i’ve talked about this before but i’m still having a hard time lol basically i like this boy and we’re almost to the point of dating but i’m getting the idea i manifested him and i can’t remember if i did or not and i keep telling myself it’s not true but i’m having such a hard time believing it. the guilt is the worst part like i’m taking away his free will, that it’s not consensual, etc.

it’s so difficult to just go for it with the guilt that comes along. like he’s worth it but i want him to like me because he wants to not because of some bs manifesting ya know? thank you for helping me out

really?? that makes me feel so much better. like i want to go out with him, but i hate the idea that i “forced him” to like me

Can I ask what you did specifically? So I can share what I did..

That's very brave of you!! I did too (after like 7 months)

@Greynocd i did a silly youtube video that i saw. it was like writing their name in a notebook and then saying it out loud. it sounds silly to talk about but was a genuine fear that i forced him to like me

@emcpo I did that too. As well as listen to "subliminals" like a recording of someone saying "you and your crush have a healthy relationship" etc. It sounds silly now but it really made me spiral.

@emcpo I felt guilty every time I was with them. It was horrible.

@Greynocd how are you guys now? are you still together?

@emcpo No my ocd was untreated and it got so bad I started controlling them.. they got tired of it. Now I'm getting better and have a sense of self and happiness for the first time since I was a child I feel like. We're friends still (with kinda benefits) and I hope for something more in the future.

@Greynocd i’m glad to hear you are getting better, and i hope you and them become closer in the future. if you have ever talked to a therapist about this what advice did they give?

@emcpo About the magical thinking - no. I talked to my school nurse about having distressing thoughts and she said I should ask my curator for more psychological support. I'm pretty sure she thinks I have normal anxiety.. Idk if she knows about ocd. Anyway... I'll speak to my curator on Wednesday about general ocd and ask if she thinks I fit the description. And get a psychologist after that.

@emcpo Thank you, so do I!

@Greynocd i’m asking this as one on one, and obviously you don’t have to give any advice back, but do you have any advice for me about this situation? taking to you has made me feel less alone but i’m not sure how to continue through with this. and i hope all goes well with you, you deserve everything amazing in this world

@emcpo Aw, you deserve everything!!! I'm really glad (but sorry for you) that someone else experiences this. Well.. I sat with it until the anxiety eased and then I could think rationally. It takes practice. Erp could be like maybe telling yourself you've made them like you by writing their name and saying it out loud. After a while it will fade. Also For a while the word manifesting triggered me. It still feels icky but I can read it now. How is that for you?

@Greynocd that’s what spiraled me into this, i saw another video and then it led me back to like the idea i could’ve done it or i did. i honestly can’t remember if i actually did, which makes it worse because i don’t know which side of my brain to follow. the rational side or the other side that tends to mess with me haha

@emcpo Omg I hate when that happens.