do this?? Surely people without ocd are just wondering what they’ll have for lunch or something?? NOT OMG ITS GOT MOULD ITS SPREAD EVERYWHERE. I’m so tired, just want to live life without being terrified all the time. Please join in with what you’re over with when it comes to OCD, it’s good to vent sometimes.

(long read ahead, sorry lol) I’ve struggled with ocd for as far back as I can remember. I find that it gets worse with stress, and recently I’ve really been struggling with the contamination aspect of my ocd. I’m worried about it becoming unmanageable and negatively affecting my relationship with my partner. I’ve been living with my boyfriend since January (got kicked out of my house a week after I turned 18, it’s for the better though my house is toxic as hell) and I love living with him, but him and his family aren’t as concerned with cleaning as I am used to. My boyfriend and I have been together going on 2 years and there’s been many times throughout our relationship that his struggle with depression severely impacted his ability to keep up with cleaning his room. This is something I completely understand because I’ve struggled with it too so i’ve often helped him clean, and since i’ve moved in he’s done so much better at keeping up with cleaning (especially because he knows about my issues with clutter, mess, germs, etc.) He is really good at being accommodating towards my needs (not overly so, i’m aware that recovering includes accepting being uncomfortable), but it’s so hard for me to differentiate between what is the normal standard for cleanliness and hygiene and what’s excessive and unhealthy. I get so stressed out every single day over the thought of how dirty everything is. He has 3 cats that mainly stay in his room (he has a catio attached to his window/side of the house) and dogs which stay on the opposite side of the house and backyard, so there is fur everywhere constantly (i’m also allergic to cats but it’s not severe). I can’t stop thinking about how they are getting germs from their litter box all over everything. They also used to piss under his bed and in his closet when his room used to be a mess and it’s soaked into the floor so no matter what it stinks. It’s so hard to bring myself to walk around the house without slippers because my feet will get visibly dirty and my socks would get covered in hair. I always think about how my boyfriend sometimes walks on the rugs in the bathroom in shoes and all the germs that spreads. There’s so many more things but this is already getting long and I am shaking just thinking about how unclean everything is. I want to deep clean the entire house myself so I can get it to where It’s not like psychological torture everyday and it’s easier to maintain but I have been so busy I don’t have the time. I am worried about my boyfriend thinking I don’t like living with him or that I think that’s he’s dirty but i don’t. We have had several conversations about this and he’s reassured me that he knows none of my obsessive thoughts are personal but I still feel so bad about it. I would like to get therapy to help work through this but currently that is not an option for me. I know things will get better once I get through the main things in my life that are causing a lot of stress and therefore making my ocd flair up, but I need advice on what to do in the mean time. I keep having moments where all I can do is shake and cry and clean and I feel bad for my poor boyfriend who can only sit next to me and try to comfort me or help me clean. I also don’t want to make him worried that nothing he does is enough for me (i’ve also already talked to him about this and told him about how I can never even be clean enough for myself and that I don’t think he’s dirty). There’s been many times where I want to tell him to do things that I think might be my own unhealthy compulsions (ex. not wearing shoes in the house or in our room, not getting into bed with socks on, making sure to completely dry off before getting out the shower, put makeup and jewelry back where they belong right after using them, etc.) but i can’t tell if they’re reasonable or not and i try to not tell him unless it’s something that severely distresses me. I’m aware that everything is going to have germs no matter what and have been using NER’s to help manage my thought spirals/rumination. I know that I shouldn’t keep doing compulsions because it just offers temporary relief and makes the problem worse because nothing will ever be enough. I just feeling so overwhelmed and hopeless and exhausted and want some feedback.

sorry this is super long i just wanna know if anyone else has been thru something similar bc i feel super alone 🩷 i have super bad contamination ocd. it was bad already but my house was like my safe space until a few months ago someone brought something into my house that i considered ‘contaminated’. and so then i felt like that part of the house was contaminated, then it spread to everything outside my room (since family is moving around touching stuff) and then somehow i got convinced everything in my room except my bed is contaminated and i need to wash my hands after touching it. in my mind its like the contamination just infinitely spreads to things after the tiniest bit of touch. idek what im afraid of anymore or even what the original thing was but i can’t let it go. when i have to wash off contamination i have to wash at least 4 times or until it feels right, or sometimes take rlly long showers and wipe down all my stuff. i even throw away food and clothes or just whole items sometimes because they feel so contaminated i don’t want them in my space. i can’t be super near people or have anyone touch me, and i also can’t bring anything new into my room since it had to go through the entry of my house which feels contaminated. i feel like all i do is lay in bed and then wash my hands and do compulsions so i can go eat or do other stuff around the house. also i never go out because i’m bc people outside make me feel dirty, and i hate thinking about how many people have touched stuff in stores or in public and stuff. so im just in my room worrying all day. i feel so trapped and the contamination/avoiding it is all i think about anymore i barely have time for anything else and im never present when i talk to people because im worrying about if i accidentally got contaminated. im starting erp next week and knowing that im going to have to expose myself to things is really freaking me out. does anyone else have this kind of ocd ? im exhaustedddd 🥲🥲💔