I’ve been so tired lately my anxiety is so crazy my ocd triggers in my home make me feel like I’m just surrounded by contaminates I feel like I’m in constant stress I want to leave to get away from the house but get nervous bout leaveing my home and then I no I gotta come back here I can’t seem to get off my phone to lay down I just keep prolonging it till it’s so late I make myself lay down then I’m up all nite I wake up round 4 to 5 in the evening I’m still exhausted and I gotta do it all over again I love wit my bf who is aware of my ocd and wat has caused me stress lately but since it’s been 3 months since the contaminate was brought into my home I think he feels like it’s over for me but it’s still contaminated to me and trying to avoid haveing objects not touch the contaminated stuff in my home is impossible I’m just so stressed and I no my bf try’s to help he bought me an old vacuum from the thrift store to use instead of mine so I don’t contaminate my vacuum and have to clean it everytime I use it and I’m glad he was thinking of me but I don’t want to vaccum the contaminated carpet I feel like it’s just rolling over contaminates and just spreading everywere on the carpet I had to pretend I liked it and had to vacuum otherwise he would’ve vacuumed and vacuumed in places I wouldn’t want him to contaminate I no it sounds like he’s helping but he’s not and some stuff bothers me like certain sprays and other stuff and I told him all my ocd stuff that I can’t help it untill I get help and I’ve told him several times like I can’t use this and that cause my ocd he eventually zoned out and doesn’t listen so when he brings stuff here that I don’t like and does stuff nice for me I just pretend I’m glad i had to pretend prior to me telling him bout my ocd I’ve had to pretend I don’t like certain foods and drinks and clothes cause my ocd affects those things if I open a present and it’s clothes that are a color I can’t wear I just pretend witout even thinking but deep down I’m so sad that I can’t tell them I can’t wear it that I’m upset my ocd is so stupid and hard on me that I can’t wear a piece of clothing for so many years I’ve had to do things as if I was normal and like it doesn’t bother me but I’m my head all these things just upset me and bother my ocd years of pretending even touching stuff that my ocd doesn’t like something that I feel like I need to wash my hands when I touch I have to pretend and just touch it and panick till I can wash my hands I just thought when I told everyone bout all my ocd that it’s make it easier and have less triggers by others but it’s just the same I’m just so tired I tried for months to get ocd help but there’s nothing near me and nowere that accepts my insurance it made me feel even worse calling places explaining over and over again bout my ocd and just being denied now I’m in bed late I’m wakeing up late my bf switched from seconds to third shift so I’m up on his schedule I can’t get up to try to call anywere if I don’t get rest my anxiety’s worse I finally ended up going to the mental health place we’re I live which none of them are trained to treat ocd they just prescribe an antidepressant and move on they put me on 2 different meds in a couple weeks changed my first one in just a few days of takeing it the next meds made me sick for weeks so that made everything worse I just went there to just start something to make myself feel better till I could get into an ocd place I can’t try to tackle my ocd feeling like this if I could just get medication to help me relax help me leave my fucking home give me some relief so I don’t feel like my entire body’s tense and feel sick all the time from my anxiety I could atleast get some relief now I’m so tired of my ocd of myself of my life of these stupid doctors who can’t medicate me who can’t understand ocd and it’s being a crippling anxiety illness I just wish I had someone here wit ocd someone to call like they do in na classes for drug addicts like a sponser it shouldn’t be this hard tp get help I shouldn’t feel so alone I shouldn’t have to pretend that I’m normal and that things don’t bother me I shouldn’t have to get special help cause these doctors aren’t trained in treating ocd when is things gonna get better for ppl wit ocd.