I've stopped enabling my mom

That's interesting. I realize that avoiding power could help me too. Anyway. Yeah, she can't have all that power. Yet if she doesn't, I'm afraid she'll crumble. Depressed maybe. More verbal and maybe physical in conflict. She was today.. and it's kinda scary tbh.

@Greynocd Tell her the next time she acts like that you’ll call police and have her committed. As horrible as this sounds, if letting her crumble means your mental health then let her crumble. You’re not responsible for her mental stability and by caving and giving her this power you and your family aren’t in fact helping her. Don’t get me wrong I totally understand how hard it is NOT to give her that power she needs to be deprived of it. She does too much damage with it

@Bookworm91 ** but she needs to be

@Bookworm91 Hm i miswrote. She yelled at the dog today and was incredibly passive (mean). Nothing else.

@Greynocd Oh. Well still. It seems she really needs be given the ultimatum and get help

@Bookworm91 Yeah. Idk what I'd say..

@Greynocd There’s probably nothing you can say. Your dad should be the one confronting her. If I were you I wouldn’t engage with her or that behavior at least as little as possible

@Bookworm91 Oh. He has no voice at home.

@Greynocd Well he needs to get one

@Bookworm91 That made me laugh a bit. Yeah he definitely does!

Yeah.. idk what to say to him though, like i dont know how to phrase it.

@Greynocd Maybe ask at the end of class when people have gone out so it’s easier, or when you come in in the morning ask them if you can talk to them at the end of the class, maybe you could say something like “I’m currently struggling a lot with my mental health could I speak to someone about it?” You don’t have to go into any detail until you are ready. Writing down some of your worries and things that are stressing you out and bringing them into the meeting with you would be great as it means when you do get to speak to someone you don’t have to struggle to bring everything up at once. Take it at your own pace and only open up about certain things when you feel safe to

Thank you :')

@Greynocd Please also reach out to friends and any other supports in your life, it’s jsut really important that you know that you taking a stance (a very logical one) is okay it isn’t your job to keep the peace you are a kid. they need to act like adults and work this out because it’s their responsibility to create a safe environment for you all, I hope your siblings are coping okay

@Forest13 (They/she) Yeah.. I get mad just hearing my mom's voice, it's very hard. I told my friend, but we've just become friends again and I'm worried I'm using her as a psychologist (which is what made us part). So I don't know how to ask for support from her without it becoming overwhelming for her.. I'll try to talk to my teacher maybe.

@Forest13 (They/she) Yeah I realize my mom had me as her sidekick against dad. Kinda. Like we're talking ABOUT him too much imo.. now me and my dad does that but it's not the same at all.

@Greynocd It can be really hard to set those boundaries, it’s especially hard when we haven’t been taught to respect our own and others aswell , asking them “are you in the headspace for a talk like this” and “hey let me know if this is getting to much at any time, I want to respect your needs” are really good things to talk about and work on, having a conversation about this with them would be really good too even though it’s scary. Maybe start with “ hey I realise I’ve been coming to you a lot with everything I’ve been struggling with, I don’t want to put to much on you, that isn’t your responsibility even if you care a lot about me, I would really like to respect your boundaries and feel that this is a mutually benifitial relationship” Please say it in whatever way feel best to you obviously, I also want to say that this is only my idea of what the best thing would be and I’m definitely not an expert at anything, so talking to a professional is ideal

@Forest13 (They/she) That sounds really healthy!

This would definitely be important to talk to your therapist about, I’m sorry they called you that it’s not okay. I’m really glad you talked to your dad about it, I hope he felt supportive. I think jsut kind of bringing up to your therapist that you are struggling with your mums ocd and how she is projecting her insecurities onto all of you and being a bully , she’s obviously saying things that are upsetting you, maybe talking about what she’s said to your therapist could help like you did with your dad, if you do start to feel unsafe around her please let your dad and therapist know. It can be super scary and you are scared of the consequences or if you’ll get in trouble, but you feeling safe is a human right. And it’s your parents and everyone else’s job to respect that right. And you should never get in trouble for asking to feel safe. Please take care today, maybe going to a local library, letting your dad know (sorry I don’t know your age) to read a book or a park might be nice? I’m sorry you are feeling alone when it comes to friends, I also don’t like most people to be honest, maybe finding a good Tv series or a project to give yourself something to do. I actually have a list of projects to do so when I’m bored I can go to it. I’ve been recently thinking about learning crochet.

@Forest13 (They/she) I never really realized being safe is the normal thing.. so yeah I'll definitely let my therapist know I feel unsafe. I've told her I'm angry at my mom and idk why and she said thats normal for teens. Yet I don't feel angry at my dad so I feel she's kinda off on that.. Well I am angry at my dad I just feel more in control of that anger. The anger I have towards my mom is just like from unsafety and sadness. Also Idk if my mom has ocd, but it seems like it in a lot of ways. She did apologize this morning, but I bet it was my dad who made her do it. It was also very.. weird. "Sorry I called you dumb. I am offended you don't want my help, bye" It's a lot of unsafety when I think about it.. she's out of the house today for some hours tho so it's good.

@Forest13 (They/she) Yeah it is scary to bring it up. I feel like I've exposed her and now something terrible will happen or something.

@Greynocd Your therapist really shouldn’t have dismissed your feelings as “just being a teenager” that sounds like a really good idea talking to them about this, if they do continue to not understand though maybe ask your dad about looking into a different one (but that a whole other thing) I’m so sorry you don’t feel safe, you have every reason to feel angry and unsafe. That apology wasn’t an apology it sounds like an insult to me, but what matters is how it felt to you. They may have ocd, trying to control others is a big part of some people’s ocd as it was part of mine at a point, they might also just be being a bully and a bad parent as many parents don’t seek therapy before they have children, I’m glad their out, please take care today and focus on your needs

@Greynocd It is completely understandable to have anxiety about this, in a way you might feel like you are “betraying” her, that isn’t true. you are only telling them what is happening and the truth, and speaking up is hard, but it is your safety and you are experiencing it, you aren’t making it up. As I said before it’s your right to speak up for yourself and your needs. Whatever happens you are doing the right thing for you and your siblings. Please let me know how you are doing after if you feel comfortable.

@Forest13 (They/she) If they do invalidate your feelings again please know it’s not oky

@Forest13 (They/she) I still am controlling, like you said you were. I'm not sure how to stop, but I'm seeking help. So yeah I relate to that, how did you get better? All I know is she needs help. I feel like I'm betraying her like what if she gets the wrong help, what if she gets worse because of this... I need to speak up, but it'd so normal idk how to stand firm in what I need and what's going on to my therapist, since she already kinda invalidated me. But I think I know a way. Yeah I'll update after telling her! My little sister drew a picture of angry mom, sad me and sad her and after that I've realized something is wrong. I think we need help more than I've realized.

@Greynocd I shouldn’t have said I “was” I still am controlling and manipulative alot. I have a lot of work to do myself, but realising it is the first step. And seeking help is an amazing second step. I know it’s so hard to see that you aren’t betraying her, because I know I’d feel very similar in your situation. but I know that you are doing what’s right for you and your siblings and them even if they don’t know they need help, and I know that things staying the way they are would not benifit you or them, feeling unsafe should never be something you have to stay in. You are helping them, they jsut don’t know it. And fearing the consequences of them getting worse is just proof that they aren’t making you feel safe, I’m so sorry for that, a good parent should want their child to reach out for help if they aren’t being supported by them properly. Getting her the right help though isn’t your responsibility, you are the child. They aren’t your responsibility, neither is their emotional well-being, they are an adult and shouldn’t rely on you. finding the right therapist can take time but that is their journey. Right now focusing on yourself is super important even if it feels selfish it isn’t. I feel something like that a lot, I struggle to hold my own opinion and speak up for myself a lot it’s like I physically can’t think for myself sometimes. And I am so quick to accomodate for other peoples feelings, even though they completely bulldoze my boundaries and needs. You have needs and it is so hard to assert them when they are constantly invalidated because you start to Belive that you are “making them up” Or “exaggerating” You aren’t and what you feel matters, you aren’t asking to much. If the therapist does invalidate you again I think It would be best if maybe you talked to a kids support worker (which I realise is super scary to think about) I’d be really happy to help you through it if it comes to that. That must of been very shocking to see your sister draw that, I’m really glad they are communicating their feelings with you though, if you feel safe to talk to your dad about it please do, if not maybe go check in on her if you feel up to it, and talk/communicate with them and your other siblings (if you have some) It can be very hard to see what is needed when you are raised in this environment, it seems “normal” but you start to question it eventually

@Forest13 (They/she) Letting your sister know that you are thankful they shared the picture with you, would be great too as it lets them know that their feelings matter.

@Forest13 (They/she) I have a younger brother. I'd like to know his thoughts, since he has given good input before. But I don't know what to ask?

@Greynocd Maybe just ask him how he’s been feeling lately? Sorry I’m not sure

@Forest13 (They/she) A really important thing to know is that even if your siblings weren’t aware of what’s happening your experience is still jsut as valid.