My life is a cycle , wishing I was normal and that I didn't have these intrusive thoughts then when they start to go down my mind says now u r accepting the disgusting thoughts so then I think of the thoughts to see if I get anxiety still and it starts all over again =/ fml can anyone relate or have any tips for me

It is just like you're in a circle where there is no way out and you feel trapped all the time, that's how I describe this

Because I'm 35 now and I can't stand the thought that I have to live another 20years like this because it's so hard for me to accept and Cope with it, I honestly do not know how long I can keep doing this... But I have to for my child

But back then I didn't give much attention to it, I just tried to live my life, be young and party hard and in that period of my life things went OK, with ups and Downs but overall it was do-able

I also have to be honest, I started smoking weed when I was 18 and i was always drunk when i went out, i never drunk alchohol when i was at home, then when i was 25, i started doing coke with my boyfriend, at the beginning it was fantastic because i could empty my mind but i quickly became a havy and very expensive addiction, then when i was 27, i got pregnant but it was not planned because i have had always sayd that i never wanted children, only because i knew very good that my OCD got worse if i had a child but i was already 8 weeks pregnant when i find out, i immediately stopped doing drugs and smoking and with my medication because it wasn't safe for my baby, at the beginning i have sufferd many panic attacks but when i heard my baby's heart beating i instantly fell in love, but as i had expected my illness did get worse, because my mind is dominated with thoughts that my child is gonna get kidnapped, murdered, get a serieus illness and many more of these things

So i agreed with the doctor that i could only work max 20hours in a week so i could find a good balance between work and home because in the first place i wanted to be a good mother and i didn't want to expose my ocd to my little boy but he quickly noticed that i suffered from something, if he ask me about it i shortly give an answer but he's to young to get the whole story from what i have, someday i will explain it to him but he's only 7 and he's constantly worrying about my wellbeing, it't so sweet but must be able to just being a child, play and enjoying life he does these things but always with me in the back of his head, we also have a very strong band

So having a child, know that it's getting worse but what you get instead is worth to keep fighting my ocd

Yes that's exactly how I feel

May I ask how old you are?

24 how about yourself

He is only 7 and he is the sunshine in my life, I've to be strong for him

I've been struggling with this for 6 years now and I don't see an end in sight =( stay strong ❤

I'm glad u have someone to motivate u to keep pushing on , I wish I had that

There won't be, when I was diagnosed at 18years old the immediately told me and my mother that we must need to find a way to live with it because I it isn't gonna go away, they told me that if I was diagnosed at an earlier age that I would have been able to grown out of it with the right therapy

Yes speaking of partying hard, alcohol is about the only thing that makes the intrusive thoughts less intense