the guilt reappeared. that feeling of anxiety, I haven't felt that for a while. For now all i had were intense triggering episodes, or states of hopelessness and anaesthesia. But "this" is different; it's the same sensation I felt for weeks after September 7th. It returned. The hole in the stomach. It hurts.
I’m in the same situation (and I have the same kind of ocd as you) , that sensation it’s awful it’s one of the worst feelings I’ve ever felt, you are not alone 💜
| shouldn't have revealed those things to my mum. How can she love me and accept me after finding out that his son is a monster? Why did I tell about my struggle to the psychologist? I should have kept everything to myself. Once you aknowledge a problem it becomes true, and that's what happened: going there and talking about my disgusting and repulsive problem. I had to hear and say the word ****phile. I can't accept that I have pocd. I can't accept that | have these fears. I can't accept that I could be a p***. But it's too late. l'm associated to that theme, forever. I don't know if what l've wrote really mirrors what I'm feeling and what I want to say, I don't have the brains to convey my emotions into words. I just want to die.
Thoughts are just thoughts. They don’t mean anything
it's weird. I can feel my heart beating. It's very loud
Take slow deep breaths and stop thinking about things u can't control, also take proper treatment if possible, it will do the trick
Suddenly I started ruminating again but I no longer get bad anxiety over the thoughts but it feels like the ‘urges’ are still there and it’s making it seem more real that these are true. Why am I having urges without the anxiety or it’s weird like i don’t even know when im anxious maybe i got use to the feeling of being anxious but it feels too real and I get these weird thought that are like ‘imagine you was evil anyways’ or ‘imagine you want to be but your in denial’ or the worst makes it feel like you would like acting on the thoughts even if you choose not to do it and it feels really real. The thoughts are about stabbing and it felt so real and I started imaging it on purpose to ‘test’ myself but it doesn’t ever feel like I hate it enough or don’t want it like I feel numb to everything and it feels really real like I want it or do want to do it but I’m just choosing not to and it’s scary but I use to get so much anxiety over this and now nothing now it feels like I don’t even feel like I ‘hate’ it or I should know that I don’t want to do that? Instead of sitting there experimenting with the thoughts to see. I want it to feel like I don’t want it and don’t like it I constantly feel like I’m lying about not wanting this, but it’s concerning me a lot because it feels so real that I like it or want it and there was one point where it felt like it was about to happen and that I wanted it and now that’s made me think there is something wrong with me or that I want to give in to it 🙁 please I don’t belive anything I don’t even belive I am sad it feels so real that it was about to happen or I wanted it and I don’t know what to do I was fine before and suddenly I started ruminating and now this
For 3 days I had a feeling that came up pretty often and I cant name it, I dont know what is it and the more i try to see what is it the more i feel worse. Usually letting feeling be and letting yourself experience it helps but not with this. I find myself feel grumpier, triggered and more angry. Its a mix of fear, but then i get angry too and I dont find letting myself experience it helpful cause I just stuck there. It feels like its in my chest and when it gets triggered it makes things hard to enjoy. I tried to be kind with myself and see what causes it but trying to be kind with myself triggers this annoying feeling and it just gets worse... i dont know what helps thats why i ask your help, if you ever experienced this... also i what i almlst forgot to mention, what is really important is that i became really sensitive to every thought, and any thought can trigger this feeling or any thought can trigger a negative feeling that will trigger this feeling. And honestly the "just accept it and let yourself feel what you feel" doesnt helps here cause i find myself really angry that i have to let myself feel the emotions that are triggered by these intrusive thoughts...
Anyone else just have days where they feel more calm and don’t have as many intrusive thoughts? But then later at night time it just comes back so you only had relief even for a little bit 😞😞 I feel like even when I’m not having my OCD send me intrusive thoughts, I always have a feeling in my stomach that something is wrong/off or a sense of doom. I always just feel on edge and anxious as if my mind is always preparing itself for the next horrifying intrusive thought to torment me with ugh 🫠
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