My bf and I (ex bf idk how to explain) we been broken up/on a break for a month. The first 2 weeks was hard as fuck and I was worried and losing it. Then eventually I accepted it and just said fuck this and we didn’t speak for the entire 3rd week. Like at all. The first 2 weeks we still were in contact a bit. So going on week 4 today. Marks a whole month. Last week though we did meet up and talk and decided we both didn’t wanna get back together right now and just aren’t there yet, we weren’t officially done but still not like together. After I just told him like tbh it’s all good we can just take our time, no rush, we both obviously don’t wanna go back to how the relationship was well just see if we wanna go through it together or give it up. After that, he started to text me every day up til today which marks a month. He FaceTimes again (we did that all the time) just overall talking to me more and more. So today I just said like are u trying to just like talk and see how it goes and he’s like yes that’s how I do things. And I was like wow I just guessed that. he said he still didn’t know if he wanted to get back together. He just didn’t know. I had been in that same boat all week too and evidently I decided I wanted to be with him. But I can’t rlly be mad that he didn’t decide at the same time as me. And I think him wanting to talk to me more and see me and all of that is a sign he is trying to go back to us which he sort of pointed out. Like we’re working through it kind of thing. And in my head I’m just thinking ok I’m going to play this out for the next week and a half. See how it goes. He is the one who reaches out to me constantly, it’s always been like that. But like if I don’t see rlly much effort or change in that time, I HAVE to walk away. I even said like to him like I know I’m worth it and I’m enough and blah blah. Just sort of putting my foot down saying it’s cool if we work to get there but I wanna make sure we’re on the same page. I am kinda annoyed with it for sure. But I also know we both process things differently. He doesn’t wanna have a sit down and a huge talk and decide ok we date now or we done. He wants to get back to it by talking again and hanging out and just taking our time gettin back to each other which in all honesty I think is a good idea. It can be hard but like ur rebuilding something in a way by doing that and can see if ur even able to… idk I think I’m just sad cuz I fucking miss him so much that I do wish he just wanted to see me so bad he came back but he has a huge ego sometimes he doesn’t realize and I think he puts up this huge wall where he thinks he has to do these things. And I just wanna open my arms and be like wooo come back.

I’m a 19 year old girl and I have relationship ocd. My bf (20) and I are in college and around 2 days ago he asked for a break via text and then we called after on the phone which was the last time we spoke. We’ve been doing medium/long distance (1-2hrs away from eachother). I’m his first serious relationship and girl he’s ever loved. He’s my first healthy relationship and he felt like home to me. We both date to marry and everything with him felt so finalized, as silly as it sounds. Due to life being life we haven’t been able to see eachother the past three ish weeks. During that time he became different, wasn’t as loving as he used to be, and I had to continuously ask him to call me and he only did once or twice for about 15 minutes. He’s incredibly busy and in a agricultural frat. Unfortunately, he seeks a lot of validation from his frat brothers. It’s funny too, because I absolutely hate frats since I feel like often, of course not always, but often, all frats are about partying and hookup culture. That’s ok, it’s just not my thing as that to me isn’t what I value. With my bf though, I still loved him anyway. My bf was different from the stereotypical frat guy douche. You truly would not guess that him of all people is in one. He has incredibly redeeming qualities - he’s so kind, always tries to do the right thing, is so gentle, hardworking, encouraging, sensitive and sometimes emotionally intelligent lol. Due to this he gets treated differently in the house and the brothers disrespected him constantly. He would literally cry about it in my arms or in his car multiple times. When he was in my arms I was tearing up because it hurt me to see him like that. It broke my heart, but he was always too afraid to speak up for himself. I got pissed so many times and said I will say something for him - I’d do literally anything for him to make him happy. It became very obvious to me that he’s seeking so much male validation to fit in even though he comes from a great family with two married parents, with his dad being an absolutely amazing person and two older brothers. Hes said so many times that he doesn’t belong at the frat and I agreed and would tell him it’s because he was too good for them. I think he’s changed now though, and he honestly wants to fully submerge himself into this frat. He’s also taking max credit classes and has a job. I’ve been working to transfer over to the school he is at and as of late I’ve been doing community college, doing therapy with NOCD, going to the gym, and finally getting a car and being able to drive. I find myself that in relationships I let the other persons mood define mine, and I minimize my needs to make them happier. I wish I wasn’t like this and that I was a normal person. I care so deeply about him and want the best for him and I. I think he saw that flaw in me and with the combined stress of us being busy and not seeing eachother, thought it was time for a break. We called after he sent the text and I sobbed and acted a fool on the phone and I was absolutley pissed st first but only because I care. That was our first phone call in a while. He was crying and sobbing and calling me baby and the last thing we said to eachother was I love you, with him initiating that. Not too long after he was quick to take a lot of our posts down and stop sharing his location. So I did the same, and then just deleted all of my social media. I don’t know if he unadded me on anything, I don’t want to know and I don’t want to see his posts. I don’t think he has any idea as to what he’s doing. I’ll never forget when I was his date to one of his frat formals and I spoke to an alumni for a long time. He said to my bf waiting for me while I was in the bathroom “you got a good girl, take care of her”. My bf told me after that happened, because it was sweet, but I don’t think he honestly knew what that man really meant. Because I think if my bf did understand; I wouldn’t have to practically beg him to acknowledge me with a “maybe we could call” text for weeks, he would’ve directly thanked my mom for all the gifts I bought him using her money, he would’ve actually looked my mom in the eyes when he’s talking to her, he would’ve made sure that with intimacy my needs were also satisfied - not just his, he wouldn’t have told me what makeup style I should wear and what celebrities/traits he finds attractive in other girls even though I’ve voiced I’m uncomfortable with it, he would’ve shown more interest in my hobbies and likes the way I did his, and lastly, he would’ve been more courteous about my feelings and put his ego aside. I mean I’d literally watch hour long videos about fucking warhammer even though I thought it was boring. I sent him an educational video about OCD that I don’t think he ever took the time to watch. Which hurts, because he knows it’s something about me that I discovered during our relationship. Meanwhile, while I have stuff to work on like every person ever, I understand that I don’t need to fit into a group to feel complete. I’ve been authentically myself, flawed and all. I’m not afraid to show my problems to people. I don’t think I’m better than him because I’m like this, but I think that’s where we’re at right now. He hurt me so much and if/when he decides to come back is when I let him. I want him to regret this and for us to work out, but only if there’s change. He said we should work on ourselves and I agree. I’m slowly feeling better, but this took so many people by surprise especially his brothers gf who I was incredibly close to. She also has OCD funnily enough, and we’ve privately bonded over our bfs just not understanding OCD or going to each other for relationship/self care advice. I don’t know what to do, he was home to me. I love him, but I don’t love his actions and I deserve more. I hope he realizes what he’s missing out on, regrets it, and truly understands my value.

Hi bear with me I don’t know how long this is going to be (coming back after writing it way longer than I expected I just needed to get this out) but I’ve beenn struggling with this. So basically me and my ex let’s call him Gus just started talking and hanging out again cuddling kissing yk and he broke up with me because he had feelings for another girl but I’m actually really glad we didn’t work out the first time I wasn’t ready for a relationship. my relationship with God wasn’t where I wanted it to be. He is also a Christian so I kept telling myself it would be good which maybe it would’ve been but I still should’ve haven it time but I still rushed into it. We had been friends for like 4 years before tho so it felt natural. I felt good when we broke up it hurt and I missed him. Fast forward 5 months and we hangout again for the first time we cuddle and he kissed me. he’s still confused about what he wants he says he doesn’t want to hurt me again and doesn’t want it to end like last time also doesn’t know if we should keep acting the way we have been as just friends. I was really mad at myself at first I had 5 whole months to get back to where I wanted to be with God but I didn’t and I just kept going back and trying to redo it in my head which is what happened the first time and is why I think I felt stuck for so long. I kept thinking only if it was good the first time and only if I blah blah blah just going in circles you guys know the drill. Now it’s gotten better I’ve forgiven myself because I know God has too and I just have been spiraling. first I convinced my self I should go no contact for two weeks but I realized that was me trying to go back and control the past which is not my call I’ve been feeling a lot better about giving the whole thing to God and not stressing about the past or future just trying to live in the present but every time I think of completely letting that feeling that this isn’t gonna work or that I’m ignoring God go I get stressed again. I’m scared that He is trying to tell me to get out before it goes wrong again but I’m not listening I’m just scared I’m having false peace because I’m getting what I want if it’s ok to figure things out with Gus. On the other hand sometimes God gives us things we want when we finally learn to let it go and I have I’m ok with being alone romantically it’s not a need but I do desire it and I know God puts desires in our heart according to His will. The break up and the whole situation taught me so many things that I need to learn and how to really just let it go and give it to God. I keep trying to picture both scenarios in my head 1 us not together me just growing in God alone and not worrying about Gus and letting him go and 2 us being together and me being happy which him while not feeling like I’m not listening to God and just be at peace. I’m trying to stop imagining them it’s taking to much out of me my brain is exhausting but I can’t helps but feel like I’m ignoring God. Like I know I shouldn’t worry about the future but what if God is trying to tell me something and then I go to what if Jesus comes back tomorrow and I’m still pursuing Gus even if I don’t know what that means but I really am ignoring God and I don’t get to go with Him to heaven. I feel so safe with Gus the ocd never bothers me when I’m with him I let him touch my face and be on me and it’s so relieving to have that I trust him so much and i really don’t trust people that way. I fell asleep on him and ifkyk id let him bring me food and I’d eat it I just feel so comfortable with him I can talk to him about anything and we’re doing a plan on the Bible app together and he has helped me grow in my faith which feels wrong for some reason too like talking to him did. He just feels so safe and that’s really rare for me which I think should mean something right? I don’t know if it’s conviction or condemnation or just the ocd it would be so easy to blame it on the 2nd two but that feels wrong. Sorry this got so long thank you if you stuck around for the whole thing I really appreciate it.💗

Hey everyone. I hope you all are doing okay. I’m currently struggling in the worse way I have through the course of my relationship. We are doing long distance right now, and I am unfortunately in the worse place I have been in. The uncertainty is absolutely unbearable. He is doing a cool new, consuming job 7 hours a way. He loves it, but I fear him loving the job so much that he stops caring about me. I have definitely noticed a shift in the amount of time he texts me and the energy he can give to the relationship. The job actually started off with 2 weeks of no phone. He has it again now though. We saw each other a couple of days ago in person for the last time we would in about two months. I was okayish when we were in person though I knew I would spiral later. And spiral I did. He left and I broke down. I am worried I will lose him. I start a really intensive EMT program in a week. It will be all-consuming for me. I can’t sleep very much and I don’t feel like eating. I know it’s pathetic. I am constantly consumed by these fears. I think I know what I need to do to combat them. Accept uncertainty but it feels like the possibly of it ending feels more real than ever. And I literally can NOT stop thinking about it. My brain feels in danger!!! I just worry that bad stuff is actually happening. I think we are going through a rough patch, but I also just feel more alone than ever. Drowning in my mind. What do I believe? I have a past of ocd, so it wouldn’t be surprised if it’s getting intertwined. Most people would say: it’s okay to ask him for reassurance about the relationship!!! But I feel like that’s the trap for me. I don’t know how to move forward. I know things are tough for us right now. But I’ve been floating back and forth on a spectrum of well maybe I just have trust to maybe this literally won’t work out!!! Texting and communicating over text is really hard for me. I am constantly analyzing it: how much energy is he giving? How much energy am I giving? Well I don’t want to do all the emotional labor, and be the main texter. But I also don’t care about texting that much and get exhausted with this back and forth.