Hey guys so I have HOCD and real event OCD and false memory OCD and this guy i know is interested in dating me and I want to date him too, but I'm really scared. I don't know if I can date someone ever again honestly 😕 I just feel too guilty and like I have to tell them everything ya know? Especially with real event. What do I do? I just feel like I'll never be able to date someone
honestly, i think the best thing you could is be honest and let him know what you’re dealing with from the beginning because it’s really important to have a partner who is willing to support you and try to understand you even if they can’t fully understand it. whether you go for it or not, this is probably a conversation you would have to have later in the relationship anyway. it also helps if he takes the time to learn about ocd and your triggers/ habits too :) i just want to say that it’s possible to have ocd and have a relationship with someone at the same time, it’s not easy, but it’s possible and my boyfriend and i are living proof of it. i have all kinds of themes and i really thought that it would be impossible to find someone who would love me even if they knew my deepest darkest thoughts, but i was wrong, so just know that it’s still possible and you’re worthy of love even if you struggle with ocd. you just have to allow it to happen :)
Okay that makes sense! I do you think that would be telling them I have ocd and explaining it or would I have to tell him my actual bad thoughts? My main worry right now is a thought I had in the past that I feel like I may have accepted and it was awful and I really don't want to share that with anyone and I'm afraid I'd have to in a relationship (whether I accepted the thought or not, I didn't act on it ever but I feel like id feel so guilty if I didn't tell them about it) so instead I avoid dating because I don't want to talk about all my scary thoughts. Its been troubling me for so long though because I want to date someone
@Hopeforthefuture yeah i get you! you don’t have to tell him anything you’re not comfortable with, because i know certain thoughts/themes can be intense and i do think that telling your partner your thoughts would be a confession compulsion, probably to find reassurance that you’re still lovable despite having those thoughts. i know for me ive gone through points where i felt like i was lying to my bf about who i am because he didn’t know that side of me, but looking back when i told him all of those thoughts i was just confessing and he didn’t see me any differently anyway. i think at the very least letting him know you have ocd and explaining it would be helpful, but going too deep into it might be compulsive if you’re doing it to find reassurance and not just to explain it and help him understand (in my experience you can usually tell the difference between just talking about it and confessing if you notice yourself having anxiety and feeling like you urgently need to talk about it)
@gettingmoni also, avoiding dating even though it’s something you know you want might also be a compulsion. to me it sounds like this is just overall a good opportunity for exposure and to gain control over your thoughts and anxiety so that you can move forward and not let your anxiety control your life
@gettingmoni Thank you so much 💓 this is encouraging. I honestly thought I just would have to stay single forever 🙃 he seems really nice and idk if it'll work out but I really do want to try.
I here you. It can be scary for sure. I agree with one of the people above saying that you should just be open and honest about it from the get-go. If any relationship is going to work, there needs to be honesty and understanding. The person you want to be with does not need to fully understand everything that you go through but they just need to be open about it and understand that sometimes there will be struggles and be willing to support you. OCD or not, every relationship deserves to have these basic principles put in place. I would say that you don't have to tell the person you want to be with exactly what your intrusive thoughts are if that makes you uncomfortable or anxious, but rather just share with them that sometimes you do get intrusive thoughts and how they can be there for you if that's something they want to do.
Okay! Thank you! I just feel like I'm lying to them if I don't tell them my thoughts. Especially with the past one I had a long time ago that goes against my values know but I thought I remembered accepting the thought as true about me which means it wouldn't have been intrusive. So I guess I feel like I have to figure out if this past thought was true or not before I ever date and unforntrualy I don't know if I can ever figure out this past thought
Any advice for this? 😔
@Hopeforthefuture Just as a disclaimer, I do not have exact experience with the same subtypes that you are dealing with, so I don't want to tell you the wrong thing. But, I can give you my opinion. I don't know exactly what the thought is that is troubling you, but, I do know at the end of the day, thoughts are just thoughts. I wouldn't think of it as lying if you are not telling someone the private thoughts in your head. Whoever you are with in any sort of relationship, romantic or not, is not always going to tell you every single thought that comes to their head, so it's not reasonable for them to expect the same or for you to do that. It may be different if something is really bothering you and you need to share the thought to talk it out with someone, but, your thoughts are your own for you to share only as you please. As far as a past thought, I know it is easier said than done, but just try not to give it so much power. Like I said before, it is just simply a thought and is something that happened in the past. If it is not something that matches up with how you feel now, that is okay. But don't give it the power to stop you from doing what will make you happy and being in a relationship if that's what you really want.
@Collin L Thank you that helps me a lot. I guess its really hard when I am a Christian and I want a Christian partner and I don't want them to think I'm not a good Christian ya know? This past thought does not align with my values or Christian values so it makes me so anxious that I might have thought it. I know they say thoughts are just thoughts but if you accept or claim thought then is it different? I mean I don't know if I really accepted it but if I did would that change the statement thoughts are thoughts?
@Hopeforthefuture I would say that it doesn't change the truth in the statement. Even aside from intrusive thoughts from OCD, people change their mind on what they think all the time. That is only natural. The simple action of you thinking something and possibly accepting it and then realizing that it doesn't align with your values and who you are now in the present day, does not make you a bad person in any way. Even if it makes you uncomfortable that you may have thought something at one time, the best way to deal with it is simply just to sit with it. It will not be easy all the time, but it is the only way to break the cycle of giving the thought so much power. Just sit with the thought and accept that it may make you uncomfortable at times. Spending so much mental energy on trying to remember if you really did accept it or not will not change anything in the present. You know what you believe and what your values are in the here and now and that is what really matters. But, it sounds like deep down, you know you are not a bad person. So keep that in the back of your mind even when the thought maybe troubling you.
@Collin L Okay thank you. I will try my best. I guess my mind just makes me think I would have to tell the person I'm with about this if I figured out it were true and I don't know if thats true. I mean I know its not what I think now but what if I'm awful for not telling them?
Same here. A failure relationship got me in the way that I'm so scared, just the fact that someone is interested in me make me anxious. I'm going crazy. The sad part, I want to be with someone, but I have so much trauma to ne resolved
That sucks. I just feel paralyzed by it like I can never date :(
I struggle w this too
Anyone with HOCD/ROCD have any tips about going on a date when the thought of it makes you want to die of anxiousness? I’ve been talking to this guy on tinder who seems nice and everything but every time in the past that I’ve started talking to someone and say yes to a date, I literally cancel the next day cause I’m so deathly afraid. This isn’t even necessarily ocd’s fault I’ve always just been scared to death of this kinda thing but obviously having hocd, and what I believe is pre-rocd thoughts, make it seem literally impossible. But I WANT it. I think about having a boyfriend all the time. Ocd is so detrimental to everything you want it’s so frustrating. Ik- news flash haha. Anyways. Should I go? Is this bad timing- will I make everything worse for myself? He’s really cute and seems really nice. Jeez idk idk idk.
Should I date someone even though I have OCD? Should I allow myself to like someone? I have a huge crush on someone right now and I don’t know if I have normal crush symptoms or if I’m obsessed with them. Should I even pursue a relationship with someone especially in my mental state? I used to want to stay a celibate for life but now I want a relationship.
I’ve never been in a relationship, not even held a hand let alone kiss anyone or be in a relationship with them. I’m a female in my 20’s and OCD sees relationships as ⛔️⚠️danger. the older I get the more scared I become and I don’t know if to take the leap of faith and learn along the way or work on the OCD around it first. Any advice or if you can relate please share thank you 💜🧠🙏 Context: ( I like a guy he likes me but he didn’t know do he was ready for a relationship, I didn’t want casual then we spoke again a while later and he said he could see a relationship in the future and I shut it down and explained it was because of my OCD but I still like the guy and I’m worried I’m going to lose this opportunity with him but at the same time I don’t want to rush into it and hurt him because he will be with me + OCD )
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