teen angst

i feel like there’s always something wrong. i’m only sixteen and i’m already dealing with this dumb disorder, along with all sorts of crap. it’s been hard over the past year and i’m tired of pretending like it’s fine. i don’t want to be a nihilist and i’m so tired of feeling alone, but it seems like that’s all i’m doing. i’ve craved pity from my parents as a form of love — and yet i still feel alone because i’m not fulfilled in my friendships and i don’t know how to maintain any that i have. i can’t rely on my parents for external validation, yet i keep going back for it instead of giving it to myself and finding who i am. im always trying to keep my head up but it’s so useless sometimes because life just keeps throwing me curveballs. i feel like i don’t deserve to feel like this because others have it worse but i can’t shake the feeling that it’s not going to get better, and if it does i don’t think it’ll last long. my siblings are already grown up and i feel like i’ve been lumped into that responsibility instead of just being a teen. i’m trying to grow up while trying to act my age at the same time. it’s hard to find a balance. i don’t know what i’m doing. anyone else?

idekanymore3

Date posted: 3y

yes, every day is a struggle, and it's so much harder when the adults around you don't give the validation to your struggles because they don't understand. hang in there, balance will come with time

struggling b...

Date posted: 3y

thank you for responding, glad to know i’m not alone :)

.ALY235.

Date posted: 3y

16 was prob one of the hardest years for me, too. Hormones+OCD +fam probs +school +work were all super overwhelming. It’s a lot, especially when our brains haven’t even fully developed and we have so much responsibility. Instead of seeking others’ validation, what about your own? I think the biggest lesson I’ve learned is that we can’t please everyone. No matter what we say or do in life, someone will be unhappy. I’m relationships with friends this was especially true-the friends I had when I entered high school were wayyyyy diff than the ones I had by graduation time. People change, interests change, we change too. Have you thought about joining a club for those who share mutual interests? The part you mentioned about finding who you are is super important, you’re way ahead of your years for realizing that as well. I had always tried people pleasing, but again, we can’t please everyone. What do you enjoy doing? Who do you want to be in 5-10 years? Not as in career, because everyone always asks that (where you wanna go to college and what you plan to do with the rest of your life- at 16 I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and it still changes at 25), but as in personality wise. Do you want to be someone who is caring and reaches out in the community, someone who is musical, someone who focuses on fitness, etc. Sometimes it’s best to step back and view the whole picture. Just because you’re young doesn’t mean your feelings of anxiety are invalid, and honestly I was more stressed at that time than any other time in my life. Just remember that it does get better, and once you’re in your 20’s people seem to expect less from you anyways 😅 you’ll get there

struggling b...

Date posted: 3y

thanks for taking the time to respond, i really appreciate the insight, it’s very helpful — and i’ve thought about it over the day. here’s what i’ve gathered. i’m just feeling very angsty about finding my crowd and knowing how to be independent. i’ve tried being independent and it doesn’t really seem to be working for me. i’m trying to be self reliant and trying things out for my own validation and not for others. it’s just difficult when i haven’t really found my crowd yet and i graduate next year, trying to balance being reliant on myself for my own happiness and simultaneously trying not to be alone. i think i’ve just realized that you can’t have both. i feel angsty and alone with people and i feel the same way when i am actually alone. i look to my parents for help but i’ve realized they’re just trying their best and they don’t know what they’re doing either. how do i just navigate this all alone? like are we all just truly alone not knowing anything or having an answer as to what we’re doing here? i don’t mean to be a pessimist but i feel so disconnected from reality and i’m having a constant existential crisis about my sense of self and how i fit into the world. it sounds cliché, and frankly it is because all teens go through it — i just wish i had an answer or at least some idea of what i was doing.

struggling b...

Date posted: 3y

all i’m saying is i feel like hyperindepence has been just as negative in my life as people pleasing is, and i don’t know where to find the balance. social media tells me not to rely on other people and to “grind” until i get my hopes and dreams fulfilled, but i’d rather have empathy and admitting when i need help, since that’s our human nature. it’s kind of like a pendulum, and im swinging between both extremes not being able to find the center. does that make sense?

.ALY235.

Date posted: 3y

It makes sense, I’m sorry you’re feeling a bit stuck there. I was a bit of a floater in high school bouncing between groups as well. I don’t think that it’s necessarily a bad thing though. People put so much emphasis on finding a friend group in school, but the reality is that once you graduate and move on (college, travel, work, whatever you decide to do), others will be on their own journey as well. I don’t hang out with anyone I was close to in high school now, but I do have a great group of friends that I hang out with now that check in on me when I’m MIA which is great. I agree that being completely independent and working until your hopes/dreams are fulfilled is a bit of a two edged sword. I do think it’s a good thing to rely on others, and I also think that work has its own place in our lives and should never be the #1 place (jobs come and go, companies change, if a job doesn’t work out then there are thousands of other things you could do). Have you considered finding a group or club that focuses on things that you enjoy doing and then seeing if you click with anyone in the group? It doesn’t have to be a school group, could be an extracurricular thing or at a community center or even online. I would give that a shot so that if you don’t find anyone you want to spend more time with, it’s not a loss because you still are taking time to do something you love anyways. And I agree about the parents thing- I’m glad you realize that they’re trying their best, that’s a super mature way of viewing it. When I was your age I was super angsty too, but I blamed my parents for never understanding me or caring (which was untrue- my mom was a teen mom and had her own issues that I didn’t recognize back then). I think you’ve got the self realization part down, you know what you want, you know options on how to get what you want, you just have to take actions to get to the point where you feel like that pendulum has settled. What will you do this week to achieve your goals?

shirleyCstar

Date posted: 23w

I should get help

This past week I realized I have not friends. It makes me feel lonely. I’ve been homeschooled my whole life, so my only social life would be work or church. I don’t have a job right now due to medical reasons. But I feel like such a fucking loser right now. The voices of my family and myself are making me feel horrible. “You couldn’t even kill yourself right.” Is what my brother said. He told me I need to grow up and realize that nobody gives a fuck. I feel like there’s something wrong with me. Am I really just a sensitive piece of shit? Am I just being dramatic? I feel so lost right now. I can’t stop comparing myself to others who seem to be doing so well. It’s not like I haven’t been searching for a job. They’ve all turned me down. I’ve gotten help and I know my resume is great. Maybe my dad is right that it’s really just how I am. People are hired because of the way they are. I am not outgoing or friendly or approachable and it makes me hate myself so much. I know I can’t kill myself. I can’t put that financial and emotional burden on my family. I’m already enough of a burden as it is. I know that I’m “never a burden,” but the truth is I am. My mom even admitted that I was the most burden of a child and it makes me feel so guilty. I wish they didn’t love me. It’s so selfish and horrible to say that. I know there’s someone out there who deserves my life and family more than I do. I deserve punishment and failure. But I want an answer. It’s impossible to know the future. Am I right? Am I really destined for failure? If only I got that answer I’d be relieved. It’s not the ideal answer, but it’s still an answer. I don’t have to try anymore. It’s fucking tiring. I know I’m not alone. I just don’t know anymore. Maybe I need to realize that this is real life and life’s not fair.

flyana

Date posted: 21w

oh my god, I'm struggling today

tw . . . . . . I don't want to trigger anyone, so please be warned before reading. I'm feeling pretty hopeless. I don't know if I deserve... anything. I've had two therapists now tell me I'm normal and I don't need to worry so much, but I find it hard to believe them. Just when I think I'm doing okay, thoughts flood back in. I feel like the world is better off without me in it and that others would agree if they weren't a paid therapist there to give me reassurance. I'm tempted to break up with my boyfriend because he doesn't deserve this. I want to pretend I'm okay for the sake of my parents. But if they passed away, I'm not sure I'd have much strength to live for myself. This feeling is pretty bad right now. Overwhelming. I have absolutely no love for myself. I can't even distract myself by watching TV or shows I love, because all I can think is, "Look at those people. They deserve to live and be happy, and I'm not one of them." Gah, this is bad. I'm an adult, and I feel like such a baby for feeling this way. How dramatic am I? How can other people have similar (if not worse) thoughts than me, and then still be ok with themselves? I miss the person I used to be. I miss feeling okay. I feel ok momentarily, but then it all comes crashing down. I can't stand it. All I want is for things to go back to how they used to be.

avantika 🪻

Date posted: 14w

Rant...

I just feel like therapy isn’t working… like I get to talk about myself and understand myself… but I’m already incredibly self aware. My therapist thought I was like 5 years older than I am… and she gives me such basic strategies that do absolutely nothing for me. And a psychiatrist prescribed me with Zoloft… but I don’t know if T want to take medication. I’m scared of side effects… and I’m scared of getting better… I’m scared of letting my guard down. I know it will make me less cautious which makes me less likely to push myself to perfection like I currently do, which I can’t have happen. Every time I talk to my mom about it, she’s always like “Let’s talk about this some other time, I’m busy with other things”, and then never remembers. But in the rare moments we do talk about it, she treats it like I’m signing up to be a drug addict. I also feel very guilty for spending so much of my parents’ money- therapy… medication… etc… and also the idea of my being unlovable is so deeply engraved in my brain… I genuinely, truly believe it. No therapy or medication can fix it. I can’t change my mind. My therapist tells me my misophonia is not a “deal-breaker” and that someone would be lucky to have me as a partner… but then why hasn’t anyone ever liked me? My own FAMILY can’t stand me. How do I believe something I know isn’t true? That’s even harder to accept than me being unlovable. I can’t see someone loving me. And it is so incredibly exhausting to seek love,e I know I cannot have. My sister says, “It will get better with age…” It has only ever gotten worse. To the point I don’t want to get better. It has reached the severity where I feel more safe and successful with anxiety. My past 3 birthdays have been me wishing for therapy. And now I have therpay- and medication, the potential key… and I refuse? Am I too deep in? I cant get out, it’s too late. How did absolutely no one notice how much I had and have been hurting? Why did no one listen to my cries or worries? I feel really depressed and hopeless right now. It takes so much effort to get up every day… I’m so tired.

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